My daughter is a trans woman.

Here is a comprehensive list of people and institutions she's harming by identifying as a different gender than she did as a child:

I can’t stop thinking about it— I’m so mad. 21 South Carolina state legislators have sponsored a bill calling for the death penalty for women who have abortions— UNBELIEVABLE.

So after stewing for several minutes, it occurred to me: it can’t just be white men. They got a gender traitor to sign on with them.

Of course, I was right— except it wasn’t just one gender traitor. It was three: SC state Reps. Trantham, Pedalino, and Cromer.

https://www.scstatehouse.gov/sess125_2023-2024/bills/3549.htm

Me at 20: I want to make a difference in the world

Me at 40: maybe if I stand really still and never speak again, I won’t fuck anything else up

Donno what year I'll die but I hope it's after Falling Back so I don't have to feel like an asshole being so messed up by Springing Forward

I will never be as passionate about anything as 70s foley artists were about clacky footsteps.

Life fast, die young. Drink paint, eat hair

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY, HERE'S A COUPON CODE FOR A TIRE IRON.

Cat Jesus: so that’s when I said “father, forgive them; they know not what they do”… but then, like 3 days later I was BACK— and I still have 8 more lives

Little Caesars delivery guy ran to my front door & I yelled "HEY! DON’T RUN WITH CAESERS!”

I don’t think he understood, but it was the perfect dad joke moment and I have a feeling of contentment that will carry me through the day.

Smh - turns out my life could have been an email

Kicked out of build-a-bear *again* for trying to use my own filling *bones*

You don’t have to MARRY syrup

Happy Tuesday/On Edge For No God Damn Reason Day!

It’s laundry day, and like Kronos feared replacement by his children, my king size fitted sheet has swallowed all the smaller sheets.

[hospital]
SURGEON: [lowers mask] I'm sorry, we were unable to separate the art from the artist
ME: is he
S: yes, he's still an asshole

My favorite crackers are Baked Naturals™️, like so many of my hippie Oregon friends

I’m like the g in lasagna, I have no idea what I’m doing here

Why is my Pornography Box making this strange sound?

Wife: That's your phone. Your dentist is calling you.

*Astonished* I have a dentist?!

Realtor hired a company to stage my house & they put up photos of a better looking family.

Ugh, ANOTHER Dollar General?