HATE LEAF, only £0.39 at participating stores.

Today's Daily Deals:

The soil's forbidden secret, only 50¢ a head! #introductions

Our Oranges are secured by a slow-triggee dye pack which can only be deactivated at the checkout counter. So when you stumbled back into the store an hour after you left covered in midnight blue dye, Helen, we know what you did you theiving pig.

NOW IN STOCK:

Egg.

ANNOUNCEMENT:

We're sad to announce the end of our partnership with Farm2Table Wholefoods Ltd as one of their drivers (Phillip) narked on us to the cops for selling Chinese hand-saws out of a White Van in the 7/11 Car park.

Fuck you dorks we'll get our strawberries elsewhere.

Eyy babbadaboopy ravioli mamma mia eboopity boooy penne pasta pizza pie slappa you face. Only €0.70c a pack at Lidl.it

This Racoon keeping kit is now available in the middle isle. Come on over, ask for Dennis, he'll show you how to use it. Only £12 at LIDLLIDLLIDLLIDLLIDL¿

@Juanan03_ *PUNCHES WALL*

THAT'S IT.

We hand-scream at every loaf of bread which is delivered fresh to our stores every night by the saddest man we can find to do it.

@Juanan03_ Complain to Tesco.co.uk about it they might give a daMN YOU APE.

CONGRATULATIONS to Mrs. Catherine Riley of 34 Summer Drive, Newtown.

You've won ownership of a small house child, but be careful Catherine, if you say the child's name it is legally free to do as it pleases, including extracting a blood-debt of revenge on you! 😊

New winners announced next week.

Boost and Retoot to win a Prize you can collect at any of our stores.

The prize is you're banned from our stores.

PLANNING ON CRYING TONIGHT? So does our regional director. Gelatelli MASTER OF TASTE Cookie Dough only £3 a pint.

Shut up, it's Lamb Chops. Only $4 per Lb. FUCK #introductions

Our CEO was up at 4am angrily ripping Carrots from the pregnant Earth. With her incredible glistening muscles she will OBLITERATE Walmart.

our dying earth children are on display for you to fucking eat. we're dying to give these to you for only €0.49 a bag. get them you CRETINS #introductions

buy our FUCKING corn #introductions