Buying a new laptop is step one of a new set of projects I want to chip away at, at my own pace, in the new year. I’m still in #AutisticBurnout and I’m still dealing with #ChronicIllness, but I am also feeling a desire to slowly roll on forward. I have been stagnant for a couple of years almost. For maybe the first time in my life I feel like I’m actually wanting to take some new steps (as opposed to being pushed into making a move that I didn’t really choose or properly process).
#AutisticBurnout
I thought True Stories (a film by David Byrne of Talking Heads) was the most autistic film I'd ever seen, but Can You Ever Forgive Me competes. It is also VERY funny (Richard E Grant) is included.
www.primewire.mov/movie/1016977-can-you-ever-forgive-me
#Autism #autistic #neurodiverse @autistics #AutisticBurnout #ActuallyAutistic
You can’t just go back to that version of yourself (the pre-burnout self, the one who had energy, and could do all of the things, and be a workaholic, or change the world, or whatever it was).
That version of yourself wasn’t living in a healthy way, it was ignoring your own needs.
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
Is It Burnout Or A Midlife Crisis?
Just recognizing that what’s going on for you is burnout is huge.
You’re not struggling because of some personal failing, you’re not broken, and you’re not incompetent at being a human.
Want a guide to get out of burnout?
http://www.autismchrysalis.com/burnout
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
I have an STD (Short Term Disability, why are you asking?). More seriously, I have been on medical leave from work for the past few weeks.
Officially it's for a major depressive episode. I'm sure it's in part true. But I specifically mentioned autistic burnout to the doctor and the conversation went on as if I didn't mentioned it.
I'm not sure I care, I got what I wanted (medical approval for the absence from work). And I know what to do to get better, I wasn't seeking advice.
Today the insurance called me (we have group benefits, which cover STDs, and they will pay my salary while I'm on leave). The person wanted to know more about my situation so they could approve my leave. They asked questions such as "what do you think triggered your depression?", or "what are your symptoms?". They wanted to make sure I had medication and was doing appropriate things to get better.
I've been through this already, I knew this was part of the deal. Not fun, but something to go trough like a dentist appointment. Still very very stressful and creating anxiety and made me feel naked, having to divulge all the details to a non-medical stranger.
But when talking about that call with my wife, she was upset. She was, like... what if it was a cancer? Would they ask you what triggered the cancer?
I totally get her point.
What a fucked up system.
I just finished 'Is this Autism? A guide for clinicians and everyone else'. It's really good and if autism is a special interest of yours, like it is for me, you'll love it. I would also strongly recommend it for any healthcare professionals.
#Autism #autistic #neurodiverse @autistics #AutisticBurnout #ActuallyAutistic
79 Warning Signs of Autistic Burnout
I just realised Primal Scream therapy was probably exploiting #Autistic people who were on the verge of a meltdown who were given the opportunity to let their frustration out. #PrimalScream
#Autism #autistic #neurodiverse @autistics #AutisticBurnout #ActuallyAutistic #martinDuffy
Getting better at the things that burnt you out is not burnout recovery.
Recovery involves leaving the old ways behind and making something better.
#AutisticBurnout #BurnoutRecovery #Burnout #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
Look out for a new video from me tomorrow on 6 things I know about rest.
Meerkat Mode, Monotropic Split, and Monotropic Spiral
Tanya Adkin and David Gray-Hammond are doing great work furthering our understanding of atypical burnout, monotropism, and the intersections of the two. Tanya’s conceptions of Meerkat Mode, Monotropic Split, and Monotropic Spiral really resonate with me. We created new glossary pages and updated our Monotropism and Burnout pages with selections from their work:
- What is meerkat mode and how does it relate to AuDHD? – Emergent Divergence
- Creating Autistic Suffering: What is Atypical Burnout? – Emergent Divergence
- Creating Autistic Suffering: The AuDHD Burnout to Psychosis Cycle- A deeper look – Emergent Divergence
- Guest Post: What is monotropic split? – Emergent Divergence
Table of Contents
- Meerkat Mode
- Monotropic Spiral
- Monotropic Split
Meerkat Mode
Lovingly dubbed “meerkat mode” by Tanya due to the heightened state of vigilance and arousal it presents, it involves constantly looking for danger and threat. It is more than hyper-arousal, Tanya believes that it is actually an overwhelmed monotropic person desperately looking for a hook into a monotropic flow-state.
This is not just sensory hyper-arousal, it is the tendency of monotropic [AuDHD] minds to seek out a natural and consuming flow-state to aid recovery from burnout and/or monotropic split. Because of the heightened sensory-arousal and adrenal response that comes with it, monotropic flow becomes difficult to access, leading into monotropic spiral.”
What is meerkat mode?
- Hypervigilance
- Seeking a monotropic flow-state (Hyperfocus)
- Increased Sensory Dysregulation
- May be unable to stop or rest
What is meerkat mode and how does it relate to AuDHD? – Emergent Divergence
What atypical burnout can look like is being stuck in a hyper-aroused state, Tanya often affectionately dubs this as “meerkat-mode”, she describes a meerkat-type nervousness, constantly on the look out for danger, unable to focus and self-regulate creating the need for constant co-regulation with another person, and a fear of being left alone. This is sometimes misinterpreted as attachment disorder because of the childs perceived over-attachment to a parent or safe person. We often see this type of response from children and young people in traumatic school environments for extended periods of time.
Creating Autistic Suffering: What is Atypical Burnout? – Emergent Divergence
Lovingly dubbed “meerkat mode” by Tanya due to the heightened state of vigilance and arousal it presents, it involves constantly looking for danger and threat. It is more than hyper-arousal, Tanya believes that it is actually an overwhelmed monotropic person desperately looking for a hook into a monotropic flow-state.This is not just sensory hyper-arousal, it is the tendency of monotropic minds to seek out a natural and consuming flow-state to aid recovery from burnout and/or monotropic split. Because of the heightened sensory-arousal and adrenal response that comes with it, monotropic flow becomes difficult to access, leading into monotropic spiral.
Monotropic Spiral
Tanya’s original concept of Monotropic spiral results from the inertia of monotropic flow. It may involve obsessive-compulsive type occurrences of rumination about a particular subject of experience that pulls the person deeper and deeper into an all-consuming monotropic spiral. Associative thinking that starts connecting this to anything and everything, seemingly like an ever increasing black-hole (Adkin & Gray-Hammond, 2023; Gray-Hammond & Adkin, 2023).
This can lead to the development of apparent loss of insight into ones own mental state and reality as described by the general population.
Monotropic spiral is not psychosis. It is rather the vehicle that carries the person into psychotic phenomena, and maintains its inertia. Much like a star collapsing on itself, the resultant black-hole sucks in everything in its vicinity and is all-consuming.
A person experiencing monotropic spiral may lose insight and their sense of Self, compounded by a decoupling from shared reality.
Monotropic Split
Monotropic split refers to a very specific type of attentional trauma experienced by monotropic people who are regularly exceeding their attentional resources (Adkin, 2022) in an effort to meet the demands of living in a world designed for non-monotropic (polytropic) people. It inevitably leads to burnout.
So, what happens when a monotropic mind is forced to live in a polytropic way?
A monotropic individual focuses more detailed attention over fewer attention streams than a polytropic (non-Autistic) individual. When they are forced into environments where they must perform like a polytropic person, the amount of attention to detail they apply to multiple attention streams doesn’t decrease, all that happens is the monotropic mind experiences trauma by being pushed into trying to give more attention than any individual can cognitively give.
I call this monotropic split. The monotropic mind is having to split its attention and give more mental energy and attention than it has available to be able to withstand the environment it is in and remain safe.
When we think of an Autistic person experiencing overwhelm, we are thinking of a monotropic mind taking on more than it can process and creating meltdown or shutdown. Therefore, experiencing monotropic split is the cause of meltdown or shutdown.
When we think of an Autistic person who masks, “copes” and “gets by” which eventually leads to burnout or mental health crisis, we are again thinking of a monotropic mind being forced to perform in a way that traumatises its processing capabilities. This is monotropic split causing trauma, burnout, or mental health crisis.
Autistic burnout starts with monotropic split (Adkin, 2022) over a sustained period of time. Burnout recovery can take months or even years, and the recommended course of action is usually to remove as many demands as possible, and recharge through interest-led activities.
Creating Autistic Suffering: What is Atypical Burnout? – Emergent Divergence
Related pages from our website:
- Monotropism – Stimpunks Foundation
- The Monotropism Questionnaire Is Going Viral – Stimpunks Foundation
- Flow – Stimpunks Foundation
- Polyvagal Theory – Stimpunks Foundation
- Neuroception – Stimpunks Foundation
- Co-regulation – Stimpunks Foundation
- Meltdown – Stimpunks Foundation
- 🔥 Autistic Burnout: The Cost of Masking and Passing – Stimpunks Foundation
- Neuroception and Sensory Load: Our Complex Sensory Experiences – Stimpunks Foundation
#autisticBurnout #burnout #changelog #flow #meerkatMode #monotropicSpiral #monotropicSplit #monotropism #sensoryOverwhelm #trauma
The weight and tension of holidays when you don’t feel up for anything...
I wanted to get up earlier and go see my mom—whatever that was going to entail, as one never knows. I still haven’t gotten out of bed and it’s 8p. At the core of me my emotions read failure despite all this work I’ve been doing to let myself off the hook for everything, a lifetime of everythings.
I read a maybe 1,500 character post on Website League and mostly understood it. Then the next one was maybe 500 characters and my brain was like "no. I'm done." So that's how my day is going, fatigue-wise. Thank goodness for incredibly easy mobile games and really short social media posts.
*Yes* I realize it's ironic that I can *write* a post almost of the length that my brain said "no" to. Who knows why.
When we try to just “get over it”, we don’t learn how to deal with our own internal reactions to things in a more positive, useful way. All of the intensity just gets stored up and we brace ourselves against it.
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Neurodiversity #AuDHD #unmasking #AutisticMasking #Sensory #AutisticBurnout
I had two good days and I’m down again. Not just down, but like I slipped off a high ledge and fell through the earth. Heavy and in pieces.
The level of change that takes place in me… it’s unreal. It’s experiencing the inner life of two very different people, day to day. Sometimes hour to hour.
And then if I do find something that helps or works I get burnt out on it before I realize it’s no longer helping.
Weed is helping instead of hurting again and it couldn’t have switched over at a better time because I NEED comfort today. I need it most days, but today it’s been the difference between scraping the bottom with or without a bit of cushion. I’m not doing well, but at least I’m not chafed raw and bloody.
… Aaanndd someone just knocked on the door :bunhdgrumpy:
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