THE BAREKNUCKLE SSD INSTALLATION OATH
By Alan, Retired Jumper-Setting Legend

I, Alan, do solemnly swear upon this ungrounded carpet,
That I shall install this SSD with no wrist strap,
No anti-static mat,
And absolutely no regard for the gods of ESD.

I shall:

Grip this NVMe drive with the same bare hands that once re-seated a 486 CPU while smoking a rollie

Open this enclosure tool-free, not because it’s designed that way, but because I fear no screw

Insert this drive at a 30-degree angle, the way nature intended—and maybe swear if it doesn’t click first try

Connect my superfuckoff USB-C cable like a knight unsheathing Excalibur

Format the drive in exFAT, not because it’s cross-platform—but because I don’t remember what FAT32 stands for anymore

And should this drive:

Boot,

Mount,

And store 600GB of Takeout files without exploding...

Then I shall sit back, arms folded, and proclaim:

“I told you—never used a bloody earthing strap.”

Signed under no duress, no RMA,
and no bloody jumper caps.

🖖
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