A word about communication differences in autistic folks.

Non-autistic people: That confusion, frustration, surprise at sudden unexpected turns, and impatience that you experience constantly when listening to an autistic person about an important matter? Yeah, we feel *exactly* the same way about what you're saying, for *exactly* the same reasons. Only for us, we have to deal with that in almost every single person we meet, not just one. It's so pervasive and familiar to us that we invented a term for it, now confirmed by supporting research: the double empathy problem.

So before you cut one of us off or otherwise stop listening, please take a minute to consider what it's like to live on the business end of that negative behavior you're about to display. Imagine putting up with that from the majority of people you interact with. And maybe try to listen a little more attentively. Because whether people listen or not, we do have things we need to say.

#ActuallyAutistic
#DoubleEmpathy
@actuallyautistic

It's Autism Day/Month, and I keep telling people they need to learn from autistic people... But what do they most need to know? It's funny, none of the key autistic theories about autism are just about autism: #Neurodiversity, #Monotropism, #DoubleEmpathy. oolong.medium.com/506c7d649823

Autistics on Autism

"Theory of mind"

And why it isn't all it's cracked up to be.

A thread.

🧵

#Autistic #ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent #AuDHD #ADHD #Neurodiversity #TheoryOfMind #Psychology #DoubleEmpathy

#Autism #DoubleEmpathy #Masking #Neurotype #Neurodiversity #Neurodivergent #AuDHD #AutisticCommunication #Autistic #ActuallyAutistic

#Autism #ActuallyAutistic #AutismAndMetaphors #Metaphors #AutismUnderstanding //\\

Autism and Understanding Metaphors

#DoubleEmpathy #DoubleEmpathyProblem //\\ #FWakeMeta #FWakeMetaphores

For those playing along at home, here’s how I assess myself at meeting the stated needs of my SO as these things have been expressed to me:

Being inquisitive 10%
Shared space 10-20%
Not needing to be micromanaged 20%
Emotional engagement 30%
Verbal expressions of affection 30%
Engagement in activities 30%
Not getting defensive 30%
Engaging in conversation 30%
Physical displays of affection 40%
Remaining open to dialogue 60%
Housework 80%
Practical help 90%

Note that these concepts are scored according to their definition of what those traits entail (e.g. I’m very inquisitive, but don’t ask them many questions, I tend to be led through conversations we have).

Also note, this is not meant to be judgmental of them asking for these things - they have every right to want them in a relationship and ask for them.

I’m feeling right now that I’m incapable of meeting their needs to a viable level to maintain the relationship, and I have no idea when I might be in a position to meet those needs to a viable level.

At the same time, I feel like I’m not meeting some of my needs (time/space alone to work through childhood trauma pushed down for 50+ years, for one), and because I’m a DAPP*, I find it hard to give myself the space and time I feel I need when I’m in a "living together" arrangement.

If I were to rate my suitability for being in a long-term, living-together relationship right now, I’d probably put it at about 20%.

Let’s see what their psych says when we have a joint session with them tomorrow - I’ll likely be reminded of several other things to add to the above list before then.

An “interesting" 20 hours ahead 😳

#ActuallyAutistic #DoubleEmpathy #ActuallyPDA

*https://zaxxon.bot/objects/gTq7klMKIoI

#Autistamatic //\\ #AutisticAdults

#DoubleEmpathy //\\

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYbdNw7JRCQ

#DamienMilton, who came up with the "Double Empathy theory" in autism is speaking at this years #AsIAm conference in #Dublin and this makes me happy.

#DoubleEmpathy
#Autism
@actuallyautistic
#Ireland

The entire history of autism research has been a case study in people not realizing how many hidden, mistaken assumptions they make. I considered listing examples but it's hard to think of things that *aren't* examples.

#ActuallyAutistic
#DoubleEmpathy
#autism
#research
#AutismResearch
#MistakenAssumptions

often opressed
adore the opressive
double empathy

#MastoPrompt - adore
#haiku
#poem
#SmallPoems
#poetry
#PoetryCommunity
#writing
#WritingCommunity

@dailyhaikuprompt

@actuallyautistic
#actuallyautistic #DoubleEmpathy

@JeremyMallin It’s deliciously #ironic.

#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #DoubleEmpathy #AlanisMorissette @actuallyautistic

@KitOz

That study on brain synchronicity is interesting.

I can't wait for someone to try it out on #ActuallyAutistic people as a way of exploring the #DoubleEmpathy problem.

The part about greater synchronicity between creatures with a strong sense of their place in the status hierarchy was especially intriguing.

Is it bad that I'd be kind of horrified if my brain didn't show itself resistant to synchronizing with most folks ?!? 🤦‍♀️

@joshsusser @roryreckons that is a major oversight! Quite odd. They do cite Noah Sasson on thin-slice judgements, so they can't have been *totally* unaware of the #doubleEmpathy problem.

Great topic though! Looks like really useful research, I'm a little surprised I missed it at the time.

Recommended: “Why everything you know about #autism is wrong” by #OpenlyAutistic Dr. Jac den Houting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1AUdaH-EPM

For me, I think this is a very good video to pass as an introduction of sorts to family, friends, colleagues, who are not (yet) knowledgeable about us. Most especially to those who only (blindly) listen to doctors/professionals or to reputable (public) figures.

#TED #TEDx #TEDtalks #TEDxTalks #AutismSspectrum #Autistic #Autistics #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAutistics #Neurodivergent #DoubleEmpathy #SocialDisability #Disability

@actuallyautistic

@neurodivergence

@jtphillipsmnr you are exactly right. The exchange of good, encouraging and constructive feedback, both receiving and giving, is challenging. Have you heard of the “double empathy” problem? According to the double empathy, framework, the autistic-neurotypical communication gap is a mutual problem that both groups share responsibility for solving. #DoubleEmpathy #ItsNotYou

@KaCi @actuallyautistic yes!

If you haven't read @scrappapertiger's 'When everyone is speaking a different language' I think you might appreciate it very much; it's on exactly this theme.

#Alexithymia #creativity #doubleEmpathy
https://link.medium.com/aAoL6bho2wb

#Autism #Autistic #DoubleEmpathy #Autists #Allists #GoodPlace
@milton_damian