Lmst

For sale, best offer...

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#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #Appliances #ForSaleAds #FacebookAds

Meme with a photo of a flat round washer (the kind that goes with nuts and bolts) and a clothes pin. Meme text reads, "Washer and dryer for sale. Serious inquiries only."

You need to ask yourself how much those socks are worth to you.

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#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Dogs #Dogstodon #DogsOfMastodon #Yorkies #YorkiesOfMastodon

A cute but slightly angry looking Yorkie is looking back over his shoulder. Meme text reads, "Yes, I do know where your socks are. And I believe you know where the treats are."

Always remember:
Wherever you go... There you are.

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#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Squirrel #SquirrelsOfMastodon #Squirrelstodon #Squirrel #Camera #Photography

Two-panel meme. Top panel shows a squirrel trying to look into the imaging end of a camera lens. Meme text reads, "I'm looking for a nut."

Second panel is a little circle in a black background. The squirrel's nose and smiling face are peaking in the circle. Meme text reads, "Oh, there you are!"

If he thought he could fly, he must have been nuts-- or at least a little squirrelly.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Squirrel #SquirrelsOfMastodon #Squirrelstodon #Squirrel #FlyingSquirrels

Comix with two squirrels on a tree branch, both are looking down. One says, "Well. There you go. I guess Frank wasn't a flying squirrel after all."

It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Andor #StarWars #PrincessLeia #CarrieFisher #Puns #ReturnOfTheJedi

Two-panel meme, with two photos of actresses Carrie Fisher as Princess Liea from Star Wars.

Left panel shows Leia in full robe, holding a blaster weapon. Meme text reads, "Concealed Carrie."

Right panel shows Leia in the skimpy slave girl costume she wore in Return of the Jedi while held captive by Jabba the Hutt. Meme text reads, "Open Carrie."

Reminder that this upcoming Sunday is #MothersDay .

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Moms #MomsDay #MothersDayMemes #Mother's #Parenting #HappyMothersDay

1950s-style image with a mother and a little girl, cooking in a kitchen. The woman says, "Am I a good mother, Susan?"

The little girl replies, "My name is Amy."

I know this one is a bit late, but it was too good to ignore...

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#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Mayo #CincoDeMayo #Cinco_De_Mayo

Visual pun: Photo of a large can of mayonnaise (the label clearly says "Kraft Mayo") sitting in a sink.

Bonus #Joke
Question: What did the poet say to Luke Skywalker?
Answer: “Metaphors be with you.”

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Poets #Shakespeare #ApartmentForRent #ClassifiedAds #WilliamShakespeare #MayTheFourth #StarWars #Typo

Two-part meme. The top of the meme is a classified ad which reads,

"Unfurnished Apartments for Rent

BEDROOM Apartment. All utilities included. No poets. No Smoking. Available July 1st. 802-747-9094."
In the ad, the typo "No Poets" is circled.

The bottom half of the meme shows an image of William Shakespeare, and the text with him reads, "What the hell, man?"

My friend told me this story:
"In my first-year Psychology class, the lecture was on Pavlov and his dogs. By the end of the lecture, I thought, 'What stupid dogs!'

Then the bell rang, and we all went to lunch."

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Pavlov #PavlovsDogs #Psychology #SchrodingersCat #HumanBehavior

Text-only meme. It reads, "A man walks up to a librarian and asks, 'Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?'

The librarian responds, 'It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not'."

Someone called the Kentucky Derby "Amish Nascar" and my day hasn't been the same.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #NASCAR #KentuckyDerby #Racecar #Racing

One-panel comic showing a classroom full of desks with an automobile steering wheel on each desk. The students all have baseball caps and are wearing NASCAR fan jackets.

The teacher, up at the blackboard, is wearing a full racing outfit, with helmet, gloves, and all. He is holding a stick and pointing at the chalkboard. Written on the chalkboard are the words:
1. Turn left
2. Turn left
3. Turn left
4. Turn left
Repeat

The meme title reads, "NASCAR Driver's Education."

The next time you think about how lousy your job is, try to remember that there's probably someone whose job is worse.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #DirtyJob #ToiletPaper #DirtyJobs #TP #IHateMyJob

Meme showing a toothbrush standing next to a roll of toilet paper. The toothbrush has toothpaste on it, and says, "I hate my job."

The frowning TP roll replies, "Oh, PLEASE!"

Yes, it sounds like a freight train. But you're not a hobo, so don't try to ride one.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Twister #Tornado #Tornadoes #Twisters #Weather #WeatherMemes #TornadoWarning #Signs

A two-column and four-row "Wacky Weather" sign about tornado warnings. It reads:

TORNADO DOs AND DON'Ts

DO: Seek shelter.
DON'T: Stand outside holding a pair of unchecked hollering "Bring it on, asshole!"

DO: Stay away from windows.
DON'T: Use a series of electric wind fans to try and steer the tornado towards your ex's house.

DO: Bring animals indoors.
DON'T: Try to stab the tornado with a wooden stake. That is vampires. You are thinking of vampires.

DO: Listen for weather.
DON'T: Get attached. The tornado will eventually leave you just like everything else in your miserable life.

Bear with me for this joke...

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Hiking #Hikers #Bears #BearsOfMastodon #Bearstodon #BlackBears #GrizzlyBears #SignFails #SignFail #BewareTheSigns

Park district sign, which reads:

"WARNING!

Frequency of human-bear encounters!

Hikers: please take extra precautions and wear little noisy bells on clothing to give advance warning and avoid surprising the animals. We also suggest carrying pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

Be vigilant for fresh bear activity and distinguish between Black bear and Grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces are smaller and contain lots of berries and squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear shit has bells in it and smells like pepper. Happy hiking...

You've probably heard: Trump has ended his #First100Days at only 40% approval rating-- the lowest of any President at this point in their term.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Trump #USPol #USPolitics #Polls #Pollsters

Photo of Donald Trump on the ground at a golf course. His golf club is in front of him on the ground, and he seems to be crawling. Meme text reads, "Help! I've fallen in the polls and I can't get up."

#FreeComicBookDay is this Saturday, May 3rd, around the world. Go to any #ComicBook store that day and pick up some FREE comics. Many are especially written for kids, and many are aimed for adults who are unfamiliar with the characters.

https://www.freecomicbookday.com/

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Batman #Superman #DCcomics #Superheroes #SuperheroDay #ComicBooks #Comics #ComicBookStore #Comic_Book_Store

Comic book panel showing Superman floating in front of a huge billboard. It reads, "Welcome to Metropolis, Home of Superman" and has a huge picture of Superman's face on it.

Batman is hanging in front of Superman's image, with his cape spread out to look like a mustache on Superman.

The floating Superman says, "Not funny, Bruce."

(Art by Kerry Cullen.)

Bonus #DadJoke
Q: What's another name for a baby adoption center?
A: The Stork Market.

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Babies #Baby #Stork #Storks #StorksOfMastodon #Storkstodon #UberEats #DoorDash

Single-panel comic strip by Nate Fakes from 15 August 2023. The scene is outside the front door of a house. A baby is crawling out of a blanket on the stoop. Nearby, a stork is holding a cell phone in front of himself. The stork says, "Hold still! I have to get a photo to show you were delivered."

"Bigger on the inside..."

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Tardis #DoctorWho #Whoniverse #Doctor_Who #DrWho #Tea #Teatime #Teapots

Photo of a tea pot shaped like Doctor Who's Tardis. The lid is off, and someone is pouring hot water into its top from a teakettle. Meme text reads, "I've been pouring into this damn thing for 45 minutes.'

Bonus #Joke
A man joined a cloistered order, and one of the things he noticed was that the same food was served for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Also, all the meals were eaten in silence except for one elderly monk who would say "Hebrews, Chapter 13 verse 8" before every meal.

After a week or so of this ritual, he was intrigued and decided to look up this passage in the Bible.

When he did, he burst out laughing because it said, "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today, and forever!"

(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)

#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Religion #Catholicism #Catholics #Monks #Monks

Photo of two monks, seated in small folding chairs on some grass, one behind the other. The one in the rear is bending forward and holding some of the rope used to tie the other monk's robe shut as a belt. It appears he is trying to tie it around the back of the chair. Meme text reads, "When good monks go bad."

...Achieved thanks in large part to the efforts of that international organization, "Green Peas."

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#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Earth #EarthDay #Earth_Day #EarthDay2025 #Peas #GreenPeas #WorldPeace

Photo showing green peas arranged in the general shape of a world map. Meme text reads, "FINALLY ACHIEVED...World Peas."

I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day.

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#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Earth #EarthDay #Earth_Day #FlatEarthers #flat_earthers_all_around_the_globe #Cats #Catstodon #CatsOfMastodon #Caturday

#HootinTootinTuesday

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