A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey!”

The horse replies, “Sure.”

#joke

@pumuckl Wo ist der Vorwiderstand? ;-) #Fun #Joke

Sehr schoener Aufbau, v.a. die Bueroklammern!

A gentle old lady I knew
Was dozing one day in her pew;
When the preacher yelled 'Sin!'
She said,'Count me in!
As soon as the service is through

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

Schmeckt wie Hühnchen 😋 /j #joke not yet tested 🤷

#Joke #Humour

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>;
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s OK sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device sir?”

Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”

Me: “I think it's already on.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”

Me: “I don’t see that.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”

Me: “Yes.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”

Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”

Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”

Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”

Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”

Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “OK sir. Please press that button.”

Me: “Ok.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”

Me: “No. The door popped open.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”

Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”

Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”

Joke:

Board: So we need more AI
But we already have AI at home.

AI at home : Automatic Identification (AI) (commonly known as bar code scanner)

#joke #ai #board #athome

#joke

​A man drives a cart full of coal into the village square. He shouts, "Hey everyone, I've brought coal!" The horse turns around to him and says, "Yeah, you fucking did!"

I messed up the #joke ... should have been 255, of course. :-/

Kaspersky na Linuksa. Udostępnili swoje oprogramowanie na linuksa.
Po co? Który normalny użytkownik linuksa, użyje ruskiego szpiegowskiego ścierwa na bezpiecznym systemie?
#joke #komputery #linux

There once was a kingsnake named Elvis
with a less-than-vestigial pelvis
and the bulge in his jeans
came from twin hemipenes
I'm much too embarrassed to tell this

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

A quotation from Josh Billings

Fun is the cheapest fisick that haz bin diskovered yet, and the eazyest to take. Fun pills are sugar coated, and no change ov diet iz necessary while taking them. A little fun will sumtimes go a grate ways, i hav known men to liv to a good old age on one joke, which they managed to tell az often az once a day, and do all the laffing themselves besides that waz done.
 
[Fun is the cheapest physic that has been discovered yet, and the easiest to take. Fun pills are sugar coated, and no change of diet is necessary while taking them. A little fun will sometimes go a great ways; I have known men to live to a good old age on one joke, which they managed to tell as often as once a day, and do all the laughing themselves besides that was done.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist, aphorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings’ Farmer’s Allminax, 1875-04 “Fun” (1875 ed.)

More about this quote: wist.info/billings-josh/80400/

#quote #quotes #quotation #qotd #joshbillings #cure #fun #goodspirits #humor #jocularity #joke #medicine #repetition #senseofhumor #treatment

#valeriededo #aiart #funny #humor #joke #meme

Said Rapunzel, high up in her castle
'This is getting to be quite a hassle -
I've given up hope
Of a prince with a rope
So I'm growing my hair past my astle

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

There once was a man from Australia
Who had rather large genitalia
he said to his bride,
don't try to hide
'cause wherever you go I can nail ya

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟭𝟯’ 🍺

A little misunderstanding (or was it?) 😏

#webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?

Hip hop.

#joke

There was a man from Havana,
Who thought he could play the piana (it rhymes with Havana)
His fingers slipped,
his zipper unzipped.
And out came a hairy banana

#jokes #limerick #funny #poem #humour #joke