📘 "The Oldest Bitch Alive" by Morgan Day
This title isn't out yet, but will be released in March 2026. I received a digital ARC for it (thanks!).
This book sure is a little oddball, and a cool one at that.
There's a mountain range, and in those mountains there's a lake, and on that lake there's a glass house, and in that house there's a couple, and with that couple is a small, aging French bulldog: Gelsomina.
There are no big adventures for Gelsomina. She's limited by glass walls and her traitorous collar. No rubbing her butt when she's itchy! No jumping and licking wherever she wants! Gelsomina can't act on her own will, because she's a pet: contained, spayed and bound by human will.
But that's not all. Two parasitic worms have started living within Gelsomina. Not only is she subjected to two big creatures who shape her external world, but also two tiny creatures that are changing her internal one. Can Gelsomina get a break? Not really, because there's Zampanò, the couple's newest, young French bulldog. He's nice enough, but just in a different phase of life.
Seeing all this play out through the dog's eyes, but also through the worms', and sometimes through others', was a trip. It's confusing, but fascinating once you learn to just roll with it. I really enjoyed my reading experience.
My only complaint, oddly enough, is that sometimes I wish I could have reveled more in that unknown, in the vagueness of it all. I love looking up terms, coming up with my own ideas, spending the evening on Wikipedia because something I read in a book sparked curiosity in me. I felt like this book wanted me, as the reader, to be like that, and in that desire, pushed it a little with trying to direct me to certain knowledge in a few chapters. Like a little quest marker in a game.
There's reflections on architecture and design woven throughout the novel too, which I liked. The glass house, so open and light, trying to blend into the nature surrounding it, comes to feel like nothing more than a prison. The descriptions made me think back to when I was in university. We had to do a group project in pairs. I had to work together with a 30-something millionaire. She refused to meet at my place (too poor) and didn't want to work in the library or a different public space (too gross). She lived in a glass villa and demanded we work on our project there. My first time there she was mortified that I drank water from the tap. Visiting her filled me with dread, being in her home made me feel like I was locked in an aquarium. She was a narrow-minded bully, but thought of herself as progressive and sophisticated. It's fitting. I can't help but link all of these big, silly, glass houses to her now, haha.
Overall, I thought this was a special book. It makes me excited that little weirdos (affectionately) like this one are getting published. Would very much recommend if you like experimental fiction, or have any interest in design, animal rights, being absorbed into the universe only to find out you were part of it all along, what it means to be free, cute dogs, biology. If all that fails, I'm sure the title will draw your attention!
