@vriska @trans_caracal its a united queendom last i checked #MENINISM #MENSRIGHTS

I met a "semi-famous YouTuber" (his own self-description) recently on Discord. He makes videos about the Men’s Rights Movement, and calls himself a Men’s Right’s Activist. When I asked him what rights men are lacking that he’s fighting for, he made some vague noises about conscription in some countries and a supposed education gap, along with the fact that women live longer on average. After I explained to him the difference between rights and statistical trends, I asked him what rights he, personally, was lacking, and he admitted that "men’s rights movement" is a bit of a misnomer, not what he would have called it, but it had already been chosen before he was even born, so don’t blame him.

(The conversation was exactly as calm and measured as I’m making it sound. And speaking as the king of all of Siam, I would never lie about such a thing.)

After reaching what we both recognized as an amicable impasse—that is, after he was unceremoniously booted from the server for screeching about "feminist hate speech" a few too many times—I reflected on my own relationship with masculinity, and in particular with the word "man." I recall being bored one afternoon in my dorm room during freshman year, and flipping through my roommate’s fraternity handbook. It started with something like an oath they would recite in unison at meetings, which began, "We, the men of Epsilon Eridani Fraternity…" and I remember thinking, sure, we’re generally 18 and over, but men? If you have to say it to convince yourself…

I experienced a similar feeling at my cousin’s graduation from Marine Corps boot camp. The ceremony began with a short film, giving a brief overview of everything the freshly-minted jarheads had just been through. The gist of the message, summarized by the narrator at the end, was that "We don’t build Marines. We build strong, independent-minded men." After the lights came up, the camp CO asked us all to rise for the pledge of allegiance. No sooner had the words "please rise" left his lips than all of the rows of strong, independent-minded men seated at the front popped from their seats to full attention, in perfect unison, as though they had spent all afternoon rehearsing for the moment (which, it turned out, they had). I don’t think I’ve ever snickered my way through a flag pledge quite like I did that day.

Boys in this country—probably in all countries—grow up being constantly told what it means to be a man. "Men stand up for themselves. Men don’t lie. Men are ___" (fill in the blank with whatever you like: trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, and all the other things no Scout I ever met fully lived up to). Most of it is contradictory and mutually exclusive: men are self-driven and free thinking, but also men share a lot of opinions in common, mostly revolving around food, clothes, hobbies, and sexuality. If you eat the wrong thing, dress the wrong way, sleep with the wrong people, or pass the time in a less than manly manner, then you simply aren’t a man.

The only thing that is clear from any of this is that a "man" is not simply an adult male. But every adult male, if you ask him, will proclaim himself a man. Pressed further, he will happily produce clearly-labeled color charts delineating precisely who is and is not a man. And while each man’s chart will be different, each man will put himself at the very center, as the standard by which all men should be judged. (Or, if not himself, then the man he most strives to be like, but with himself as the second-nearest the center.)

It’s too much stupidity for an ornery contrarian to bother with. I decided some years ago now to put the lie to the axiom, expressed above, that every adult male claims to be a man. To be a man requires that one know—that is to say, have strong overriding opinions about—what it means to be a man, and I can no longer claim to. So, call me a guy if you want to. A dude. A fella. (I’m rather partial to bloke, myself. I like being part of the Bloke Mind Virus.) But don’t call me a man. I like quiche far too much for that, and if you think that makes me unmanly, well, bless you.

One important caveat, though: for purposes of sociopolitical divides and restorative justice, I am still undeniably part of the group commonly called "men." I have benefited from being male in a male-dominated society, in the same ways I have benefited from being white, straight, cisgender, et cetera; and I owe restitution to those who have suffered for not fitting those descriptions. In no way should this screed be construed as a shirking of that debt.

#masculinity #men #mensrights #mrm #mra #blokemindvirus #feminism #gender #genderpolitics #genderidentity #genderjustice