I'm stuck. Incapable of anything. I have walked the dog and collected prescriptions from the Docs, but I'm stuck again now.
My son had his driving test yesterday and I have been so focused on that. He didn't pass unfortunately and now I'm stuck
#adhd #inertia #ndInertia #NoSpoons

@actuallyadhd @autistics
I keep forgetting that even good being social knocks me so far sideways that all I've managed is a bit of washing up & hanging washing.
Whilst I loaded & started the washing around midday, it was something after 18:00 before I even got anything else done.

Just about managed feeding myself, even though I was hungry for tea I had zero idea or enthusiasm for cooking. Plan A failed as I didn't have any mixed veg in the freezer to go with whatever tinned thing I picked.
Plan B just about made it.

🎶 Hello AuDHD,
it's nice to talk with you ag-
…

OK! Come back here! …

My plans for getting a decent start on decorations flunked & has not returned.
Just finished tea 'bout half an hour ago & it's already pretty much supper time, if I want a chance of waking up early enough & feeling remotely productive tomorrow, that is.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #SelfCare #TimeBlindness #ExecutiveDysfunction

I have to ask the fediverse this question... why do people insist on directly tagging random strangers to ask for assistance especially if their bio specifically says to not directly message but will boost posts and is not in a position to give money? I mean I always feel guilty when people ask me directly and I can't provide and I have plenty of mental health issues that I am working on...

#NoSpoons #EmptyCup #EmotionallyDrained

@actuallyautistic

@actuallyadhd @autistics

I really wish my Mam wasn't such a technophobe. Doubly annoying that she lives so far away & triply so that she doesn't ask one of her more tech savvy friend's to help her get to grips with her phone.

The flip side is that she's the only person who phones me so I have no way to verify if all the phone call woes are her accidentally triggering things by touching buttons or things on screen (I can imagine her holding the phone slightly away from her ear so the in-call screen is displayed) & putting herself on mute or me on hold.

Is it her or has my phone, network or the Lineage OS developed problems?

After today's particularly Mute & Hold heavy call, or calls - I'd have to hang up & phone her again & again to get back to having a conversation instead of hearing nothing or being on hold - I hope she will take my strong suggestion of asking one, or some of her friends to help her.

I was hoping she would be coming over for xmas or new year's, giving me a chance to check her phone, maybe minimize google spying & if I can figure out how to be patient enough show her how to use her phone whilst knowing she won't remember or will struggle to remember.
I'd also have to hope I can still fathom how phones running android OS work as it's been several years.

I don't have the spoons to go visit her & with the festively terrible (non-existant) public transport between hers & the nearest hotel ensuring my spoon tank is permanently empty for the duration so it's probably not a good idea.
Last year I left her's on xmas day just before we were going to have dinner. Walking back to the hotel in tears & having snacks instead of a good meal. I do not recommend as it's probably my worst xmas & would not like a repeat. 😔😢😞.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #SelfCare #Technophobia #TechEducation #TechFails #EpicTechFails #Enshittification

@actuallyadhd @autistics

Really need to get to bed before midnight tonight, or I turn into a gremlin or something 🤷.

I need to start reclaiming my mornings as it would be nice to get to about lunch time & actually have accomplished some thing. Just simple things maybe but things like a bit of house cleaning, going for a walk, some reading & maybe a little bit of writing & drawing.

Maybe it could boost my confidence & make it possible to volunteer somewhere, even if the local volunteering options are only charity shop work.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #MindFog #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #LackOfFocus #SelfCare #Depression #Life #Sleep #SleepProblems

Wishing my burnout would just walk out the door instead of always bouncing back at me off the doorframe.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons

#Espresso or #ImperialStout? My nose knows the truth. Am home and lying on the couch. #NoSpoons Chris is not available. Please check back in 15 minutes after naps.

Heute überfordert mit dem Dessert. (Obstsalat)

Habe jetzt die Früchte sortiert.
Das geht besser. Ansich mag ich jede dieser Obstsorten. (Apfel, Traube und Banane.)
Aber dieses Konsitenz-Gemisch...

(Sag mir, dass du im #ASS bist ohne zu sagen, dass du Autistin bist.)
No #NoSpoons

#ALT4you
#neurodivergent
#mentalhealth

Shopping done & I should not have looked at the time.
Well, all unpacked & the food prep is now done. Let's just say lunch & tea now occupy more or less the same space. I just need a large hadron collider so I can send my lunch & tea to collide & become one meal.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #Life #Adulting #Food

@actuallyadhd @autistics

Today is not going according to my wishes or vague plans. Trying not to stress out over it & I'm losing myself in thoughts over how to simplify & organise next year's bullet journal.
This spiralled into, how can I get back on the, dealing with housework & cleaning wagon, as at some point I completely fell off. So, major paralysis on how or where to start.

Toying with the idea of introducing a, do one small thing everyday either before or immediately after breakfast, so that it's done.
Just small things like, clean the bathroom sink or pick up some random crap that I never tidied up.

If I can persuade myself to write down that I did it & when & then do the same for the following times that things get done, I might eventually have a realistic roster of things. Just need to remember to keep it flexible. If the day the floor need vacuuming I'm not up to it, swap it for something else or just shunt everything along a day.
As long as I don't fall into the trap of shunting things along indefinitely, I might be okay.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Life #TidyUp #CleanUp #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons

My mom wanted us to get groceries earlier today for her. I was already worried about it because I wasn’t very awake yet. I began getting more and more anxious while driving because I obviously didn’t want to get into an accident. When we actually got to the store I stayed in the car and tried to not have a panic attack. By the time Wren got back out with the food I was somewhat more awake so driving home was a little easier. My stepdad pulled me aside later and was asking if I’m okay & how I should let them help me. He was saying that the attacks are going to get worse as I get older if I don’t get help for them. I really do want therapy again but I’ve been putting it off for various reasons. I miss my therapist that I had for several years. I hope that she’s doing okay. I was supposed to get an autism assessment done where she works but by the time I was called about an appointment I had just moved to a new state. Part of me doesn’t want the assessment now because people will always treat someone who’s diagnosed with autism poorly. Not to mention that Trump is not helping with the ableism with the dumb things he’s said lately about being on the spectrum.

I’m so tired chat. I must’ve caught a stomach bug or ate something bad. :blobfoxcry2:

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Today's diary entry:
Good decision to ditch any schedule & just roll with the day. Even though I wouldn't say I did much at all, there were things I just got up & did, which if I'd had a schedule I'd just have left because not scheduled & I need my dice for my scheduled tasks.

Sharing because, instead of a day of being useless I found that there were little things that I now, with my, two dice short of a spoon, levels could do & finally also felt like I had the time to do them.
Whilst, small & easy things to do, they still made me feel like I'd done something, especially as some of them have been neglected.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #Depression #SelfCare

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Today's plans got chucked in the bin last night.
First I messed up, then my guts kept me awake for 1½ hours. Still had a few things planned but I'll try & see if today can be used to begin weaning me off plans.
If in can wean myself off plans, maybe I can begin to learn to be a bit more spontaneous, or so goes the theory.

First, try wrapping my head around the 'be kind / gentle with yourself' mantra as I always fall into the trap of, '-but this needs doing, or I can quickly do this, & that & probably this thing!
Next thing I know, it's taken me 6 - 8 hours not including food breaks to get these three, quick & simple tasks done & I'm as relaxed as mouse in a trap, being stalked by a cat.

Here's hoping I can put a crack in that self-destructive cycle.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons
#Depression #Sleep #SleepProblems

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Waking up & wondering why my bedside lamp is on & why my phone isn't next to it?
Especially as I remember putting phone next to it & switching the lamp off.
Hello, life stresses. What's happening now?

Also, why does my body default to 6 hours sleep? When it clearly needs more? And yet it won't let me install the Nap Time plugin I so desperately need.

Result: permanent dice / spoon deficit

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Sleep #Insomnia #SleepProblems #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Me & my brain are so out of sync. Part of my brain wants to be creative by writing who knows what (I have no clue) or maybe scribbling some things on large paper to be turned into something arty. It also wants to go out, either on a pub crawl or clubbing as long as it's something social but not boring (anything sedate/mundane).

It wants to turn one room into a place that I can instantly turn into either a space to be creative or where I can shove my Bluetooth headphones on, switch the lights to party-mode & pour myself a drink whilst asking me how my day was as the music plays & gets me moving.

The remainder of my brain, or rather my physical self is too exhausted & out of dice & spoons.
Mentally bouncing off the walls whilst in burnout is … annoying.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons

I'm usually chill rocking my cripple punk lifestyle but today was a day where I gave in to the "Only knives left" attitude and would have shived the dr that was sure I was exaggerating celiacs, and Endo and chronic fatigue and fibro, and unexplained muscle loss in my leg. Trying not to get into the "if that mofo had believed me maybe I wouldn't be in so much pain" rabbit hole of seething anger. #neisvoid #disabled #nospoons

Feeling wierdly inspired to make a schedule or roster. Problem is I know I'm either, A) going to try it & fail within minutes, hours, days or at some point in the second week or, B) will find myself unable to try it because I've forgotten there's things I need to do that don't fit or because I just don't have the dice/spoons/battery.

It is of course typical that I'm settling down to have supper & watch a film before making an attempt to get to bed before 00:30 instead of after 02:30 when.this urge has to strike. I would like to be able to enjoy my mornings without sleeping or dozing through them.
Fingers 🤞 the movie & my supper distract me enough to leave it till a more sensible time.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Hyperfocus #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons #Focus #Life #Sleep #SleepProblems

What became of my usually busy day with a medium to heavy peopling afternoon?

I had my reasons for not wanting a Windoze PC, ever.
I failed to leave the house for artistic peopling & shopping.
I failed to leave the house to just do shopping.

I did tackle some washing up.
I did read my paper & my books & some lunch in between.
I just about made tea.

Now, wrapping my head round delousing the PC or I might leave it till tomorrow.

Either way, I've felt ready to crash the whole day.

…

Sod it, PC can wait, where's the TV's HDMI cable? My laptop needs it!

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons

How a little problem can wreck a day on Planet Autistic:

No art group for me today. To many spoons & time wasted on trying to watch Netflix on a freshly de-Copiloted Win 10 nightmare.

Just going to do my household task(s) & maybe drag myself out on a food purchasing run, probably on foot as I'm not sure I can handle driving right now. Though I'm not sure I'm up for walking anywhere either.

If I get my arse in gear & get things done early enough, & dice / spoon reserves permitting, I'll fix the PC by switching to my preferred Linux OS that doesn't block me from enjoying the websites I enjoy.
If not, I'll hook my TV up to my laptop & deal with the PC another day.

There's probably more but those spoons have been obliterated so I can't see or feel or sound out what to write about it.

EDIT: Nope, definitely not enough spoonery in the jar so no going out the door into the big, real world outside. Can't even face getting changed into my people facing gear.

#AuDHD #Autistic #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #ActuallyAutistic #Burnout #Spoons #NoSpoons