Hostilities on Mother’s Day
I haven’t updated for few weeks because you’ve been in Coldland on holiday.
At the first court day, your mum asked for approval to take a holiday with you. This was partly to suggest I didn’t let you go over Christmas.
When she raised the issue last year, her email suggested she was merely informing me of her plans, rather than confirming consent. She asserts things and then refuses to discuss. In circumstances like this, she would need my permission.
Rather than discuss holidays and when I could see you, she chooses to refuse to speak.
A part of me fears she could take you even further away, and make a relationship between us as hard as possible – if not impossible.
I told your mum that her having you over Christmas and New Year should mean you get the chance to be with me and your paternal family the next year. Rather than accept this, being reasonable and likely to be set by the courts anyway, she accused me of ruining her Christmas break.
It was awful not being able give you a kiss on Christmas Day and my family were very upset not to be able to see or speak to you. I still don’t know where you were that day.
Mother’s Day
At this point, past midweek, I don’t know if I’ll see you on the weekend. I haven’t seen you for 2 weeks. I haven’t been able to give you a cuddle or pat on the bum for too long.
Your mum asked me about swapping Sunday (Mother’s Day) for Saturday and I said yes because I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of an occasion like this. I’ve never tried to make her connection with you difficult.
The rail strikes were confirmed this week, meaning I won’t be able to make it to River Town on Saturday because during rail strikes there are no rail replacement buses. I suggested 2 options for your mum, the first that she makes it down to the Big City using her car, or we revert back to Sunday.
I understand she would have made plans, but equally I would hope that she would be reasonable and take on board that the strikes are not in my control.
At this point it appears she has decided not to switch back meaning a third week of not seeing you and following a 2 week holiday.
Marathon training and having you in my mind
I’m doing the Big City Marathon in just over a month, as I train and do long runs, my mind goes round in circles thinking about you. Your smell, the way our cuddles are a perfect match.
Hopelessness when even being reasonable doesn’t work
I’m really down all the time. I don’t know what happened for all this to happen. Your mum pushes beyond what I thought would be the limits.
The only thing left is for her to accuse me of harming you. I don’t know what I’d do if she does that. I’m 1 accident from losing you. 1 bump in the park or me falling over while holding you. I can’t bear thinking what your mum would do to use it against me.
I have all my energy working to see us through this. My love for you is infinite and I will never give up on being your loving dad together alongside your mum because I want you to have us both in your life equally.
Listen through the podcast
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6dB2JJMRbJ5SwSeWihvzmo?si=Y4AsURcAReCzCoVZVq23Ig
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