Nomes live ten times faster than humans. They're harder to see than a high- speed mouse. That's one reason why most humans hardly ever see them. The other is that humans are very good at not seeing things they know aren't there. And, since sensible humans know that there are no such things as people four inches high, a nome who doesn't want to be seen probably won't be seen.

Terry Pratchett, Wings

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For Magrat, stepping into a man's bedroom was like an explorer stepping on to that part of the map marked Here Be Dragons.

Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

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Women's clothes were not a subject that preoccupied Cutwell much -- in fact, usually when he thought about women his mental pictures seldom included any clothes at all -- but the vision in front of him really did take his breath away.

Princess Keli prepares for her coronation
Terry Pratchett, Mort

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"You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?"

Crowley the demon and Aziraphale the angel in conversation
Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens

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Rumour is information distilled so finely that it can filter through anything. It does not need doors and windows -- sometimes it does not need people. It can exist free and wild, running from ear to ear without ever touching lips.

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

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Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're being chased and eaten by most of the planet's large animals, and suddenly tiny versions of one of the worst of them wanders into the cave and starts to purr.

Why humans like cats
Terry Pratchett, The Unadulterated Cat

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I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind...

Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

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In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.

Schrodinger's Moggy explained
Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

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The net software here did its meltdown trick again at the weekend (it happens about once every six months -- if only everything was as reliable as WordPerfect 4.2, which only chews up a novel about once every two or three years...)

Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

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"The singers all loathe the sight of one another, the chorus despises the singers, they both hate the orchestra, and everyone fears the conductor; the staff on one prompt side won't talk to the staff on the opposite prompt side, the dancers are all crazed from hunger in any case..."

Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

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Humans suffering from a conflict of signals aren't the best people to be holding guns, especially when they've just witnessed a natural childbirth, which definitely looked an un-American way of bringing new citizens into the world.

Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens

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They say the heat and the flies here can drive a man insane. But you don't have to believe that, and nor does that bright mauve elephant that just cycled past.

Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

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"Nac Mac Feegle! The Wee Free Men! Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! *We willna be fooled again!*"

Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

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Take One ticket to New Orleans Take One cab to Bourbon Street Take steps to the counter of the all night frozen dacquiri shop. Take One Large Cupful.

Terry's recipe for the Ultimate Banana Dacquiri
Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett

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"I name you ... Esmeralda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre!"

Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

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"Have another drink, not-Corporal Nobby?" said Sergeant Colon unsteadily.
"I do not mind if I do, not-Sgt Colon," said Nobby.

The joys of working undercover
Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

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"Today Is A Good Day For Someone Else To Die!"

Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

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"What duck?"

Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

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He wasn't strictly aware of it, but he treated even geography as if he was investigating a crime (did you see who carved out the valley? Would you recognize that glacier if you saw it again?)

Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

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He was always at a loss when people acted like this. When machines went funny you just oiled them or prodded them or, if nothing else worked, hit them with a hammer. Nomes didn't respond well to this treatment.

Terry Pratchett, Diggers

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