#actuallyautisic
My partner recently caught a video of me interacting in the wild and I am always struck by just what a painfully awkward kind of person I am in real life. I can't act like a normal person if you put a gun to my head. It requires a level of body language completely alien to me. What it does however is convey a sense of vulnerability and honesty which while not the majority of the population's cup of tea, is very attractive especially to people used to being hurt, relationship vagueness, fakeness, and superficiality. #autism #actuallyautisic
#autism #dating #actuallyautisic #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD
One of the things that I have learned over time, is that often you will go into a long term #relationship with sort of an agreement or contract of assumptions about the relationship. Or maybe that's just me because I'm on the spectrum.
However at some point, often quite a few years in, especially if your partner has #trauma issues, something will make it impossible to keep the contract/agreement intact. These are often CORE parts of your agreement and incredibly important to you. This can do one of two things. Destroy the relationship because they broke the contract, or you can work together and with yourself to adjust. What no one ever tells you when they say "relationships require work".
Communication is essential, something I've worked hard at and rarely had issues with over relationships, but with trauma it really does involve work and accepting a reality you never actually signed up for. In sickness and in health.
On the spectrum its very easy to be offended and hurt by this breach of trust. However Love is more than an emotion, it is a promise and at a certain point, if its a choice between the contract or love, especially if they are putting effort into it but just can't. Discovering if they are often requiring communication and probing questions to discover their level of effort if depression and dissociation are involved. It may appear to you that they aren't putting any effort in when they are working so hard just to live with depression, anxiety or trauma. Effort, not outcome is what should define a relationship. Equal effort from all.
Love is also a contract and a promise to work hard to make the relationship work. How much of each contract outweighs the other depends on you. Do you sacrifice something very important for the sake of love, or feel betrayed and burn the love promise in the process.
All I know at this point is that no matter the relationship if I was to burn down the love contract, then try with someone else, this same thing would happen in a unique and likely just as painful way. So if you can salvage it and work together on in. You never signed up for this but that was a blank check written in the love promise. You work at it and don't give up. Verify especially from a therapist that they aren't abusing you in some way psychologically, (and physical abuse is right out) but don't assume your next relationship wont hurt just as much later when this "contract breech" happens again.
You are the only thing you can change, not them, its up to you to decide if your bond or their contract agreement is more important to you.
One of the things that I have learned over time, is that often you will go into a long term #relationship with sort of an agreement or contract of assumptions about the relationship. Or maybe that's just me because I'm on the spectrum.
However at some point, often quite a few years in, especially if your partner has #trauma issues, something will make it impossible to keep the contract/agreement intact. These are often CORE parts of your agreement and incredibly important to you. This can do one of two things. Destroy the relationship because they broke the contract, or you can work together and with yourself to adjust. What no one ever tells you when they say "relationships require work".
Communication is essential, something I've worked hard at and rarely had issues with over relationships, but with trauma it really does involve work and accepting a reality you never actually signed up for. In sickness and in health.
On the spectrum its very easy to be offended and hurt by this breach of trust. However Love is more than an emotion, it is a promise and at a certain point, if its a choice between the contract or love, especially if they are putting effort into it but just can't. Discovering if they are often requiring communication and probing questions to discover their level of effort if depression and dissociation are involved. It may appear to you that they aren't putting any effort in when they are working so hard just to live with depression, anxiety or trauma. Effort, not outcome is what should define a relationship. Equal effort from all.
Love is also a contract and a promise to work hard to make the relationship work. How much of each contract outweighs the other depends on you. Do you sacrifice something very important for the sake of love, or feel betrayed and burn the love promise in the process.
All I know at this point is that no matter the relationship if I was to burn down the love contract, then try with someone else, this same thing would happen in a unique and likely just as painful way. So if you can salvage it and work together on in. You never signed up for this but that was a blank check written in the love promise. You work at it and don't give up. Verify especially from a therapist that they aren't abusing you in some way psychologically, (and physical abuse is right out) but don't assume your next relationship wont hurt just as much later when this "contract breech" happens again.
You are the only thing you can change, not them, its up to you to decide if your bond or their contract agreement is more important to you.
RFK Jr. Set to Launch Disease Registry Tracking Autistic People
https://newrepublic.com/post/194245/rfk-jr-disease-registry-track-autistic-people
Zum heutigen Welt-Autismus-Tag eine neue Folge meines Podcasts, dieses mal über die Diagnostik und warum es gute Gründe dafür, aber auch dagegen gibt, sie machen zu lassen. .
https://audio.pepemoss.com/library/tracks/25667
#actuallyautisic
Submitting my fiction is like a gambling addiction.
I look at the guidelines and I try to figure out if it's a winner.
I only win once a year if I'm lucky.
I'm sure the autism part of my brain has something to do with it. If I can't read what people want in their voices and faces, how will I read it in the guidelines?
Maybe it's the ableist in me. I make more selling myself to readers than I do to editors.
I should really stop this shit.
Trying to figure out unmasking as a late diagnoses autistic person, but I think I might have accidentally done that during the peak of pandemic lockdowns in 2021
Also, we need slight mod for a non-online version of afk:
AFH
Avoiding
Frickin
Humans
I‘m rewatching #TheBigBangTheory, now 2 years after my #autism diagnosis. I dont know what people dislike about this show. Sheldon makes me feel very validated. his friends making fun of him both shows problems of modern society and boundaries we sometimes dont see (like speaking the truth when someone is already down).
Anyone else?
#actuallyautisic
This week has been incredibly busy (for me), more than 3 things on the calendar (doesn't even matter how "easy" they are, if it's scheduled, it's draining), tons of tiny little tasks.
Pain has been low, fatigue has been (relatively) moderate, so I haven't really white-knuckled like I was doing pretty much every day last year. I've been clear-headed which is really cool, and have been able to do my work and get through stuff.
But I am noticing deficiencies now. Focus is waning, as is my ability to care to put in small efforts. Things are better but still just a little too fast-paced.
I hope I can have an easy week next, where I can have more unstructured flow and choice of tasks (or no tasks). I am healing, I just need to keep enough breathing room.
I keep seeing #actuallyautisic and #actuallyneurodivergent pop up.
Why? Is there a big movement of people faking it or something?
It's great to see the #Lego group bringing in changes to their stores to make the #neurodivegent experience better. The general public needs more awareness of hidden disabilities to help not only those who are aware of their difficulties, but also for anyone who is unaware of their own #neurodivergence.
https://www.brickfanatics.com/lego-initiatives-autism-acceptance-month
#autism #actuallyautisic @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd #adhd
Based on years of #actuallyautisic experience, my thoughts on office politics can be summarised as follows: why?
@Carnivius so they mean the american healthcare system is a racket. No news there. #actuallyautisic people in the US, please join autistic communities and form unions and political movements. You will NOT change anything by keeping your diagnoses under wraps but you will if you start making yourself heard.
@KatyElphinstone It depends, if it's a situation with person asking who's not likely to engage in a sizable conversation with me, like a store entry greeter, then I'll generally lie or ignore the query but otherwise... I'm generally honest on this & if they make it a problem with their response, then it's on them for asking & I prefer weeding out such social prospects from my life sooner rather than later. #ActuallyAutisic
Am I imagining this or does the world just need a bit of #actuallyautisic justice?
I often feel like humanity makes everything complicated with social games, „nuance“ and trying to defend the perpetrators.
Housing crisis while CEO pay goes up 2000 percent? What would an autistic finance minister do? Would they give a shit about backlash from that group?
I‘m curious. @actuallyautistic
Da es heute morgen ein ziemlich herzhaftes Frühstück gab und ich morgens eigentlich sonst immer Cornflakes oder Müsli esse, gab es das als Abendessen... klingt eventuell seltsam, aber so habe ich zumindest das Gefühl das der Tag wieder einigermaßen stimmig ist. Ich handhabe das meistens so, wenn irgendwas "verdreht" ist.
#actuallyautisic I guess
Has anyone tried the Loop brand earplugs? Especially the new ones that switch between three different volumes? I'm considering them, but they're expensive and I'm curious about people's experiences. Right now I'm leaning on the fact that I can return them if I don't like them.
#actuallyautisic Has anyone heard the idea that adults can't be diagnosed with ASD?
I don't buy that for a second but I am just now hearing this.
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