Middle aged texts:
"I'm so glad your giant polyps are just gentle harmless lumps hanging out being cozy!"
#colonoscopy
Ngl, the visuals that my TV is showing accompanying the music I'm listening to remind me of the pictures from my colonoscopy. :catjam:
When Your Butt Wants To Kill You.. Colorectal Cancer (Colon Cancer)
https://autisticgoblin.ca/2026/01/18/when-your-butt-wants-to-kill-you-colorectal-cancer-colon-cancer/
A Miraculous Journey: From Suspicions to Recovery
Introduction
My experience with polyp removal was a rollercoaster ride of emotions, from the initial suspicions to the final recovery. In this article, I'll share my story, highlighting the pros and cons of the procedure, and what I learned along the way.
Pros of Polyp Removal
• Quick recovery...
🔗 https://userreview.net/en/content/my-polyp-removal-story-from-suspicions-to-recovery-reviews
#polyp removal #colonoscopy #colon health
What to expect during a #colonoscopy? Read this step-by-step guide by Sarvesh Health City to understand preparation, procedure, and recovery.
https://www.notion.so/What-to-Expect-During-Your-Colonoscopy-Step-by-Step-Guide-2df2c6a3a73580158461da2f8d734cd6
If you don’t take my word for it, take President Camacho’s:
On Friday night, I had a dream in which giant stalks of broccoli talked and urged me to eat them. Last night, I had a dream, a noir fantasy in black and white, in which men wearing fedoras ate nachos and onion rings in front of me while contemplating "the big eating score" at an art deco diner. Today is the last colonoscopy prep day and it is fasting and the big jug. I wonder what insane dreams I'll have tonight. Christ, I miss food.
Just saying, #colonoscopy could be much more fun if the light guide at the tip of the colonoscope could do disco lights.
Okay, unpopular topic for public discussion, but it's important.
Let your doctors stick cameras in you. It's for a good reason. I have friends that resisted who are no longer with us.
I'm in the middle of prep for a morning Photo Opportunity, and it's SO MUCH LESS MISERABLE than it used to be. There is no excuse for avoiding this stuff. Honestly, this is only mildy inconvenient, not the torture it was ten years ago.
Get your damn #colonoscopy when they say it's time.
After over 6 hours, I am now deep in the "Frank Lloyd Wright" phase of my #colonoscopy prep, as I euphemistically call it. #IYKYK
@GrimmReality @shezza_t @purplepadma @capn_b John Mastodon invented the fediverse so we can share #colonoscopy preparation tips! Or that's what I was told when I joined, at least.
I CAN EAT AND DRINK NORMALLY AGAIN!
Oscopy outcome: nothing found, come back in 2 years and do it all again.
I watched the feed from the camera, which was more than a little bit odd but then I'd been given a cocktail of sedatives so I didn't really care.
The Colonoscopy
“We have a few questions to make sure that you are ready for your colonoscopy.”
“Okay.”
“Did you finish drinking your prep?”
“Yes. It was disgusting.”
“Now, now. It *was* lemon-flavored.”
“Yes. If your idea of lemons is suicidal lemons.”
“How was your last bowel movement.”
“Squirty.”
“Squirty?”
“Yes, squirty.”
“Did you reach the peeing through my arsehole stage of the prep?”
“Yes. I was peeing through my arsehole.”
“Let’s break into a song. If you pee through your butthole…”
“If you pee through your butthole…”
“… your doctor will love you.”
“… your doctor will l… Say. What’s the monstrosity that the nurse just rolled in?”
“Oh, that? That’s the colonoscope. That’s what we use to perform the colonoscopy.”
“You’re not putting that hideous contraption up my butt!”
“Yes, we are. Okay, now, count from ten backwards.”
“Net, enin, thgie…”
“We’ve got a joker on our hands. Anesthetist! Use your anesthetic mallet to knock the patient unconscious.”
[BONK!]
“I feel sleepy. ZZZZZZzzzzzzz…”
“Good. Now that the patient is out, let’s paaarrr-TAAAYYY!”
[In dreamland…]
“Congratulations! You are now the proud parent of a… turd!”
“Can I see my baby turd?”
“Of course not! We’ve flushed it down the toilet.”
“Murderer!”
“Now, now. It is now in a septic field, living a life of fulfillment.”
[Back to reality.]
“Anesthetist, please bring the patient back to consciousness.”
[BONK!]
“Ouch! What was that for?”
“The anesthetist just undid the anesthesia.”
“I’d like to marry you.”
“Good god! The patient is still under the effects of the anesthesia. Anesthetist!”
[SLAP SLAP]
“Ouch! And what was that for?”
“You said you’d like to marry me. This was to stop the anesthesia’s lingering effects on you.”
“Did I? I don’t remember it.”
“Yes, you suffer from marital amnesia.”
“What about my colon?”
“Good news! You indeed have a colon!”
“Thank god! What more can you tell me?”
“Bad news! You have a rock band colonizing your colon, The Colonists.”
“Hmm… that explains the tinnitus.”
“Nurse, take this patient to the dump.”
“The dump? What for?”
“We’re discharging you, but first we have to charge you.”
“How much?”
“An arm and a leg. Nurse, make sure to amputate this patient prior to the discharge.”
#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #colonoscopy #microfiction
#AutisticWriters #colonoscopy #microfiction #TheDailyIsotope
My colonoscopy and upper endoscopy are done.
My doctor commented that my diet must be excellent, because my colon is in excellent state. I'm vegetarian.
However, I read the report and I saw there that my colon is redundant. 😭 Since my colon is redundant, I must have some other organ which digests my food.
Actually, redundant is a term of art. It means that my colon is longer than usual and has more twists and turns in it.
As for the upper endoscopy, we found reasons for my GERD and some gastritis. Biopsies were taken. There are treatment options.
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