Relief from Fearfulness
Daily writing prompt What fears have you overcome and how? View all responsesAlthough I will inevitably continue to gain new fears of superficial qualities, I have actually overcome my fear of individuals of qualities that were particularly concerning to me. I am no longer comparing myself to others, except in cases of intimidation only. So if I overcome one fear, I am likely to develop another.
Laughing – A Way To Destress
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What makes you laugh?
Laughing – A form of de-stressing activity. To which some may find “distressing”?
Or perhaps I’m just a little unbalanced.
Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.comHowever, back to the prompt, I would laugh at almost anything actually.
Many would ask me on why do I laugh so easily or on almost anything. Honestly, I have no proper answer for it. Perhaps, the easily justifiable answer would be that it has become a form of my default reaction towards answering people.
Firstly, it softens my expression, thus making myself seem more approachable (or so I think). Sadly, that also means that sometimes people would not take me seriously. Next, it lightens the situation and prevents a tensed situation from escalating. However, it may also flip the other way around which may further escalate the situation instead as me laughing may deem that I do not take them seriously.
Sometimes, when I am being thrown an insult, I do react by first laughing about it, as a shield for myself and preventing myself from being hurt or at least giving myself some time before digesting the issues.
Then, there are times, when I am lost in my own world, which is most of the time, I would suddenly remember something funny or find something amusing and start laughing to myself. At times, it may escalate into a hearty laughter to which some might find distressing.
Nevertheless, after a good laugh, I would usually feel better, as they say, it releases endorphins, a “feel good” hormone and thus, “laughter is the best medicine”.
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My Teenage Years
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Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.
Upon reading this prompt, I was reminded of my high school days. The first year of high school was very tough for me in terms of adjusting to a new school, cultures and subjects.
I went from a comfortable place to a different one without any guidance nor advice and I went from being a senior to a freshie all over again, which I did not like.
In addition to that, I had a very bad temper and used to talk back to my seniors which did not aid in my reputation. Well, that was the first year, things started getting better the following year onwards and my grades picked up. I have accustomed myself to the flow.
It was during my teenage years that I met my good friends whom I still keep contact to this day albeit not meeting much.
Looking back, I enjoyed my routine and studying very much. Waking up early was the hardest part of the day, which surprisingly isn’t one for me now, I have transitioned into an early riser.
This is followed by shower, preparing my breakfast and lunch for school, which mostly just includes me grabbing bread or biscuits and stuffing it in my bag and wait for my parents to send me off to school, which is usually my dad. He would send me off prior going to work.
I was truly blessed to have experience that.
In school, it was about attending classes, completing homework or assignments, gossiping with my friends or attending extra-curricular activities. However, the place I truly enjoyed spending my time was in the library. Thus, if I were to bunk class, I would lock myself inside the library and just study or read. The perks of being a librarian. Thankfully, my teacher-in-charge of the library always had my back if I were to be questioned regarding my whereabouts.
After school, my mother would be the one who usually picks me up from school and most of the time, we would eat outside. Occasionally, she does cook at home and as I am writing this reflection, I truly miss these simple heartwarming dishes.
This is then followed by me showering, completing my homework, studying, chilling, going out with my mom and getting ready for tuition or extra classes which are usually in the evenings or on alternate days.
Life was simple and predictable. I remembered attending multiple tuition classes during the week, mainly because I was bored being at home as I was not allowed to simply go out with my friends as I pleased. Thus, I looked forward to those evenings.
Holidays and weekends were the things I looked forward to as well and I enjoyed recuperating or simply helping my parents out with their chores, watching movies or TV shows, studying with music, writing and playing video games.
Surprisingly, what aid me in studying back in high school was due to video games. Perhaps it was the way I “destress” and it drives my mind.
I was not allowed to work during the holidays as my parents feared that once I get the taste of my own earnings, studying will no longer be a priority. However, my pocket money wasn’t great either. But I still got by and occasionally, my dad would slip in some money without my mom knowing just so I could enjoy a nice meal across the road with my friend.
The stress back then were focused on exams and completing homework. Occasionally, life dramas do get in the way, all part and parcel of being a “teenager”, having crushes, jealousy and bullying.
However, for the most part, I enjoyed my teenage years and looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing except to be more disciplined in my studying and to learn more.
Those years flew by rather quickly. Before I knew it, I was a senior and the stress of choosing a major or course and the university applications kicked in. Over the years, I’ve accumulated multiple fond memories with my friends as well which were a mixed of beautiful ones, silly and extremely foolish ones, which we do look back and laugh about during our meet-ups.
If you are reading this, I hope that you did enjoy your teenage years as much as I did too. If you are a teenager, do not fill your time with just studying, immerse yourself in extracurricular activities as well and discover new habits. It is the season of discovering yourself, and hopefully in years to come when you do look back and ponder, it will be filled with sweet memories as well.
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Part 2 – Life As A Peri Medical House Officer In Hospital Umum Sarawak | Main Building, Side Building, Infectious Disease Ward
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The Peri Medical House Officer Team takes care of:
In this article, I will be sharing my experiences as a Perimedical House Officer covering main building, side building, SDC as well as the Infectious Disease (ID) ward.
As I previously mentioned in my previous article, the work begins from 7am till 6pm (short days), 7am till 10pm (long days) and 8am till 9am (night shifts).
Covering this part of the hospital meant taking care of “stranded patients” which are medical patients who are lodging in other department wards as there are no space or beds available in the main medical wards. Usually, patients like these are somewhat stable enough to be left on their own without constant supervision. Those that do require, are usually left in the Emergency Department or transferred straight to medical wards.
The Main Building
Taking care of the Main Building meant that one would have to cover:
On some days, there would not be any perimedical patients in certain wards. Thus, there are days that we do not have to go to these wards. On bad days, there are perimedical patients on every floor and the patient count will be extremely high.
During my time serving in the main building, I was blessed enough to have a partner. Thus, despite the high volume of patients, it felt manageable.
Upon my arrival, I usually begin from the highest floor and work my way down. Thus, I begin from the 7th floor by checking with the TL or Team Leader to identify new cases and update the list followed by tracing the blood investigations.
This is to ensure that the patients are not missed during rounds.
I proceed with doing this in the wards of every floor till I am done prior to beginning my morning reviews.
Usually by then, the Medical Officers have arrived and are proceeding with their morning reviews.
Sometimes, we join in and sometimes, we are asked to review the other patients and on our own until the specialist arrives.
Upon the specialist’s arrival, we would all meet up at one place to begin out rounds.
Rounds in perimedical is similar to that in the ward. The only difference is that rounds are once daily and the patients are all around the place.
In between, there would be new transfer ins, attending to acute issues of which the nurses from other wards would call or inform the House Officers from other departments.
After that, it is followed by preparation of the coming morning bloods. The wards and bed numbers are labelled on top of the forms and kept in the ETD for the night House Officers to take.
The Side Building
The Side Building is less hectic than main building and that meant we had to cover:
As usual, upon my arrival, I would begin at the topmost floor and check for any new patients as well as to trace the bloods.
After all of it is done, I begin my review in the ICU Extension 2 Ward. The ICU Extension 2 ward consists of unstable, intubated patients of various departments.
Usually by the time I begin my morning review, the specialist would have just arrived and we begin our rounds.
After the ICU Extension 2 is followed by Neurosurgical Ward since they are located at the same place, then Neurosurgical HDU.
Upon completion of morning rounds is followed by carrying out the active joblists, discharges and requesting for radiological scans.
Similar to Main Building, the coming morning bloods are prepped and kept at the Emergency Department for the night house officers to collect.
SDC – Surgical Day Care
SDC is the Surgical Day Care as per the name. Usually patients who are admitted here come in on the day of the procedure itself and is discharged in the evening.
However, when the wards are fully occupied and the Emergency Department is overflowing with stranded patients, the SDC converts temporarily to host the stranded patients.
At max, the patient load is only two cubicles full and the patients being admitted there are usually relatively stable.
Similar to main building and side building, I begin my day with tracing the bloods, x-rays or any relevant radiologist reports before beginning my review and rounds with the medical officer and specialists.
The Infectious Disease Ward
The Infectious Disease Ward or “ID Ward” is located in a building separate from the main or side building.
Previously, it used to be the House Officer’s Accommodation. However, it was subsequently converted into a ward.
The ward consists of two floors with each floor containing 6 isolation rooms for each floor. Upon entering the ward itself, one has to change into the hospital scrubs and prior entering the ward isolation rooms, one has to don apron, shower cap and gloves, the standard PPE.
The casenotes are not allowed to be brought in, thus all reviews are written outside.
What do I do if I were stationed to at the Infectious Disease Ward?
The house officer allocated to the ID ward are those from the Peri Pool, meaning our shift is from 7am till 6pm for short days.
Thus, upon my arrival, I would change into the hospital scrubs. Then, I would proceed to trace the bloods. The bloods sent from the ID ward are usually late. Thus. It would either be pending in the system or yet to be in the system.
Next, I will begin my reviews, first to the newly transferred in patients followed by the rest while awaiting the medical officer.
There is a whiteboard consisting of the names of the patients in the isolation rooms. Usually in the morning prior to entering the isolation rooms, we would have a short round and presentation with the ID consultant with the whiteboard.
Thus, during my time there, I would constantly update and personalise it according to my style which would be easier for me during my presentation with the ward consultant.
After that, we will all proceed to the isolation room. As House Officers, we are the scribe and assistants of the medical officers. Since, we are not allowed to bring the casenotes into the isolation room, thus we will type everything inside our phone and transfer it onto paper after our grand rounds with the patients.
Rounds at the Infectious Disease Ward is only once daily.
After the completion of rounds, just like any ward is the completion of active joblist.
Personally, I enjoyed my time in the Infectious Disease Ward a lot, mainly because I was given the autonomy to customise the board as I liked, present to the consultant myself and was asked multiple questions during rounds and having discussions which I find rather stimulating and enjoyable.
On top of that, I even had time to return home for a quick lunch every time I was stationed at this ward.
In the afternoon, some patients on high oxygen support may need arterial blood gases (ABGs) at certain time. If not, it is the preparation of coming morning bloods and transfer ins of any new patients.
Being in charge of the other places is considerably less hectic than being allocated in the Yellow Zone which can get rather crazy at times as there is massive movement of patients constantly. It actually feels like as if I am at KL Sentral during peak hours.
However, do not fear if you are allocated into the Peri Medical Pool. The workload can get extremely hectic and it can be rather messy. But, always try your best to learn as much as you can during your period serving there and to enjoy your journey.
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My Morning Routine Being A House Officer Leader In The Surgical Posting | Housemanship Diaries
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There are three main leaders in the Surgical Posting. One is in charge of curating the weekly schedule, the other, in charge of ward and cubicle / bed allocations as well as to reallocate if there are any people who took emergency leaves or medical leaves and the third one, in charge of our attendance at work.
I was the daily allocator. Being the “allocator”, I would be in charge of designating the house officers to the selected cubicles of both the male and female surgical wards (MSW and FSW), the Peri, EMOT and ETD as well as to look for substitutes if there are any last minute changes or leaves.
Usually, I will prep my allocation in advance after the schedule leader has done the schedule and make necessary changes along the way. The leader in charge of the schedule usually determines which person works the night shift and when as well as to approve any leaves. Usually, the house officers will be divided into their respective wards.
The night before, I usually run through the suggested allocation in the “Leaders Group” with the medical officers in charge of the House Officers to screen through.
After receiving the green light from them or making necessary adjustments, I would then upload the list in the House Officer’s group. Thus, they would then know where they would be covering.
The list is usually sent in the “MOHO” group, meaning the group containing the House Officers and Medical Officers at 6:30 a.m.
Thus, I would wake up and be on standby at 5am everyday, even on my off days as I would wait for any messages should anybody take medical leaves or emergency leaves and make the necessary adjustments needed.
At 6:30 a.m sharp, I forward the daily allocation into the “MOHO” group.
If I happened to be working on that day, I would pause in between work just to send and then go about my work.
However, if I happened to be on leave or having my off days, I would then return to sleep or go about my other activities after 6:30 a.m.
It was an interesting experience having had the privilege to hold the position as one of the posting leaders.
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What fears have you overcome and how?
A few years ago I submitted a real story to one of those true crime/horror podcasts. To this date, I still don’t know if it ended up being used (because there are so many submissions), but I figured this could be a good time to write it down, again.
Today’s writing prompt is about overcoming fears, and how you’ve done it.
I wouldn’t really say I’ve overcome this fear. I’d say I mostly just push it to the back of my mind as much as possible, and that’s just enough to allow me to sleep soundly at night.
But I’m getting too far ahead of myself.
Back in around 2016, or 2017, it was so long ago now I don’t clearly remember which year it happened, but I know it was one of those years–It was the afternoon, I believe, sometime during the end of Summer, or Spring. For whatever reason, I was a little bit tired, and I had the idea in my head at the time to give astral projection a shot. What better time to do that when you feel like you could use a nap?
Made sense to me.
It started when I laid down in my bed. The instructions online said to look onward, and focus on one thing, and then allow yourself to close your eyes and drift off.
I don’t think what happened was astral projection, but it was something that crossed over from whatever state I was in, and into the actual, living, breathing world.
This is going to sound impossible, improbable, but with every bit of seriousness I can muster for you through text: This happened, and I can still see her face.
I remember bits of the dream. I was lying in my bed, covers up to my neck, and I was in a bad state of mind. Something was wrong.
There was a woman in my bedroom with me, and she had long dark-ish hair, a sweater, or long-sleeved shirt of some kind, with jeans, and for unknown reasons, she was attempting to comfort me. Comforting me over … things I still am unsure about.
She climbed up onto my chest, and she placed her hands on me. This wasn’t anything sexual in any sense of the word. This unknown woman sat on my chest as if trying to reach into me. And she told me it was okay, it was all over, and that “they” were all gone.
In my dream, I began to cry. Whatever she was talking about didn’t seem to sit well with me, it was … considerably upsetting. That particular sentence, “They’re all gone.” That’s what shot me out of my sleeping state.
When I opened my eyes, my room was now much darker, with only the illumination of my computer monitor lighting up the surroundings.
And there she was, standing right next to my bed, staring down at me. She looked the same, but somehow darker, different … wrong.
At that moment, I wasn’t terrified. I wasn’t scared. I was … bewildered. Confused. Not exactly how one should react if suddenly you’re thinking or seeing that there’s an intruder in your home.
I pulled off my covers and sat upright in my bed on my knees, and I flicked on the overhead lights. She was still there. I leaned in and attempted to wrap my arms around her, in some kind of effort to apprehend this stranger who was not only standing in my room, but watching me sleep. As if it was interesting, or as if she’d been projecting herself into my mind.
It was then that she turned from me, and while looking back as if I had scared her, she vanished through the closed bedroom door. Like some cliché version of a ghost in cinema who can pass through walls.
I think I sat for a while after all was said and done at my computer, and I let it really sink in as to what happened. That’s when I finally got scared. That was when the terror of the situation actually hit me. A severely delayed reaction for something so utterly strange, and supernatural, that it shouldn’t have happened at all.
I spent about a week restless, unable to sleep properly at night. I started staying up until dawn, and then, and only then, would I crawl into bed and drift into sleep. I was already a bit of a night owl, so this worked out for me. But this event has never left me. Much like the hauntings of the past that I experienced many, many years ago, it just … became a part of me.
Like the ghosts who toyed with me when I was sixteen years old living in a very old house. The child singing lullabies to himself in my closet. The faces in the window to the doorway when we’d leave. The objects moving across the floor in broad daylight.
It all attached itself to my psyche.
When I sleep now, I sleep with my bed against the wall. I keep a cover over myself right up to my head, and I don’t tend to concentrate too hard on what’s going on when I’m trying to get what I need, so that I can go to work the next day.
But I still think about it. I still see her there at the side of my bed, looking down at me, as if it never ended. As if it’s still happening.
And I don’t know why it happened, or who she even was. I don’t know if I want to know.
If, after reading this, you’re thinking I’ve written you some kind of little piece of flash fiction–I haven’t. This is something that happened to me in the real world, as we live and breathe. And I have no explanation for it.
If you’ve ever listening to my music, this one event is what fueled me when I put this song together.
https://cmdr-nova.online/2024/06/03/the-unknown-one/
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I’ll give you one. It’s silly and I share it with a little sarcastic flare, but for teenaged me back in the 80’s this was a big deal. I mean, the biggest deal.
When I was a kid I was pretty much terrified of girls. Specifically, I was terrified of talking to girls. The fear paralyzed me. When I needed to do it for whatever reason, school projects or dealing with a female check out clerk at a store or a waitress or something like that, I could manage but the fear would just ruin me.
I don’t know what I did to get over it. How did I overcome this fear? No clue. I did it though, and I am really thankful as without overcoming this fear I would not have just celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary. It’s kind of a big deal, you know?
