I tried (another) experiment today.

I took half a magnesium supplement again  and my body had a… typical reaction?

I did this because I noticed that my heart was hurting last night for some strange reason, and in most people, magnesium evens out heart rate and calms them down. I’ve been worried about having another cardiac event since my last seizure in the wee hours of July 7 of this year when my heart rate shot through the roof after smoking weed to manage severe lower back pain, which triggered a chain reaction.

Thirty minutes later, I was on the floor convulsing for some 25 minutes and I don’t remember most of July. I would not like to repeat that incident, thank you very much. So I’ve stopped the weed since then and attempted the magnesium again today (which I last took when I was smoking weed like a motherfucker, so that might have had something to do with my strange initial reaction to it). The initial reaction in question was a strong spike in blood pressure and heart rate that induced the migraines it was supposed to prevent. I hadn’t begun my vitamin B experiment or my ibuprofen experiment yet that I can recall, either, which may have contributed, as well. Hell yeah, science in my brainhole!

Anyway, shortly after I took the magnesium supplement, I fell BACK to sleep for around another much needed 4 hours. I went to sleep at around 4 AM last night and woke up at 9 AM initially, took my meds, and after hanging out with my partner Zelda for a bit before they went to work, I fell back asleep and frankly don’t quite remember passing out. It was nice. So I think I might take the magnesium at night tomorrow since it appears to help with sleep when I’m not literally high on life, lol. My heart feels better and I do feel calmer.

I have no clue what I’m going to do for the rest of the day. More sleep, since I’m effectively nocturnal at this point? Possibly.. that sounds nice.

-Allēna

#calm #ibuprofenExperiment #magnesiumExperiment #nap #NEISvoid #rest #vitaminB100Experiment #Zelda

As the lab results roll in, I’m hard at work on medical theories because that’s what we do..

It’s plausible that due to Hera‘s incredible (heavy sarcasm) DIY MKULTRA scheme she put us through in our late teens and early twenties, the high doses of lithium we were on damaged our pituitary gland, adrenals, and kidneys while our thyroid bounced back, aided by the Vitamin B100 experiment Laz started a few months ago. HRT has quite possibly made it worse because (hypothetically) nothing that’s supposed to process testosterone normally can or will.

Huzzah. I hate this existence sometimes. Fuck psychiatry. We didn’t even need to be on lithium anyway. But here we are, persevering through this existence by means of sheer fucking spite. I’ve written a note to our PCP about this theory already. I’ll see what he says.

-Theo, standing in for Allēna today because she fell asleep.

#AcceptanceMatters #didsystem #DIYMKULTRA #Hera #ibuprofenExperiment #MadMastodon #MadStudies #MedicalResearch #mentalhealth #NEISvoid #plural #strokesurvivor #TWAbuse #TWMedicalAbuseTWMedicalNeglect #vitaminB100Experiment

The Trials and Tribulations of Caffeine

Hey, everyone. Lazarus here. Unfortunately, I think the caffeine pills I was taking were raising my blood pressure enough to give me chronic migraines again. My body is extremely weird. So caffeine, or at least THAT form of caffeine, is likely off the table. I had to take a migraine rescue med earlier today and lay down for a nap earlier because I was experiencing a very strange aura and didn’t want to take any chances fucking around and finding out with either a migraine OR worse, a seizure. Ergo, it was brain scrambly migraine med induced naptime and yours truly conked the ever living fuck out. Whee.

Further testing is required to determine whether or not all caffeine makes the Brainhole feel like shit or just the caffeine pills. Gotta love being chronically ill with a body even doctors have no clue how to treat sometimes. Yayyyy.

Now that I’m awake from my nap and have written all of this down, it’s time for the holy trinity of pain meds that I know DON’T induce horrific migraines and to find some form of food. I did manage to save the grocery order yesterday with less damage to my body than I thought I would take so far. However, things are still up in the air on that, considering today’s migraine ordeal and possible symptoms of a low grade fever. So, stand by for more details on whether or not that little glass cannon maneuver got me sick with what my loves caught. I would rather get sick for a few days than have our food stolen, though. Milwaukee is a batshit town. Hide your food, kids. There are porch pirates out here. 🤣

Have some memes in honor of my batshittery.

Stay tuned for more magic. And/or delirium. There is a strong possibility of that.

-Lazarus

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#chronicFatigue #chronicIllness #chronicIllnessRecovery #glassCannon #ibuprofenExperiment #memes #migraine #vitaminB100Experiment

I Am Become Migraine

Hello, everyone. Lazarus here. 2/3rds of my local polycule has come down with some kind of illness and I may have overcaffeinated these past few days because I have been navigating a nasty ocular migraine as best as I am physically able. That being said, I’m likely going to have to throw my body into Hulk mode in a couple hours in twelve degree Fahrenheit weather here in a bit to bring our grocery order inside as I’m the only one around to do it. So I’ve taken to calling myself the Glass Cannon because you can either laugh or cry about life with  chronic illnesses, I suppose. Today, I’m choosing to laugh. And blog. That, too. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

Have a round of shitposts and memes to “celebrate” this most dubious occasion.

Stay tuned for more magic. Once more unto the breach! SAVE THE GROCERIES!

-Lazarus, aka the Glass Cannon 🤣✨🪕

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#badIdeas #caffeine #chronicFatigue #chronicIllness #glassCannon #hulk #IMProbablyGonnaGetSickAfterThis #ibuprofenExperiment #migraine #polyamory #pragmatism #thereIsnTEnoughCaffeineInTheWorldForThisBatshitteryRightNow #vitaminB100Experiment

Slow Day

Hey, everyone. Lazarus here. I’ve been up since roughly 5 AM after I woke myself up from a dead sleep attempting to explain to  aloud why Emerson in the dream had a habit of lingering in public spaces silently and menacingly and not much has happened after that, so today’s post will likely be pretty short. I’m in grave need of a nap, to be entirely honest.

Have memes. ✨

Stay tuned for more magic, ya gremlins. But after a nap. DEFINITELY after a nap. ✨🤣

-Lazarus

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#dreams #Emerson #fatigue #INeedANap #ibuprofenExperiment #insomnia #memes #SlowDay #thereIsnTEnoughCaffeineInTheWorldForThisBatshitteryRightNow #vitaminB100Experiment #weirdDream #weirdShitTheBodyDoes

Some Very Good News

SINNERS REJOICE! I, Lazarus, slept for approximately eight and a half hours and DIDN’T HAVE ANY NIGHTMARES THAT I CAN RECALL! Hell yeah! I’m also not super scrambled today so far, but I’ve been up for less than thirty minutes. LET’S ROCK TODAY, BITCHES (affectionate). I think I’m gonna go throw alllll of my newfound spoons at a wall by taking a damn shower. I fucking need one. Fatigue is a bitch, but I have Things to Do today. So I wanted to post first, tell y’all the news, and then waterboard my brainhole shower, lol.

Have memes to celebrate.

Stay tuned for more magic, lovely weirdos. I’ll be around, hehehe..

-Lazarus

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#goodNews #ibuprofenExperiment #insomnia #memes #rest #sleepingWell #vitaminB100Experiment

Unpacking

Hey, everyone. Lazarus here again.

Today has been another slow day, but a productive one. The Zelda System is off of work today and it’s our day to hang out and relax, so we’ve been catching up on shows and things. It was much needed, seeing as I only got about five hours of sleep and was thrown from it by a really shitty dream that appeared to be my subconscious attempting to unpack all of my trauma in one go. It wasn’t fun, so the relaxation was definitely needed.

I think the nightmares picking back up randomly is ironically kind of a good sign because it means my brain feels safe enough to process the fuckshit more deeply, I suppose. Yay. That’s the shitty thing about life stabilizing overall.. I have ample time to think and I get lost in my mind now that I have found it all, even when I am asleep.

Also, it’s funny to note that the irritatingly universal phenomenon that is cheating dreams still happen when you’re polyamorous, and can happen about cheating in polyamory. That’s what the nightmare was about. I didn’t know my bra would cook that truckload of horseshit up, but here we are. I have no fucking clue what spawned this nonsense. Normally upon waking I can identify a trigger for my dreams that I had briefly encountered in the past few days, but I have absolutely no idea what spawned this one. So I guess we’re dealing with this flavor of nightmare now. The nightmares have been lifelong, and they pertain to whatever fucking drama my brainhole decides to throw at the current fronter at the time. Same song, different verse, I suppose.

I think I’m going to attempt a nap and pray to whatever deity might be listening that I don’t have any nightmares this time. Huzzah. But first, memes and a playlist that I was up until almost 4 AM concocting, hehe.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2QgNcjwEn0vGmTommfszQd?si=UfjS_ZiySWu98ztOc2S49Q

Stay tuned for more magic, beloved gremlins!

-Lazarus

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#ibuprofenExperiment #memes #nightmares #playlists #polyamory #relaxing #unpacking #vitaminB100Experiment #Zelda #ZeldaSystem

Down Every Rabbit Hole, Everywhere

Hey, everyone. Lazarus again, back once more with your daily dose of bullshit, hehe. It’s been a slow day so far, both in my brain and otherwise. If you guessed that insomnia is still sort of kicking my ass, you got it in one. But being tired can have its advantages, namely that it makes me fucking funny. Do I have less object permanence than normal, though? Absolutely. I’m losing every single worldly possession of mine over here.

Sheik of the Zelda System is gaming beside me after binge watching several episodes of Supernatural season seven, as has winding our way through that absolute shit show become our tradition on their days off. So I’ve got my headphones on and am simply seeing where my brainhole takes me. We both appeared to have great dates last night, them with our mutual beloved Emerson (and the leftovers I received were fucking amazing, as well) and I had a great virtual date with my darling Autumn. They’re wickedly funny, and kept making me cackle with laughter midsentence. I had needed that date, to be honest. It had been a few weeks since our last one and I missed them something fucking fierce. There’s been much less drama and fewer trashfires of late, and times like these remind me that polyamory is truly a wonderful experience. No regrets. I can’t ever go back, even when shit gets rough. I’m just not built that way.

Now, seeing as my mind feels like pudding that has been repeatedly electrocuted, I’m probably gonna leave y’all for the day. Will my brain let me fucking sleep? Probably not. Am I about to go down a research rabbit hole trying to figure out who a certain actress was in an episode of Supernatural? Oh yeah. That’s been on the agenda since I first saw the actress and recognized her as the same actress who plays Kaylee Frye in Firefly, haha. My brain needs to DEFINITELY be stopped. At least I’m attempting to rest, right?

[crickets chirp faintly in the distance]

Anyway. Before I go, memes. I can’t just skitter away without DEPRIVING y’all!

Stay tuned for more magic, y’all. And tomfuckery. There’s always that.

Your eternally insleepriated sorcerer,

-Lazarus

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#AutumnThePartner #Emerson #ibuprofenExperiment #insomnia #memes #relationships #relaxing #Sheik #sleepDeprivation #sliceOfLife #vitaminB100Experiment #Zelda

Episode YES: Insomnia Strikes Back

Hello, cherished mothers and fuckers. Lazarus here once more with your daily Des Moines Cropduster (context below, thanks, Theo).

I thought this prompt looked interesting and I have a few responses for y’all.

If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

Here are my favorite contenders thus far:

Ashley Halliwell’s Brainhole, New and Improved, Under New Management. NOW WITH MORE INSOMNIA!

Got questions? We have answers. Believe them or else.

The speed limit on this freeway is 80mph. But we bet you are not going as fast as MY BRAIN CAN PROCESS EVERYTHING…

How many sins have you committed today? Not as many as This Motherfucker. [photo of my face] If you can commit more Christological heresies than This Bitch in a 24 hour period, YOU get a free cardboard box.

Got Lore? We Sure Do. Follow For More.

All of the potential billboards would include a link to Open Sorcery for the bit, of course.

And simply to up the ante, I would place the billboards in and around the Cleveland, Ohio metro area. What can I say? I know my audience.

In case y’all can’t tell by the above dastardly suggestions and the post title, insomnia is STILL kicking my ass. I am beginning to wonder if it’s because of the fact that, on top of the vitamin B supplements I’ve been taking, I have started taking ibuprofen and Tylenol every 4-6 hours when I don’t lose time to deal with my chronic pain further. It’s working wonderfully for the pain. However, there’s been one absolute motherfucker of an unintended consequence. My brain has come completely, exhaustingly alive again, just like it did before my now-integrated headmate Allēna came down with mono when she was 16.

It doesn’t shut up. Nothing helps it. Not sex (for very long, anyway), not getting stoned off my ass, NOTHING. Zilch. Nada. The only thing that even remotely helps is letting myself pursue whatever idea has fascinated me until I’m so thoroughly burnt out and exhausted that I see fucking double and finally pass out. And even then, I sleep maybe 4-6 hours a night. It’s very, very rare these days that I get more sleep than that, and the sleep I get is absolute garbage. My dreams are vivid. I toss, I turn, I’m up every few hours… I swear I’m more delirious than asleep.

Am I simply a husky in human form?

This shit has made me intimately and acutely aware of why my strictly enforced bedtime was 8PM for most of my youth. I didn’t fucking sleep! I COULDN’T fucking sleep!

I’m realizing as well why my dad, Xavier, and my late grandmother, Rose, were always doing projects, as well, and I am more grateful for this blog and my myriad other projects and interests every day.

Rose was a chemist by trade, ran every damn social club in her town, was a former art dealer with a glorious collection of beautiful art, gourmet chef/baker, read books backwards, and I never saw her sleep more than four to six hours, either, before she got very sick in 2010. She was an indisputable genius whose brain was also fucking ALIVE, and frankly I can’t blame her for having so many interests and being constantly on the move. If I could handle it physically, I would be, too. Lord knows I am mentally at this point.

Fuck.

Well, that’s enough bitching about my blazing fast brainhole from me for one day. I’m probably gonna watch some TV and scream into the void or something, also known as every DM in existence. Emerson and Zelda are spending the night together and going out to a Fancy Restaurant tonight which means that your gremlin gets delicious leftovers, hehe. I live for tasty leftovers. I’m also calling my cozy partner in Michigan, Autumn, later. They were the suitor I mentioned a bit ago in this post and things are going so well! So things aren’t all shitty in my brain.

But before I go… Memes.

Stay tuned for more magic, lovely entities! I love y’all.

Cropdusting complete. Lazarus out.

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#2010 #annoyance #AutumnThePartner #chronicFatigue #chronicIllness #chronicIllnessRecovery #dailyprompt #dailyprompt1808 #DesMoinesCropduster #EBV #Emerson #ibuprofenExperiment #insomnia #jokes #memes #processingTrauma #ramble #rant #Rose #Theo #vitaminB100Experiment #Xavier #Zelda #ZeldaSystem