A warm weekend in October just before family court

It feels tense around sensitive days like the upcoming hearing. As your mum limits interactions, there are so many things that need to be sorted out but it’s hard to resolve anything, however basic, like collecting your high chair or carseat.

The weather forecast said it would be a surprisingly warm weekend, basically like summer. I wanted to do something nice with you like a picnic but your mum refuses to meet in the centre so it will be tricky within our time.

The main person who’s worse off because of your mum’s hostilities is you. There’s no reasonable perspective to explain why she should be so difficult to cooperate on little plans for the day.

Our sunny day

I tried to make the best of the day and planned to get to Zizzi’s for lunch which gave us enough time to look at a few shops and explore for a bit.

One of the estates in the area was open to the public so we had the chance to check out the grounds. The pretty gardens and enclosed green was perfect for a running monkey like you!

You’re becoming more independent, some of our day involved you walking slowly with your little legs. It’s going to be lovely when you’re older and we can go on treks and adventures. I’m sure you’ll be leaving me behind!

The day was straightforward. There’s limited room for planning more exciting things and you’re often unwell in some way or another so calm days seem best.

Our moo-full afternoon

After lunch, as usual, I take you for a stroll in your buggy where you promptly fall asleep. I walk with the aim of having some background momentum so you sleep better but sometimes it’s tiring to be honest. Today’s heat and busyness wasn’t great for walking around but the most important thing is you slept well.

While you were snoozing, I had walked up to the edge of the centre until I saw a few cows next to the canal. It was unusual and not something I’m used to seeing back at home in the Big City! I waited nearby expecting you to be waking up around this time and in perfect sync you shuffled awake with a herd of beautiful brown cows in your view.

At this point I had to prepare for getting back. 40 minutes could easily become more if you need something along the way.

It’s starting to feel like we really only have lunch. It’s hard to make happy memories when most of our time together is in a restaurant or just walking to and from the station.

In the future, let’s go for lunch and make it really special. Sunday lunches have been our time since you were a baby. It was forced on us but let’s embrace it and make it the special daddy daughter time it should be.

Court on Thursday

My mind is a blank as it has been so often in the last year. It’s impossible to ignore but too painful and stressful to allow to surface. I don’t know what to think about Thursday. Your mum has done everything possible to stop us from having a relationship and take you from me.

Impossible choices

When your mum took you I had the impossible choice of refusing and the huge problems that would’ve caused short term, or do as I did and work through the court process knowing that your mum had already planned out that the move would become the status quo and a family court wouldn’t force her to move.

I did what I thought would cause you the least distress but sometimes I wonder if it would have been better for me to take the alternative option which would have kept us together for the years ahead. This is the dilemma I will always live with.

Back in River Town in a few days

I’ll be back in River Town for 9am on Thursday to be told why I can’t have you overnight. Why I can’t give you a kiss goodnight. I’ll be told why you can’t go on holiday with me. You’ll be 3 years old and still unaccustomed to being with me overnight if I let your mum’s plans go ahead. I may have no option.

The system doesn’t care about the bond between a dad and daughter.

#apart #dad #dadLife #daddyDaughterTime #daughter #dayOut #family #familyCourt #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #parentalAlienation #parenting #sunnyDay #timeTogether #toddler #toddlerLife #withMyGirl

I'm over 80% of the way to being able to keep my lawyer for another month.

I'd really appreciate if you're able to donate or share. Just $800 to go out of a $4.6k bill.

You can support me via chuffed, ko-fi(in bio) or directly:

venmo/cashapp/paypal: $nullagent

https://chuffed.org/project/145522-help-falsely-accused-black-dad-get-back-on-his-feet

#MutualAidRequest #BlackMastodon #Parenting #CourtWatch #Karen #Children #Family #FamilyCourt #ParentalAlienation #WA #PNW

Rechtsextreme #Netzwerke nutzen das #Familienrecht aus, um Kinder von Elternteilen zu entfremden.

#ParentalAlienation Syndrome:

"Dabei ist das angebliche Syndrom #unwissenschaftlich &#frauenfeindlich
Einige Länder haben es als Argument in Sorgerechtsverfahren bereits verboten. In anderen europäischen Ländern ist es dagegen auf dem Vormarsch. Auch in #Deutschland." berichtet @DasWissen

https://www.swr.de/swrkultur/doku-und-feature/die-entfremdungs-luege-wie-rechte-netzwerke-das-familienrecht-unterwandern-feature-2025-03-14-100.html

#rechtsextremismus #noafd #sorgerecht #coaching #esoterik

Today, we celebrate dads—present, loving, and strong.

But we also remember those who are no longer with us...

To the dads who were pushed out, worn down, or alienated from their children—we see you. We honor your love. We speak your name.

Your story matters.

🕯️This Father’s Day, we remember with love. We stand for truth. And we vow to do better...

#FathersDay #FamilyLawReform #ParentalAlienation #attachmentpathology #childpsychologicalabuse #GoneTooSoon #FathersMatter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9avel1ROzYk

When our summer’s day is cancelled and melts away

Summer has arrived and the atmosphere has changed. People are excited to be outside socialising and it seems like every family is making the most of the warmth.

A heatwave was predicted to arrive for the weekend and I wanted to make the most out of the popular family area at Steel Space in City Square. The water fountains there are adored by kids.

I asked your mum where she would drop you off and pick you up. This way, I could organise and maximise our time by asking your grandma and Clive to meet us at City Square before handing you back to your mum at 4pm.

Last summer I had more time with you, but your mum has cut it back to 4pm. For many families their fun is barely starting while by 3:15 I’m having to get back towards the handover point.

Another disappointment

On Saturday your mum sent me a message to inform me you had had a rough night.

I’d spent the last couple of days making plans with family and working out the itinerary so I could keep you cool but also make the most of our time.

I went to various supermarkets to ensure I had lots of options for your lunch and afternoon snacks too. Watermelons were in high demand but I didn’t stop until I had one, so I could hydrate you with refreshing slices.

Stupid optimism

Yesterday, I went to a Elly’s BBQ who lives nearby. While I socialised, I had you on my mind and tried to be positive that you’d be better for our Sunday together.

Jenny baked a tasty cake so I asked her what she included, to make sure it was suitable for you, and brought some home for you to try.

The fridge was full of watermelon, I had all the ingredients ready for lunch and plenty of snacks. It was hard to sleep, I was eager to see you.

The dreaded message

I don’t know why I let myself get upset when I finally saw the message cancelling. I can’t even go up and visit you to look after you when you’re unwell.

The feeling of not seeing you arrests me. It took me hours to get myself together after trying to figure out how to fix this situation.

I know things will change somehow so I’m doing everything to make sure you will always have a happy welcoming home with me.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7vkCAgrDDv3AgRCXYJUUoD?si=a2c1cb2320aa45dd

I picked this song because it’s monotonous and repetitive. Just how this situation feels.

We’ll have our sunny days together

I’m fast losing the moments of having you run around naked in the sun, filled with joy and a huge smile – the one I love so much.

I’m thinking about our future, the next decade. We’ll have lots of lovely moments together. One day we’ll fall asleep in the park together. One day we’ll go camping together. I can’t wait. They will be some of my happiest moments in my life.

I’m sick and upset about losing so many precious moments, I hate it and just want to skip forward to when we can spend the day together and chat all day, without anything to worry us.

Please always know it wasn’t me not wanting to look after you when you were unwell. Your mum is doing everything she can to stop us having a relationship. I’m sorry everything is a mess.

I promise when you’re able to make the decision yourself, you’ll always have a home with me.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2dkIVglYeSeGEVfu0ttySn?si=LqSAEOM9Sse72q5woZ9L6A

#cancelledDay #dadBlog #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #familyDiary #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #hostileCoparent #missingYou #myGirl #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting #summerIsHere #withoutYou

I have only six working days until a court hearing that could decide if I ever see my daughter again and I don't have a lawyer yet. There are no public defenders or low cost options available for fathers.

Without a lawyer my rights will not be respected.

I'm about $2k short of what is needed for this hearing, can you help me get over the finish line?

Venmo/cashapp/paypal $nullagent

https://ko-fi.com/nullagent

#MutualAidRequest #Parenting #BlackMastodon #FamilyCourt #parentalalienation

This is a deeply alienating thing to do to a child.

Everyone's like "be calm", bruh your body is hard wired to go ape shit when you're baby has been taken forcefully from you.

I'm overhere like, "strange I can't concentrate"....

Oh, yes right maybe if you go to court in 2 weeks, and we all know how courts like to delay shit at times, that two weeks is liable to turn into months.

I might miss my daughter's first birthday.

God, damn this neo liberal ass state.

#parentalalienation

Cherished time together after family court

After the court day, I’ve been in shock and struggling to make sense of what the rest of the year is going to be like. I can’t get excited about having you overnight and more of the same is what has been imposed on me.

Temporarily forgetting about problems

It’s hard to think about our time together without the disappointment, but your smell and beautiful face partly lets me forget about the problems while we’re together.

Today I picked you up from the station as usual, I had suncream to ensure I would protect your beautiful skin. I was keen to get back to our neighbourhood so we could make the most of the safe streets and play areas.

Your leggings were a little wet because you did a big wee which leaked slightly, so I took them off and it was the loveliest sight to see your legs out, I rarely see your skin apart from when I’m changing your nappy. I miss giving you a bath.

Funny little things you do

We chilled at home and played. Olivia bought you crayons which she also wrapped up. You’re such a lucky girl, getting presents all the time.

At home, I’m extremely happy to say that you know the rooms and the spaces and go about on your own. This is exactly what’s right. It’s your home, your space to enjoy and feel comfortable in.

For whatever reason you wanted to rearrange the pots kept on some shelves in the balcony. I love seeing you do your own thing.

Big girl lunch

You’re eating well and I think you’re more interested in proper food nowadays, so Olivia made us a tofu stir fry. A meal we have together regularly and I was pleased to share with you.

You didn’t like being in the high chair like usual, so you climbed out and sat with me, then went over to Olivia. Adorably, you fed her and your appetite seemed to grow with each bite. We’re lucky to have Olivia in our lives, she cares about you a lot and helped me cope during this horrendous year.

Home time, it’s hard.

Your mum asked me to drop you off at City Square station a few minutes earlier so she could get the train back. So at 3:25 it was already time to head back.

Even after a 40 minute nap you were tired from the day. It’s not right that you can’t stay overnight and be peaceful at home. I’ll keep trying to make it work, but I’m also desperate for the day when we can do more than just stay near home. I hate rushing back mid-afternoon, feeling hollow for the rest of the day without you.

Next time

7 more days till I see you again, all going well. I’m planning a picnic for us and to practice some rolypolies.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6gLziluLoYfPsu1Y2KKGNo?si=b695f0c6a318426f

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7m3NBBXwnMF3NeF1vbhVrL?si=8OFnMcY9SKSKu_n3K1otFQ

#dad #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #familyLife #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #missingYou #myGirl #parentalAlienation #parenting #raisingAGirl #toddler

Back in family court fighting for you

I’m on the train home after a momentous day. It’s mid-afternoon with beautiful blue skies and people are wearing their short sleeve shirts and summer dresses. Maybe some of them were smart enough to take the day off, for an extra long weekend.

Today’s hearing

This week has been horrendous and my experience of the family court process is that it feels completely haphazard and unpredictable, which fades away hope for a good outcome for us.

At the hearing, I was placed in a heartbreaking position. Now your mum has created the status quo of you living in River Town, it’s realistically impossible that the court would force her to return to the Big City or even establish a workable coparenting arrangement. The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to parent you equally, 50/50 time with both parents and all our love.

I’ve tried so hard to make sense out of her reasoning for all of this. I will never understand why she’s doing everything to stop us having a proper relationship. Why does she hate the idea of you getting a kiss from me goodnight?

Remaining problems

I had to focus the issues at the hearing on when we would have time together and start overnights. Otherwise, your mum clearly wouldn’t let it happen for a long time and be rigid and create obstacles. So I can’t leave it up to her to decide.

I overheard her barrister refusing to negotiate, it sounded like your mum had already made this a red line.

I also couldn’t leave arrangements about your birthday for your mum to decide on. I want to be able to give you a cake, to give you a birthday kiss…

At the hearing, your mum refused to agree that I could have you on your birthday. She’s heartless.

What’s happening next

Although I tried to be practical, your mum completely refused to agree to when I could have you overnight and about your birthday, so the court’s help is still needed to resolve those issues. A further date has been set for early October.

We’ve lost so much time already, but before completely slipping through my fingers, I will keep fighting for you and I’ll keep building a happy home you will always feel safe at. I promise sweetheart.

I hope you never doubt my love for you.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1ryI8w9IcBc0eLJ1MHklkJ?si=T-hjqtsfQeOByIp0mMj__w

#childrenSRights #custodyBattle #dad #dadBlog #dadDiary #dadLife #daughter #emotional #familyCourt #familyLife #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fightingForYou #heartbreak #love #mentalHealth #missingYou #myBaby #myGirl #parentalAlienation

The torment of looming family court

This week started with the deadline for filing documents to the court. All weekend it’s all I thought about. The stress and uncertainty that the outcome may become a horrible legally enforced separation between us.

Your mum’s lies and accusations

Your mum has used random messages as evidence against me. She’s clutching at straws including making up that I take you around all day on public transport. She has no remorse and acts with total impunity. The sad fact is she can make up whatever she likes, it’ll just work against me and never be checked.

The reality is that since she took you away the day before my birthday, the week before Christmas, I’ve been too scared of losing time again. I’ve brought you home and avoided travelling in case she refuses to let us have time together, again.

Taking the solicitor and barrister’s advice

Everyone is telling me to concede, to present myself as the reasonable one. They’ve told me the courts won’t do anything to bring us back to the same city, or develop a suitable arrangement so I can coparent you.

I’m shattered and heartbroken. I will go to court to face lies. I’m devastated and the week hasn’t even finished, the event hasn’t even taken place.

The courts will reinforce the status quo, the status quo your mum calculated to separate us and make it impossible to care for you or even give you a kiss goodnight, without her getting in our way.

I don’t know what Friday will bring but it’s nearly here. We’ll be in the same city but I’m not allowed to go and see you at nursery.

Thinking ahead

In the future, something will change, I’m sure. Right now, this is the most pain I’ve ever experienced.

My dream is to give you a bath tonight, to put you to bed and listen to you sleep all night.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6UBSgILqh7FgaVNWoHfBlj?si=2d6f1e9468674951

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5vM8I3uTRSILgH9x7uw4vp?si=cTfqrOL-Rcmf_vWzv585NQ

#coparenting #custodyBattle #dad #dadLife #daughter #family #familyCourt #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fightingForYou #heartbreak #myGirl #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting #UKFamilyCourt #worthIt

Sunshine is here and the joy of time together

It had been too long since I last saw you and a huge amount has been happening. The impending court hearing is a dark cloud over everything.

Our day together and meeting old friends

I picked you up from City Square, your attention initially being on the birdcage swings that so many visitors to the area enjoy. We queued for a moment and I gave you the chance to swing. Playtime didn’t last long because you seemed to enjoy jumping off at the swing rather than holding on! It was hilarious.

The weather was warming up, it was due to be a lovely sunny day after its coldish start. So instead of popping straight home we went for a walk around the neighbourhood.

At home

You’re feeling more and more comfortable at home. It’s clear you’re familiar with it and your bedroom. I’m so happy about this, it’s your home and I want you to be at ease, it’s your home sweetheart and always will be the first place you lived.

Napping and seeing friends

Soon after lunch I took you out, I wanted you to have a good rest and it was lovely out so the fresh air would be good.

As usual, you fell asleep pretty quickly. While you slept I passed some time by walking to Lake Lane to see what events and activities were taking place and until our friends Craig and Phoebe arrived to the area. They’re looking to buy a house in recognition of how family friendly it is around here.

Oftentimes wherever you look, families are walking with their buggies. It’s the perfect place to have a little one like you. I hope the bubbas being walked around and kids laying out of the side of the buggies while they nap, will include some of your best mates in the future.

Cafcass report

On Monday, Cafcass will produce their report. This will be a big moment, court are likely to follow what they suggest and if it goes wrong I’ll have even less access to you, less time together to grow our relationship and make memories.

I’m terrified, I barely see you once a week and your mum has done everything to make our time together uncomfortable and stressful.

While I treasured every moment together today, I’m filled with dread that the sporadic and insufficient time we have will be further reduced and made worse.

Life cut off from you is horrible.

Listen through the podcast

#Cafcass #childhoodMemories #courtHearing #dad #dadLife #family #familyCourt #fatherSRights #fatherhood #growingUp #heartbreak #parentalAlienation #parenting #toddler

Decided today that I need to contact social services regarding my ex’s alienation of me towards the kids.
#divorce #parenting #parentalalienation

Stress between Cafcass interviews

I’m writing this in a moment between Cafcass meetings. I spoke with the case officer on Monday, and your mum will speak to her next week.

I’ve struggled to keep a record here for you as so many moments are sad and hopeless. I have lots of notes in drafts, waiting to be revised before I save, but the pain of recalling those moments has been too difficult and I avoid going back to them to avoid provoking more sadness. Ultimately, I want to keep a record for you, so I’ll work it out.

This relentless situation means I’ve got to make the most of what we have.

Your mom continues to fight against me, against us being a family where I have equal responsibility, time and care for you. She doesn’t want me involved and I’ve been fighting just to be able to see you more than once a week. It hurts me so much that we barely have 5 hours together on a Sunday and many of those are cancelled anyway.

Staying in your memories

I’m terrified you don’t know who I am right now. What if you don’t see that I’m your loving dad who will always love and care for you.

I got a bit of hope because you can understand and remember little things. Like on the weekend, when you knew where to get your plates and bib for lunch. It was a lovely surprise to get your help but most importantly for you to have remembered something about our time together.

Missing so much

Even with some positive signs, I live devastated that I can’t give you a bath at night or kiss in the morning.

More hostilities to come

Next week your mum will spew more hateful deceitful lies with the only one aim, to keep us apart.

I think about you every moment, even though it hurts.

Listen through the podcast

#Cafcass #courtCase #dad #dadLife #dadTime #daddyDaughter #family #familyCourt #fatherTime #fatherSRights #fatherhood #heartbreak #makingMemories #parentalAlienation #parenting #preparingForCourt #timeTogether

Browsing vintage markets and breweries in the spring warmth

I still get a little nervous in anticipation of our time together but the enjoyment of cuddles and learning more about you is the best feeling.

I’m continuing to focus on having time at home so you feel comfortable when you first stay overnight with me.

A great poser

Your outfit looked really cute so I thought I’d let you jump on the bed so we could do a little photoshoot.

Circles and stabs

I organised a drawing activity for you to show off your artistic skills. After lots of circles and stabs you decided to draw on the floor. Your laugh showed you were knowingly being naughty. I’ll have to do some fatherly discipline soon but I’m sure you’ll be well behaved. I can tell you’re a very compassionate sweetheart.

Spring and warmer days

After lunch, I wanted you to get a decent nap so we went for walkies around the breweries starting with Social Pub which had a vintage market on. You didn’t see much because you dozed off instantly when we left home. We continued to Lake Lane where Greenlake Taproom had a mini vintage market too, plus food.

While I waited for you to wake up, I had a lager from Games Brew. We sat next to a family together on a casual day out. I smiled at them and their diddi. I felt jealous we don’t have a family like theirs.

I positioned your buggy so you would wake up to the sight of their dog. As you slowly blinked awake, the dog was pleased to have your attention!

The weather is getting much nicer and it was surprising to relax for a bit in a t-shirt. I took off a few of your layers and we chilled.

It’s exciting to think about the warmer days we’ll have together and the comfort a few extra degrees gives us

Marathon, this time next week

Every moment together is precious and I had hoped with plenty of notice, your mum would be reasonable and switch from Sunday to Saturday – clearly it was too much to expect as she refused.

With regret, next week I won’t be able to see you. I’ll be running for hours with too much time to think about us and regretting not having our tiny amount of time together.

Listen through the podcast

#dad #dadLife #daddyDaughterRelationship #daughter #daughters #family #familyCourt #familyTime #fatherSRights #fatherhood #girls #heartbreak #marathonTraining #missingYou #myGirl #parentalAlienation #parenting #springIsComing #toddler #toddlerArtsAndCrafts #warmerWeather

Getting comfy this weekend at home after a month apart

To make up for the lost day from your holiday to Coldland, your mum let me have you for both Saturday and Sunday.

It’s been about a month since I last kissed your nose, a month since I could give you a squeeze. Such a long time is painful. You’re learning and growing super fast and I feel lost not knowing what words you’ve learnt or new interests you’ve gained.

I’m continuing to focus our time at home, in preparation for when court finally forces your mum to let me have you overnight. Bathtime together and waking up to your beautiful morning smiles, should come soon!

Saturday

We played at home, you arrived very tired and you had a cold so we took it easy.

You’re comfortable at home. You travel across rooms with familiarity and know which areas are safe to play in and which areas will cause me to run over to move you away (your interest in electricity cables seems to have passed!)

Your understanding is getting very advanced. You seem to understand most things I ask you. For example, I asked for your help bringing the highchair seat and legs and you perfectly understood – even to bring several parts at a time!

Your most used word remains ‘moor’. It’s very useful and so lovely to hear your voice.

Sunday

We played and I had another cooking activity to do together. The coffee table is the perfect height for you, so I placed a bowl of pasta and the pan there to get your help.

After lunch and listening to music, we went for a walk where we visited the brewery where James met you for the first time, only a few weeks after you were born.

Every time I walk past it, I think of that sunny late summer afternoon when I thought we would be close for years to come. That idea has now been shattered, but my love for you remains unchanged.

We played Connect 4 while I had half a lager. The perfect game to keep you entertained for a few minutes until you went exploring and got compliments from others for being so cute.

On the way home you spoke another of your favourite words. Deedee! Deedee! All smiley and giggily while dogs walk past. A few very friendly pups crossed our path and I was pleased to see you’ve learnt to stroke not pull at their hair!

Saying goodbye

Handing you back to your mum is usually the hardest moment of the week for me. The unpredictability of whether or not I’ll see you the following Sunday and torment from your mum, hurts my mood for the rest of the night.

I still can’t look at our pictures and have to try and distract my thoughts. It’s been almost a year of not being able to go to sleep without exhausting myself first.

Seeing your mum

Your excitement when you see your mum shatters my heart.

Any connection we built up during the day is lost faster than a blink. I try to improve my thoughts by focusing on the idea that your reaction means you’re well looked after. My broken heart reminds me that your life is currently missing my love and incomplete.

Me and your mum love you equally but my love is blocked for now.

Listen through the podcast

#dadLife #dadLove #daughter #familyTime #fatherSRights #fatherhood #ILoveYou #IMissYou #makingMemories #parentalAlienation #parenting #preciousMoments #toddlerActivities

... Happy mother's day 😔 #ParentalAlienation

https://diaryformybeloved.wordpress.com/2025/03/13/hostilities-on-mothers-day/

Hostilities on Mother’s Day

I haven’t updated for few weeks because you’ve been in Coldland on holiday.

At the first court day, your mum asked for approval to take a holiday with you. This was partly to suggest I didn’t let you go over Christmas.

When she raised the issue last year, her email suggested she was merely informing me of her plans, rather than confirming consent. She asserts things and then refuses to discuss. In circumstances like this, she would need my permission.

Rather than discuss holidays and when I could see you, she chooses to refuse to speak.

A part of me fears she could take you even further away, and make a relationship between us as hard as possible – if not impossible.

I told your mum that her having you over Christmas and New Year should mean you get the chance to be with me and your paternal family the next year. Rather than accept this, being reasonable and likely to be set by the courts anyway, she accused me of ruining her Christmas break.

It was awful not being able give you a kiss on Christmas Day and my family were very upset not to be able to see or speak to you. I still don’t know where you were that day.

Mother’s Day

At this point, past midweek, I don’t know if I’ll see you on the weekend. I haven’t seen you for 2 weeks. I haven’t been able to give you a cuddle or pat on the bum for too long.

Your mum asked me about swapping Sunday (Mother’s Day) for Saturday and I said yes because I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of an occasion like this. I’ve never tried to make her connection with you difficult.

The rail strikes were confirmed this week, meaning I won’t be able to make it to River Town on Saturday because during rail strikes there are no rail replacement buses. I suggested 2 options for your mum, the first that she makes it down to the Big City using her car, or we revert back to Sunday.

I understand she would have made plans, but equally I would hope that she would be reasonable and take on board that the strikes are not in my control.

At this point it appears she has decided not to switch back meaning a third week of not seeing you and following a 2 week holiday.

Marathon training and having you in my mind

I’m doing the Big City Marathon in just over a month, as I train and do long runs, my mind goes round in circles thinking about you. Your smell, the way our cuddles are a perfect match.

Hopelessness when even being reasonable doesn’t work

I’m really down all the time. I don’t know what happened for all this to happen. Your mum pushes beyond what I thought would be the limits.

The only thing left is for her to accuse me of harming you. I don’t know what I’d do if she does that. I’m 1 accident from losing you. 1 bump in the park or me falling over while holding you. I can’t bear thinking what your mum would do to use it against me.

I have all my energy working to see us through this. My love for you is infinite and I will never give up on being your loving dad together alongside your mum because I want you to have us both in your life equally.

Listen through the podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6dB2JJMRbJ5SwSeWihvzmo?si=Y4AsURcAReCzCoVZVq23Ig

#childArrangementOrder #dadLife #daughter #familyCourt #familyLaw #fatherhood #hopelessness #hostileMother #hostileMum #marathon #marathonTraining #missingYou #MotherSDay #MotheringSunday #parentalAlienation #parentalResponsibility #parenting

Family court day was like a nightmare

The sun’s rising over Gold Rings Park. It’s a clear sky and Kingsford is already getting busy.

I’m too tired to think or be upset. The coach is full of young tourists chatting in various languages, pleased to return home from their holiday in the Big City.

Back in the Big City on the train back home

Moments like these fill me with sadness because it’s clear your mum is willing to lie to get between us. She doesn’t want me to have a meaningful part of your life, she wants to control everything.

The court hearing

I arrived to an office style building, unsure what to expect. Inside, your mum asked for a private room, a space reserved for victims. She’s willing to put on a show, as ridiculous as it is, considering we meet at your handover. She’s no victim, and at this point, more qualified for being an actor.

The hearing was brief. I couldn’t make my statement because I was too upset. Reading my statement was like being tortured. I’ve never been more humiliated in my life. I was there to beg to see you. The setup was like a criminal asking for leniency. What was my crime? To want to love and protect you?

Your mum had a team around her. A hotshot barrister and solicitor created a shield where she didn’t even have to speak for herself. She paid others to lie for her. She will ensure no expense will be spared to get her way and push me out of your life.

Your mum’s barrister proclaimed several times that we were in agreement on many aspects. A manipulation designed to perpetuate the status quo your mum imposed. I have never agreed to losing our relationship. I will never agree for you to be taken away from me.

Your mum’s barrister also said your mum did not want to be involved in litigation. This was one of the few truthful comments, however it has always been within her control to discuss arrangements. She the one, that refuses to speak.

Fundamentally, your mum is the one demanding full control. I have only asked for equal parenting, so I can be there to look after you and help make your life as wonderful and happy as it should be.

Next steps

A further report was ordered, this will be done on your behalf and the court will use its recommendations.

I expect it will advise to keep the status quo. Your mum would have calculated this from the start. This whole process had an outcome when she started it. Your mum covertly planned and calculated it to have maximum impact against me.

You may never have a childhood where I have proper involvement. But you’ll see that I will be there for you no matter what, even if that’s just a few days I’m allowed.

The days assigned to me are like the arrangements set to a criminal. My only crime will have been to love your little face and wanting to be there for you.

Losing hope

I’m exhausted, depressed, saddened, like nothing I’ve ever experienced or could imagine. Life is hell and the only thing I want is to give you a bath at night, get you snug into bed and give you a kiss when you wake up.

It will soon be a year since I was last with you when you woke up in the morning.

We will never have our time back, your mum has stolen it and denied us our love.

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#anythingForYou #dad #dadLife #daddySGirl #daughter #emotional #emotionalDay #emotionallyBroken #family #familyCourt #familyCourtHearing #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fightingForYou #heartbreak #hostileCoparent #missingYou #myLove #parentalAlienation #parenting

It’s the day before our family court hearing

I’m on the train on the way home. On the way in to the platform, a woman was coming down the escalator behind me shouting ‘Jesus loves you’. At a time like this, I truly hope so; I need all the help I can get.

At home, further documents arrived. Your mum has continued her barrage of accusations and I have almost no time to prepare. For hours after work I read through her statements and prepared responses.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow may be the worst day of my life. The best was the first time I kissed you. The worst, so far, was when your mum took you away from me.

I will be getting up at 6am so I can get the bus to Kingsford and then coach to Lakeside where I will get another bus to River Town. This long journey may be a sign of my bad luck. National rail strikes on a day I just have to get to River Town. But this time with unbelievable sadness, I won’t even get a chance to see you.

I have my personal statement ready, my response to allegations ready and I will fight for you sweetheart – I won’t give up. 💞

Court is at noon.

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#childCustody #courtHearing #dad #dadLife #daughter #familyCourt #familyLawyer #familySolicitor #fatherSJustice #fatherSRights #fatherhood #fightForYou #heartbreak #hostileCoparent #legalBattle #loveMyBaby #missingYou #neverGiveUp #parentalAlienation #parenting