Looking back, a lot of my problems in/with therapy or that were "therapy resistant" can be explained by my therapists being allistic-centred and not considering that I might be autistic and not considering solutions that would work for me (regardless of diagnosis).
:masto_face_with_rolling_eyes: my most long-term trauma therapist continually asking me to look them in the eyes when they told me stuff wasn't my fault or otherwise validated me. They meant well, wanting me to see that they really meant the reassurance. But even though I like eye contact sometimes, other times I really really don't. I think I don't like it when uncomfortable emotions are involved.
Why do allistics think avoiding eye-contact is some kind of absolute disconnection??? Do they not have other ways to connect???? Are they ok, I am worried ❤️
🌱 It would have been SO HELPFUL to spend some time on finding a way for me to get that extra connection and feedback that actually worked for me. Like holding hands and them squeezing my hand as reassurance.
:masto_face_with_rolling_eyes: Interpreting situations where I avert my eyes as me definitely being ashamed and needing to overcome that shame. To the point where I don't even know if that feeling is shame or not, I just assumed it was. But since I started thinking of myself as autistic, it dawned on me that while it is a feeling of unease or being uncomfortable, it is not shame. Thanks for gaslighting me, therapists :////
🌱 They should have encouraged me to find ways to make more situations less uncomfortable INCLUDING BY AVOIDING EYE CONTACT. And have more ways to deal with shame aside from "tell me while looking me in the eyes so you see I don't judge you". Like humour, hand-squeezes, creative things, etc.
:masto_face_with_rolling_eyes: Everything around my problems with phonecalls. WTF. Mental health professionals just fucked up constantly around it. I remember sitting in a psycho-education course where they talked about ways to overcome phobias and I went "well OK but literally none of that works for me wrt phonecalls, I have tried, I have had this problem for over a decade, what is even up with that?" and they couldn't even help me figure out what was going on and just went "you prolly have too much trauma". Thanks for nothing.
🌱 They should have considered the possibility that I have other reasons rather than some nebulous trauma that keeps phonecalls from working for me. I have tons of trauma but it's not phone-related.
🌱 They should have encouraged me to find ways to AVOID phonecalls and assert my right to communicate in other ways and yell at institutions, health insurance etc who require phonecalls instead of making me comply with their shitty expectations. I'd rather write an email or letter.
🌱 They should NOT require me to make phonecalls to access their care, to cancel appointments when I'm sick, etc!!!! Have you heard of email.
:masto_face_with_rolling_eyes: One time a therapist in psychiatry thought I was rude for not immediately verbally replying to their "good morning" while passing me in the hallway. I was deep in thought and didn't see you coming and couldn't switch on my verbal that quick!!! Doesn't mean I hate you ffs.
:masto_face_with_rolling_eyes: Idk if this is me being autistic but one time I was being mistreated in trauma therapy (their concept SUCKED) and asked them a bunch of questions to try to understand what they were even saying and doing and why. I was branded as a troublemaker and kicked out. FOR ASKING QUESTIONS about things I genuinely didn't understand and genuinely wanted to understand and work with them, via letter. That place had lied to me by promising something before I got admitted and then doing a 180 once I got there.
🌱 Don't fucking lie and don't be hypocrites and don't punish people for asking questions. Just be honest and do your best to communicate clearly.
:masto_face_with_rolling_eyes: Therapists kept pushing me to conform and assimilate into society. Didn't even occur to them to ask me what my goals were – not that! – despite talking a big deal about how they are here to support me in MY goals.
🌱 Accept and celebrate people for who they are, even and especially when they fall outside of society's (current) norms! Listen to them about their own goals and inner wisdom. Be curious.
There's probably more… If you had similar experiences, feel free to share.
#ActuallyAutistic #autism #autistic #therapy #TraumaTherapy #CPTSD #PTSD #AutismAwareness #AutismAcceptance
