If we got conquered by aliens, I'd just be relieved someone competent was taking over

I'm never on this account other than to boost the posts from my threads account since it's now in universe or whatever the heck... If you want to see my things (or even if you don't) you should follow the account I boosted prior to this one. Thanks and stuff and things.

Work in progress line of dialogue from chapter one that makes me happy: “A romance novel is just one good monster away from becoming a horror story.” It IS a horror story.

I don’t know where this is but they have clearly won at October decorations

If someone asks for LaCroix by name they’re a side character. They’re not to be trusted and won’t progress your story in any meaningful way.

Old people in the south have sayings like, “there’s more than one way to skin a cat,” and I for one would be just fine not knowing even one of the ways.

The scariest part about Halloween is that people knock on our doors. We don’t know who it is, it could be anybody.

Remember to look a stranger in the face and tell them happy birthday tomorrow. It might not really be their birthday but… it could be.

I once heard someone use the word, "upon," correctly in a sentence and was thoroughly impressed.

Young people think they know it all, old people think they know it all, there’s a sweet spot right in the middle when we realize it doesn’t matter what we know as long as there is pizza.

@selzero
Mashed Potato Johnson: blues man get in anywhere…

@adhdeanasl it’s true. People say “that’s bad you could get glass everywhere” but my thought is, I’m more worried about the tiny sprinkles of liquor that will be flung about.

People like to argue that the glass is half full when others say that the glass is half empty. They’re both missing the point, the glass is refillable.

As a 38 year old man I know that buying nunchucks as a self defense weapon wasn’t a smart idea but as a 38 year old man with a concussion I also know that they will do their job.

I don’t understand how anybody can get lost in a corn maze. It’s just corn. Pick a direction and push it out of your way, surprise! You’re free.

I hate meetings that could have been emails but also I hate emails that could have been texts and I especially hate texts that could have been a sticky note attached to the back of a pigeon like an adorable cape.

We need an app that makes it sound like we’ve slammed down our landline before ending our smartphone calls.

@kevinteljeur side quests to HELL. Lol

“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.”

-Mark Twain

@UnderpantsGnome @cynblogger I mean both literally 😂