So – which pattern feels most natural for your brand?
Or are you still stuck in corporate-speak purgatory?

💥 #BrandVoice #NoMoreBeige
💥 #MarketingStrategy #ConversionHacks

That’s what these patterns do.
Not about being loud.
About being unignorable.

Your choice:
🔸 Blend into the beige parade
🔸 Become the voice people lean in to hear

Imagine a networking event:
👥 50 people in identical grey suits
🗣️ Making identical small talk

Then someone walks in wearing…
…also a grey suit
BUT when they speak:
→ Specific where others are vague
→ Direct where others fluff
→ Human where others sound like ChatGPT

5. The Loving Enemy
🚫 “We understand your challenges”
✅ “I’ll tell you what your team’s too afraid to say…”

4. The Gentle Bulldozer
🚫 “Consider our approach”
✅ “Stop doing that immediately. It’s costing you £[X] and here’s exactly how…”

3. The Chaotic Ally
🚫 “Partner with us for success”
✅ “Working with us is like having that slightly unhinged friend who somehow always knows what to do”

2. The Whispered Truth
🚫 “Our expert team delivers results”
✅ “Look, we’ve messed this up before. That’s exactly why we now…”

After analyzing 1,000s of conversion paths, I found the only 5 voice patterns that print money:

1. The Pattern Interrupt
🚫 “We offer tailored solutions”
✅ “We’re probably not for you. Here’s why…”

Your brand voice isn’t killing sales.
Your lack of voice is.

93% of B2B companies sound identical online.
A beige parade of:
→ “Innovative solutions”
→ “Cutting-edge technology”
→ [Insert soul-crushing corporate cliché]

Prospects’ eyes glaze over 🧵 👇🏼

We Brits don't say "Tuesday sucks."

We say "Tuesday's just Monday cosplaying as progress" while making our fourth cup of tea and pretending the week has momentum.

It's professional purgatory with better lighting.

#TuesdayTruth #FreelanceLife #WorkLife

Freelancer spirituality =
Lighting a candle, opening Canva, and designing your own trauma into a lead magnet.

We Brits don’t say “I’m depressed.”
We say “Could do with a change of scenery.”
Then we walk to Co-op and emotionally browse biscuits.

Copy tip:
Nobody remembers polite.
They remember sharp.
They remember punchy.
They remember “that post that made me laugh and cry in the loo.”

Freelancer truth:
Every Sunday, I decide to either raise my prices
or become a sheepdog in the Lake District.

There is no middle ground.

Sunday freelancer ritual:
– Write a to-do list
– Stare at it
– Add ‘write to-do list’ so you can tick something off
– Reward yourself with toast

We Brits don’t say “I’m panicking about Monday.”
We say “Might get a few bits prepped later.”
Then we deep clean the fridge and hope clarity finds us in the veg drawer.

You opened one Google Doc and now you’re rethinking your entire niche.
You’ve changed your brand colours 4 times.
You’ve rewritten your offer and emotionally soft-launched it to yourself.
You are, technically, “off.”
But you’re also deeply on.
That’s not strategy.
That’s coping.

We Brits don’t say “I need to quit.”
We say “Might shake things up next quarter.”
Then we build a landing page for a business idea we don’t even believe in.

The only KPI I track on Sundays is whether I’ve screamed into a pillow less than three times.

So far: 2. Strong showing.

Copy tip:
If you’ve said “we help people feel empowered,” congrats, you’ve written a slogan for a cereal brand.