An autistic writer has reportedly been left “frustrated” that they are unable to submit the second draft of the very stupid thing they just said in casual conversation. Jay Chester, 48, who regularly puts their foot in their mouth during routine social interactions, often redrafts...

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An autistic woman has knowingly joined a pyramid scheme in the hopes of gaining some much-needed structure in her life, it has been reported. Niamh Callaghan, 31, was offered the chance to escape her chaotic life when a former classmate tried to charm her into...

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An autistic man who needs to find out everything there is to know about his special interest or his brain will itch until he’s dead has had his life “ruined” by discovering the single most verbose music history podcast in a frankly overcrowded market, it...

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An autistic woman has been gifted with the superhuman ability to not understand how she’s feeling about a single thing at any given moment, eyewitnesses have claimed. Miya Wilkes, 29, was reportedly born blessed with an innate proclivity for having zero sense of what that...

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A woman doesn’t know if she’s autistic despite being completely hyperfixated on autism, it has been reported.  Paige Thomas, 29, is unsure of whether or not she would meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis, yet simply relates to a bunch of stuff autistic woman say,...

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An autistic woman mistaken for being “naïve” and “a total sweetheart” is secretly concealing a rank and sordid mind full of darkness and debauchery, it has been rumoured. Despite her cheerful, open smile and guileless expression, Kelsey Dacey, 32, constantly daydreams about Satanic rituals, mutual...

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An autistic woman frequently mistaken for a manic pixie dream girl is actually more of a manic pixie cold-hard-dose-of-reality girl, it has been confirmed.  Beth Hapworth, 26, who is often confused by straight men for the whimsical nymph of their male-gazey fantasies, will, in fact,...

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An autistic woman’s weekly shop has ended in disaster after she was forced to interact with a person at the self-checkout, according to sources. Sabeen Bhatt, 42, was innocently scanning her groceries when the self-checkout prompted her for ID. Before she could cancel – or...

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An autistic woman’s bisexuality has made her even more invisible than if she were just a regular autistic woman, sources have claimed. Tricia Squire, 34, has been gradually fading out of existence since her teen years, when her autism and bisexuality began a race to...

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An autistic woman is terrified of ruining a new notebook with her unoriginal, humiliating internal monologue, sources have revealed. Emma Bernard, 29, who purchased the A5 floral-patterned notebook last week while visiting an art gallery, is reportedly determined that it will remain on the shelf...

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An autistic woman is reportedly yet again about to do the wretched morally correct thing, even though it will cost her dearly. Tricia Squire, 34, told reporters that all she wants is a quiet life – but try telling that to her horrid, self-righteous little...

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An autistic woman asked by her doctor whether she is sexually active reportedly has no idea how to answer the question without detailing her entire sexual history. Alma Montague, 30, was seeing doctor Christine Smout, 49, for a checkup when she was ambushed with the...

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An autistic woman has baffled her friends and relatives by switching career every few days, with each job more strange and confusing than the last, sources have claimed.  Pippa Durham, 39, who holds a first-class degree in Anglo Saxon, Norse and Celtic, had intended to...

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An autistic woman has set a new world record for speed in avoiding all direct requests made of her, it has been reported. Ffiona Maw, 29, has managed to successively run away from all tasks that have been required from her since 2011 – including...

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An autistic woman’s one-step skincare routine is reportedly better than a no-step skincare routine – probably.  37-year-old Emma Bernard used to make the effort to cleanse, tone and moisturise twice a day – but then they changed what you’re supposed to do to include all...

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A local man believes autistic people are “faking it” in a bid to take away the abundant riches promised to him by the government, sources have said. Paul Shinter, 49, says that the UK government has lots of cash it wants to distribute to the...

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An autistic woman has been left devastated to discover that “quiet carriage” signs on trains are essentially meaningless, according to reports. Megan Aldrich, 34, booked a seat in the quiet carriage for her morning commute in the hope of preventing a severe case of sensory...

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An autistic woman who unexpectedly bumped into a good friend while out is reportedly unsure of why she’s reacted like she’s encountered a terrifying creature coming at her with outstretched limbs. Beth Hapworth, 31, from Ormskirk, was taking a pleasant evening stroll around her local...

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An autistic woman has challenged the stereotype that women don’t always fit the autism stereotype by being stereotypically autistic, sources have confirmed.  Beth Hapworth, 29, who was diagnosed in childhood, loves trains and has never so much as attempted to fake eye contact by looking...

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An autistic teenager transported into magical a world of technicolour has reportedly been left “desperate” to find her way home, away from all the horrible technicolour. Dorothy Gale, 16, from Kansas, described the land of Oz as “ow, my eyes”. Gale commented: “To be honest,...

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