Bystanders have reportedly been left “traumatised” after overhearing an autistic woman answering the question “what’s the worst that can happen?” The question, which was reportedly intended to be rhetorical, was answered in harrowing detail by Sabeen Bhatt, 46, who began by describing every possible calamity...

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An AuDHD family has reportedly been left bereft after their household money mysteriously ran away, like a wayward pet.  Parents of two, Dexter and Paige Livingstone, both 39, tried to take good care of their money and give it the best possible life in a...

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An AuDHD woman is desperately trying to catch up on the last two decades of pop culture after arriving late to a fancy-dress party, eyewitnesses have claimed. Ffiona Maw, 39, became late after giving herself five minutes to do her hair and discovering that five...

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An autistic woman has finally worked out who all the characters in a new TV show are, just in time for the season to reach its conclusion, sources have claimed.  Miya Wilkes, 30, who spent the first five episodes of a generic courtroom drama trying...

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An autistic woman having sex can’t help but feel like a tailless amphibian, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 31, was reportedly trying not to get in her own head during a casual hookup with Ryan Wilkins, 36, but immediately realised her position resembled the...

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An autistic woman has reportedly been left “appalled” after realising that her entire worth as a human being relies on whatever her last social interaction happened to be. According to sources, Emma Bernard, 30, from Dingle, was off to a flying start “chatting normally” with...

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A recent survey has found that the top employers of autistic people are the IT and retail industries – closely followed by beloved superhero team the X-Men. Although the tech and retail sectors are known to employ many autistic people, the X-Men have never counted...

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An autistic woman’s idea of self care is virtually indistinguishable from that of a morally bankrupt Roman emperor, sources have claimed. Lottie Fitzgerald, 36, deals with the stresses of everyday life by plotting against family members (blocking her mum on WhatsApp), indulging in raucous bacchanals...

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Children are catching autism from other kids, according to a mother who took her own offspring to a measles party.  Karen Hoyland, 35, who believes both vaccines and having friends cause autism, actively encourages her six-year-old son Finley to get potentially deadly measles for reasons...

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An autistic lesbian has finally summoned the courage to momentarily lock eyes with another woman, it has been rumoured. Emma Bernard, 31, from St Helens, decided she was ready to “make a move” on Natasha Weaving, 39, who she had been admiring from a distance...

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The only thing worse than nobody noticing you is somebody acknowledging your stupid, embarrassing existence, a study has revealed. The study, conducted by researchers who had reportedly “run out of ideas”, showed that while going through life feeling invisible is painful, it’s nowhere near as...

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Autistic Pride Day is to provide a much-needed temporary respite from the remainder of a year spent marinating in shame, it has been rumoured.  The event, which takes place today, the 18th of June, encourages autistics to feel positive about themselves – until the clock...

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An autistic woman has finally landed her dream role as an unpaid educator for everyone around her, it has been reported. Navya Randhawa, 28, has always dreamed of wasting her precious time and energy explaining the modern world to everyone she meets. From family members...

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An autistic woman enduring a daily social hangover has resolved to keep on socialising until the headaches subside – despite having felt this way for nearly half her life, sources have indicated. Sarah Harrow, 33, from Halton, repeatedly downs additional shots of chat after a...

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An autistic writer has reportedly been left “frustrated” that they are unable to submit the second draft of the very stupid thing they just said in casual conversation. Jay Chester, 48, who regularly puts their foot in their mouth during routine social interactions, often redrafts...

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An autistic woman has knowingly joined a pyramid scheme in the hopes of gaining some much-needed structure in her life, it has been reported. Niamh Callaghan, 31, was offered the chance to escape her chaotic life when a former classmate tried to charm her into...

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An autistic man who needs to find out everything there is to know about his special interest or his brain will itch until he’s dead has had his life “ruined” by discovering the single most verbose music history podcast in a frankly overcrowded market, it...

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An autistic woman has been gifted with the superhuman ability to not understand how she’s feeling about a single thing at any given moment, eyewitnesses have claimed. Miya Wilkes, 29, was reportedly born blessed with an innate proclivity for having zero sense of what that...

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A woman doesn’t know if she’s autistic despite being completely hyperfixated on autism, it has been reported.  Paige Thomas, 29, is unsure of whether or not she would meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis, yet simply relates to a bunch of stuff autistic woman say,...

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An autistic woman mistaken for being “naïve” and “a total sweetheart” is secretly concealing a rank and sordid mind full of darkness and debauchery, it has been rumoured. Despite her cheerful, open smile and guileless expression, Kelsey Dacey, 32, constantly daydreams about Satanic rituals, mutual...

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