The internet has doomed us. I know I'm asking you something incorrect. Once upon a time this was to allow for conversation. Now we just walk around referring eachother to Google. Outsourcing the intricacies of learned experience and personal development. I have to keep myself busy or on drugs because I don't envy a long life held up by modern medicine if the iPhone and internet is still around.

Good riddance 2025.

I really hate Christmas

I often mourn for the home we won't share, I mourn for the land and tree canopy deep in an idyllic pine forest. I mourn our animals, rescued and kept to live a happy life. I mourn for the handcrafted cosy spaces, loft bedrooms and spiral staircases. I mourn our little balcony where we could share a joint. I never once in all that time imagined the view, maybe I should have, maybe sat down and let it all happen, maybe then I could.

Absolute technical marvel this video. Borders on videographical engineering. Nothing short of a future classic

Had to redo my YouTube W8-BEN form so rewarding myself with scrolling through the pit of my notes app and reading my writing like a narrative. Entire time I'm reading it like

RE: https://mastodon.social/@VRJacky/115536564595961674

Yeah okay so don't do this if you have a respiratory illness. Yeah I put weight and mass on but I keep getting sticker. Feel like necking so much every piece of progress I make is raped into oblivion

Been working out + adding more protein to my diet. Went from 42kg to 45kg slowly then found out what I thought was a trailing flu was actually bronchialitis... Prescribed a bunch of stuff and I put on 2kg in the past 24 hours. Result I guess??

In retrospect I take the monkeys from all the circuses. I don't have one myself the monkeys die. I hope nobody looks up to me on YouTube. I hope my shit has not rubbed off on one soul. I am not a role model I am not a good person.

I can literally see the world breadcrumbing me just enough to keep me here but not enough for me to feel like remaining is warranted

The medicine goes down easier with a cigarette in my hand

Prolly change my name to Earl at this point

If boy
Finn
If girl
Daphne

I have to rent the circus and share with strangers' monkeys

Judging by everyone's reaction to another mutual I totally could do it guilt free

All the lace and the skin in the shop
(Couldn't get you off)
All the toys and the tools in the box
(Couldn't get you off)
All the noise, all the voices never stop

I'm getting the urge to move again

I'll never see anyone who deals with money on a day to day as human. Debt and money cost me the love of my life. Because I couldn't get cleared for a credit card in time to buy her flowers for her operation. If I go insane I will maim every finance bro known to man. I am Hitler for crypto bros and finance bros. I will genocide them given the chance

The way she used to stare used to always frighten me a tad. But what I wouldn't give, take, hurt, help. Just to be looked at like that again just once. I don't see the point to committing to anything beyond making money anymore. All I want is money some days it's better I tell myself and genuinely think it. But I still have days like this

Today I will visit the unsent project and fill myself with dread over most likely nothing