also the social media aspect of it is..complicated? i know that some empty spaces posters are like very sensible people offline and it’s just an online thing they do to express and explore their darkest feelings. but for others it seems to be very much a 24/7 thing that they live and breathe. and online you can’t always tell.

part of what makes this complicated is that if i’m honest the microfiction aspect of it is fine. i can appreciate the expressiveness and creativity. i’m just annoyed how often their fiction seems to bleed into reality. at some point you have to wake up.

i still think their bit is harmful, anyway. like by identifying as angel or a doll it seems like you’re just perpetuating the cycle of trauma. but i can be a bit more, whatever, about it. not my monkeys not my circus.

kinda feeling like making peace with empty spaces currently. wish i could get the people who hurt me to apologise, that would help a lot. but maybe also at some point should just unilaterally forgive and move on.

@mutual_ayyde actually i did it once but didnt like the group

@mutual_ayyde nope!

honestly i think im realising im mostly scared about being boring bc i dont have an embodied experience of being around people that have compatible vibes? most of the time when i hang out with people i can feel this tension bc they’re more drawn to intensity and i’m more drawn to quiet

when i was a kid someone told me that the words spoken are actually the least important part of communication and i thought that was complete nonsense back then but the older i get the more it seems like he was right ^^

like i can tell that im starting to enjoy silence more and more. i used to really hate breaks in conversations and now im like, this is fine. and i think i can extrapolate that at some point i will prefer just enjoying people’s presence in silence and that might be .. weird ? idk ^^

sometimes i worry im too boring and that im actually trending in a more boring direction, especially since i’m drawn to quiet and want to long term spend more time in quiet contemplative-ish activities ^^ but it does seem to make me more happy…

@Hyolobrika the short answer is “just sit” ^^

it would be nice if we could just tell people the correct way of seeing but unfortunately it tends to be impossible to say anything that is understood correctly. every description only seems to make sense once you have seen it for yourself. so yea the only way out is to sit.

the pitch for meditation is like, by default people are horrendously confused about what their own existence and their own minds are like and the main effect of meditation is to clear up that confusion and see things clearly for what they are. and once you see past the confusions a lot of these pains i mentioned earlier just dissolve? it’s a little crazy.

to be clear when i say ‘spiritual’ here i don’t mean spooky metaphysics, there is no need to invoke any gods or demons here. i think for me spiritual roughly means ~taking the contents of your mind seriously. it’s like your own private virtual reality so it’s gonna be a little weird.

and i mean it might still just be a stupid mundane problems, if you have stupid mundane problems (lonely, bad living situation, no fulfilling activities, etc) then go fix those, but you may also just be suffering from a deeper ‘spiritual’ problem and there are established ways for resolving those (definitely not easy, though)

everything feels kinda empty and pointless? every moment is suffering? somehow nothing ever feels quite right? you feel deeply unhappy but you also struggle to point at exactly what is making you unhappy? you may just be inclined to see samsara for what it is

i think my answer to “should you meditate?” is “probably not, unless you feel drawn to it” but i do think there is a caveat that neurodivergent people are more likely to be the kind of person for whomst it is worth it

like “you’re already awake” is silly but “you’re already enlightened” now we’re cooking

“enlightenment” is a bit of a stupid term (and was chosen historically as the english translation for weird propaganda reasons ? ) and “awakening” is much better as a descriptive term but also sometimes “enlightenment” just goes hard so i still use it anyway