I'm rewatching Rookie of the Year and I think I have figured out why the Cubs in this movie weren't good. It's because the average player on this team is like 37 years old.

For when you're tired of being alone.

Everything is stupid forever now.

I cannot compare these two spreadsheets side-by-side right now as I am working from my laptop on the couch. There is thunder and my six year old dog needs me to sit next to him because he is a-skeered. #DogsOfMastodon

waffles are the BDSM version of pancakes

The problems with doomsaying in this environment are that a) it's not like it's hard to do this and be right, even if people don't want to hear it and b) there's no satisfaction in being right, since you still have to live in this world.

I am nowhere near good enough at keeping track of things to be the sole person responsible for where all important documents are for this entire family AND YET

They are going to fire on American citizens.
They are going to fire on American citizens.
They are going to fire on American citizens.
They are going to fire on American citizens.
They are going to fire on American citizens.

Maybe not today.
Maybe not in L.A.
Maybe not on Trump's direct order.

But they are going to fire on American citizens. That is the point and the reason and the desired outcome of the constant escalation. That's why it went from police to national guard. That's why it went from National Guard to the Marines. That's why it went from L.A. to L.A and Seattle. That's why it went from L.A. and Seattle to L.A, Seattle, and a bunch of other cities. That's why they started by calling us protestors, then it went from protestors to rioters. Then it went from rioters to terrorists.

That's why the escalation of dehumanization.
That's why the escalation of scope.
That's why the escalation of force.

They are going to fire on American citizens.

shel silverstein on the LLM, 1981

The best friend I ever had died last spring. Today would have been his birthday. I feel like he would have liked turning 49 because it's a perfect square, 7x7.

Erik once told me that he liked obsessing over numbers because it seemed a harmless place to situate whatever lizard brain superstition was rolling around in his head. As someone who needs to immediately determine whether numbers in a license plate are evenly divisible by three, this made perfect sense to me.

Erik was a big believer that stereos with digital volume controls should only be set to even numbers, though perfect squares like 25 or 49 would work in a pinch, too.

When I listen to music today, I'm going to turn it all the way up for Erik. But only to the highest available even number.

I am not emotionally prepared for the puppy we added to our family during the pandemic to be reaching middle age.

https://mltshp.com/p/1R2WI “this isn't funny anymore”
#alt4me

Just had our third credit card number since December stolen, all in separate incidents.

In search of gifs that represent the feeling of nervously smiling while capitalist society collapses around you.

@ryan Gonna take shots at teenaged neighbor boys with my rocket propelled deodorant launcher.

@jbburd

"Arbitrarily detained"... They're hostages.

@wohali

The earth is healing.

@adamrice Oh I figure he'll get there at some point. But it will be as stupid and obvious as everything else he does. It won't be one you need special sources to uncover. It will be like that guy in the other hemisphere whose critics all fall out of windows or accidentally ingest polonium.

At least we know he still doesn't have the ability to just have critics or opponents killed on a whim.

Because if he did, you know that he would.

So when people "SURELY THIS!" yet again at the DT/EM feud, am I allowed to just chloroform them and put them into storage? Because I can't do this again. Nothing stops this stupid train.

@micchiato The Barstool people are a pox on sports culture.