Have you ever seen a map from the 1400s without alt text? It's a nightmare. You need to explain the blobs and the dragons or your king won't give you a pension.
Dom Francisco de Avis
Late 15th century Portuguese admiral and conqueror. Because of some error in God's plan, I am on the Fediverse in 2026.
Interests include spices, seizing spices, mercantilism, finding Prester John Mastodon, cannons, sailing ships, not dying from scurvy, ocean currents, helping god recognize his own, determining longitude (if possible), serving rough justice, and King Manuel I.
[This is a character; Portugal did horrific shit that I condemn. This is a hapless bozo running amok in 2026.]
The few masochists who did sign up had a good time, though.
It's on me for assuming there was a market for a pain cruise.
People should know who I am.
Dom Francisco de Avis boosted:
@domfrancisco
Drink from the ditches
And burn all the witches
I sail in the back of my Man-O-War
We drank from the ditch.
We also didn't have peanut allergies. Just lots of dead kids.
Surprisingly civilized!
In my day, nobody had papers. You just showed up somewhere and started calling yourself Bill until everyone agreed you were Bill. It was great.
Swab the shit out of that deck, me hearties.
It's swabberin' time!
You kids today with your recorded music will never know what it means to hey nonny nonny.
Hope you like hardtack.
Sign up for a tropical getaway! Details to follow once we lose sight of land.
We supped on what little we could find. The men who ate a large, shining lizard have perished to a man. Those of us who ate the large land crabs went mad for a day. I chose wisely and tripped my fucking ass off on a beach.
Very funny, nice try.
There are three chapters on diplomatic instructions for meeting the Sultan of Atlantis on this voyage, but sexual lubricants? Nothing!
Dodo meat was incredible. They would climb into a pot, unzip and take off all their feathers, and sigh contentedly as they boiled. It was like if chicken and pork belly had an unholy chimeric flavor baby.
Dom Francisco de Avis boosted:
sleep is a myth perpetuated by Big Nightmare
Ooc: reflect for just a sec on all of the unlimited human misery, persistent racism, and ongoing geopolitical violence perpetuated in the name of literally having sugar, caffeine, chocolate, and spices of almost every variety. That was it. That was the driver.
It still happens today: if the company that sold you chocolate isn't making a huge deal about how ethically sourced it is, it is being picked by slave orphans. This is madness.
Client Info
Server: https://mastodon.social
Version: 2025.07
Repository: https://github.com/cyevgeniy/lmst