@Alice I’m totally going to write my number on it.

@amandacsb2 yes he’s good at being used. I mean being available 24/7. So good until someone has to go to work. 😭😭

@amandacsb2 we freaks don’t sleep. 😈

@evilsam #evilsam is the only hashtag I follow. Everything else gets muted.

@Alice I can’t wait to get your autograph.

I know I’m not funny anymore but at least I’m getting laid.

#evilsam

Today’s a great day to have sex.

With yourself? Sure.

#ValentinesDay
#evilsam

Femboy Friday owo

Welcome to adulthood.

The weather makes you angry now.

Does DoorDash deliver motivation?

Leaving work early cuz I’m sick. Technically sick of everybody.

Shout out to cats who curl their paws up into little fists

this is gonna be close lol

If you follow someone in a time zone ahead of you and they make it to midnight, that counts for you too.

Please don’t make me explain this joke.

It hurts my head.

"Eat all our what?" said Pooh.

@amandacsb2 I’m sure there are many people on here that want to help you with that. 😈

@evilsam I’ve never had egg nog. Maybe I should start!

Had a dream I was riding on the North Pole while holding chestnuts and licking snow off of my face. I guess it’s time to lay off the egg nog.

#evilsam

@devxvda just wait till you see my ass!