thank u @haymollz

Playing tooth fairy 5 days late and I put the money under the pillow but I cant find the fucking tooth???

15 minutes after letting my kid have a gumball: "did you swallow it"
"No"
"...did you stick it somewhere"
"No 😏"
"...."
"Dw it fell out of my mouth"

@haymollz

My child, after discovering discarded chocolate wrappers in the trash, red eyes, red face, fists clenched, single syllables gasped out between sobs: YOU! HAD! THEM! WITH!OUT! ME!

Me: …

damn it feels good to be a #fuckaas

Oooh spooky mystery flavor!? What could it be, because it looks a lot like watery cum

@zeph is it good tho

RE: https://mastodon.social/@haymollz/115364018526679647

Bringing some of these to the graduate lounge and leaving them for free daring anyone to make the stereotypical "act of transgression" from a horror movie

This account is rated:

@haymollz my three moods

I tried to make some normal decorated cookies and my kid was NOT having it lmfao

Alright my kid has found her niche with the creepy eye thing.

Biblically accurate

Witch hat

i have been thinking about getting into bed since the moment i got out of bed

not going to kink shame, but maybe express some kink concern

every ai ad is like "hey gemini, what would I have for lunch?"
and then the phone is like "sandwich"
and the guy is like "wow"

@andthisismrspeacock the classic!

Ooooh ok I think I get it now. I misunderstood. Lmao

I need someone to explain to me like im a 2 yo why if the problem involves finding the nearest neighbor in a 3d space I would assume that 3d space is a sphere

Cat in a box #CatsOfMastodon