This day in history. 1941. Australian poet Banjo Paterson who wrote Waltzing Matilda died from an infected billabong.

*perpetually lost in thought

I have no idea how I ended up on mastodon.world, but it is comforting to know I'm using this social media site wrong too.

Arizona is the Florida of the United States.

“What news do you bring me from over the mountains, my little friend?”

“There is a great storm coming, you should find shelter soon. Also, I saw hunters camped in the valley.”

“Anything else?”

“Your mother wants to know if you’re eating enough. She says she worries about you.”

Me: You're the only one I can count on. You make me a better person.

Advil: Stop pressuring me.

Hello, friends. Due to uncertainty about the fate of mstdn.party I’ve migrated to this new account. Unfortunately I lost every post and I’m not following anyone.

So, in most ways I’m starting over. Please be patient while I refollow folks and begin to repost everything.

Cheers

“Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today,” I say as I destroy my fourth sleeve of Oreos.

Me: I’m hungry
Other me: but you just had lunch
Third me: both of you shut up
Fourth me: don’t me tell me to shut up

Look, I’m pretty sure I’ve still my BB gun around somewhere if they need someone to take care of that Chinese balloon.

We don't appreciate how good we had it as kids. When we were kids and we didn't want to do something, we could just scream NO at the top of our lungs. We can't do that anymore.
Well, we CAN, but we probably SHOULDN'T.

Need a Pepto Bismol type product but for feelings.

A handy guide:
- An organization with "freedom" in its name is typically against it
- An organization with "patriot" in its name is typically anti-American
- An organization calling itself "Christian" typically is not interested in forgiveness or tolerance
-

Today's goal is to watch for asteroids. Keeping a close eye on them will stop them from pulling a fast one and plummeting to earth.

When I say I left my comfort zone to empower my coworkers, I mean got out of my chair to reset a breaker they'd flipped.

Everything you don’t understand isn’t a hoax.

Me: *pulling weeds and listening to 80s hair bands

Chinese spy balloon: fuck this *leaves

Mom Font should be a thing

Me: I’m making chicken for dinner. What kind would you like?

18: The kind with the two first names.

Me: ???

18: It has green stuff on it.

Me: You mean ROSEMARY chicken?

18: Yeah, that one

This bath water is precisely ooh-yeah-muthafucka! degrees.