@ElleGray can confirm

my sister: why do you delete so many posts

me: sometimes you don't know something's really stupid until you send it out into the world

my mother: *staring at me just a beat too long*

Desperately Seeking Sasquatch

watched Saltburn last night. good movie with brilliant casting and a decent script…but ultimately, it’s just The Talented Mr Ripley for horny zoomers.

i have the cops on speed dial, just in case someone tries to steal my toots

"It's OK," I say as I lift up my shirt, unzip my money belt and peel off three slices of prosciutto, "I have cash."

@Smooheed @ElleGray just last week i had a kangaroo square up to me in the paddock. not to mention the alpaca farm across the road, where the alpacas stare menacingly at my dog and i when we go for walks

not to brag but i’m rated a 10 (in millimetres)

Don’t be a reply guy.
Be a comment gent.

You can't scare me. You're not a white hairdresser with dreadlocks.

@ElizabethLeeCo @Stoned_Deva_ it’s important to start every morning by listening to the fragile for breakfast

@UnderpantsGnome 100%. he is the worst person in the industry

@brentendo for sure. the self indulgence alone is unbearable

@UnderpantsGnome yeah. it’s not terrible, but it’s not great either

@Smooheed @ElleGray i get chased by kangaroos and bees

if you stand in front of a mirror and listen to the new metallica album 3 times in a row, an old gen X person will appear behind you and whisper "metallica were never the same after cliff died" and then disappear into a cloud of bong smoke

don’t be afraid to follow your dream of becoming a sightless bioluminescent blob fish and moving to the depths of the mariana trench

dicks should be able to retract like a vacuum cleaner cord

@the_etrain that sounds like a splendid idea

@the_etrain yeah sure do!