@Free_Press “What kids do” is the new “locker room talk.”

I love that Mastodon has become the Bluesky of Mastodon.

Tell your cat I said *slow blinks*

My thought bubble is a question mark.

Is it Brendan or Brandon or did I just punch you in the face?

Me: *licks your toot on my phone* Exquisite mouthfeel. *boosts and stars*

life’s too short to hold grudges you’ve got to throw them

Taking inventory of my life and claiming a loss

No one:
:blank:⁠2️⃣3️⃣
4️⃣5️⃣6️⃣
7️⃣8️⃣9️⃣
*️⃣0️⃣#️⃣

@liam you sonofa

From 2020; cartoon by Cavan Scott.

It's not that I think I’m better than everyone, it's just that Facebook continuously reminds me that there are so many people who are worse than me.

Who up being liberal with the dopamine?

if I stop posting, I'll die

Having this new account is great, now I can really focus on hating a smaller group of people

How long do you wait for someone to follow back? 2, maybe even 3 minutes?

I’m trying really hard to be a glass-is-half-full kind of person, but the glass is half-full of shit.

okay, well can AI do THIS??

[drops phone on face in bed]

"This is the way!", I yelled in ecstasy, pounding you from behind, my voice muffled by the 3D printed Mandalorian helmet.