My rent is £1700 a month, do you know how many condoms I could not be buying with that type of money?

Buy me a flat and I’ll rawdog all you want, mum.

Come on little guy! We’re all rooting for you!

There’s a blood vessel in Trumps skull that has about 2 months to do _the funniest thing_ 🙏

Can’t wait to see Trump pick ChatGPT as the secretary of education

The plural of Trump is Trimp

Don’t look at me, I voted for Nader

The proper banter thing to do now is Biden announcing he’s stepping down and making Kamala the president. But Biden has never done anything cool, so I doubt that will happen.

I’m not even on twitter but I know that’s their takeaway, I’m psychic like that sometimes

Donald Trump: *wins the popular vote*

Liberals on Twitter:

@saddestrobots “temporarily embarrassed millionaires”

Can’t wait to find out which 19 year old communist the Democratic Party decides is solely responsible for Trumps win.

@beanclock motherfuckers going to act surprised when a pigeon writes Othello

The average tellytubby gestation period is 16 months

1. interview with the vampire
2. HR screening with the vampire
3. technical interview with the vampire
4. team interview with the vampire
5. Good evening vampire, unfortunately we're not able to extend you an offer at this time. We'd like to keep in contact and notify you of any available positions in the future

@aaron @InfinityBear surprise surprise!

Police in movies about serial killers: DAMNIT! We’ve been working this case for THREE MONTHS without a lead! This guy is just TOO DAMN SMART!

Police in documentaries about serial killers: so we knew that the Chicken Coop Killer was Billy Bob Thornton sometime after he confessed to the first murder, but the entire police force was too busy doing hate crimes to arrest him and he ended up dying of a heart attack 30 years later.

@starkraving666 thanks! I post once every six to eight months

Livejournal was peak internet

Remember when we all had blogs and we wrote blogs and followed each others blogs and commented on them?