here is my bsky profile. cheers all https://bsky.app/profile/philjamesson.com

trees turn carbon dioxide into oxygen, so if you plant them in your lungs you can breathe without inhaling. thats just biology

[when the article i'm reading has a sentence i've already read bolded in large text] ugh i know. i already read that

[when the article i'm reading has a sentence i haven't read bolded in large text] wtf spoilers

interviewer: you can lead a horse to water??? that's sick. honestly if you can do one more thing regarding horses and water you're hired

me: so here's the thing

love when a game puts "Exit to Desktop" in red text and asks me if i'm sure. i'm not launching the nukes dude. i'm closing out of magic the gathering

when a tv has a remote: duh. obviously

when anything else has a remote: this is gourmet technology

psychic: im sensing someone in the audience who has a name starting with R

me (standing up): my name is Phil, did you mean me?

psychic: no

me (sitting down): wow he's good. my name doesn't start with R

my favorite demonstration of hubris is coin pusher machines at arcades. it's literally just a pile of quarters that other people have put in the machine while thinking "mines not gonna end up in there"

four out of five members who switched to your insurance saved money? wow that's really impressive. that or everyone who wouldn't save money didn't switch so they're excluded from your cherry-picked data haha. but probably just super impressive

the internet is a wonderful place to be if you like to read the exact phrase "phil collins didnt have to go so hard on the tarzan soundtrack but he did. he did that for us." once a week

me: man i love the taste of coffee. wish i could drink it later in the day without having sleeping problems

friend: you could drink decaf coffee

me: No

yoda or obi wan should have mentioned that palpatine loves to shoot lightning out of his hands. both of them are constantly giving Luke tips like "it's within your mind" instead of mentioning the very real Captain Thunder Fingers

you find Waldo in a coffin on page 11. the next page says "Part 2: Life Goes On." you can't seem to find him in the rest of the book. you go back to the beginning but he's not there either. you start to cry. you get hugged from behind. it's Waldo

i love how apple released a computer that came in four hundred neon colors, hit it big, and then made the exact same gray laptop for 15 years straight

doctor: just gonna test your reflexes

me: i don't think that'll be necessary. im a Gamer.

doctor: (hits my knee with the rubber mallet and it crushes my patella)

me at age 14: the only reason we think 10 and 100 are round numbers is because of the number system we've chosen to use. hexadecimal would fundamentally alter what we feel is "round"

me now (laughing so hard i can't breathe): grocerie's

what's that? it looks like my chickens are coming home to roost? that'll be nice! i've missed them. i've missed my chickens

i love piano benches cause the instrument is $800,000 and the seat is ikea

so ants are super strong cause they can lift 50 times their own body weight, huh? well i can lift 10,000,000 times their body weight. maybe more

i love when people do videos analyzing hidden details in films and just recite the plot

"Scar killing Mufasa was foreshadowed in Be Prepared, when Scar tells the hyenas 'we're gonna kill him.' shockingly, his 'meticulous planning' was for this very moment"