I mean, I always suspected I’m kept around because I’m useful for stuff. I can run an instance (even if I’m a shit sysadmin who can’t restore an Akkoma from a backup, and a shit moderator who thinks people should use “mute domain” more often), I can be a cash dispenser whenever someone needs that, I’ll mediate conflicts, I’ll check up on someone I think might be feeling down.

But I’m not a person with feelings and my own mental problems, nobody cares that I have diagnosed social anxiety and find any sort of even vaguely hostile human interaction absolutely dreadful, that I likely have some undiagnosed neurodivergence (that only comes up when I put highscores on online autism tests, or when an asshole of a therapist wanted to claim I’m not really trans and just fucked in the head). I was diagnosed and definitely not having clinical depression, but it doesn’t help with the fact that if I’m thinking of hanging myself only once per week it means I’m doing well (the norm recently was at least thinking of it literally every time I went to sleep, and making detailed plans every couple days).

I was meant to do my job quietly and without complaints. When I wanted to equally quietly run away and just be left alone, I wasn’t allowed that either, I had to stop and explain myself. But there was one precise and short way I was meant to do that, and then shut up again. I made the mistake of talking about my point of view more, and now I’m a monster for this. I never called anyone an “abuser” or “unstable” but who cares, I’m getting my ass whooped in public subposts for that anyway.

What the fuck did I even do to deserve this.

Good to know that I was right in thinking that I always need to consider other people’s feelings before mine, even if I feel hurt, because the one time I didn’t do it it’s the same as calling someone trash, and apparently I’m secretly a harasser too.

Okay whatever, this corpse of an instance will be put down for good today or tomorrow. I thought of trying to try some tests with backups while nobody is using it, but I can do it later on a throwaway akkoma instead.

Bye, maybe I’ll return to fedi later under some other handle. I don’t really have other means of communication after I nuked my discord account, but if anyone wants to keep in touch, email me at subtype(@)hollow.capital

@noricenolife @Josie on Akkoma you need to set the post type as either “Markdown” or “MFM” (the latter has more features like these on Misskey, but quotes are in both)

@ezio @mia Moderating a bunch of friends is worse tbh, when shit hits the fan you might find yourself losing your friends too :akko_badday:

(the above comment is entirely hypothetical and unrelated to my instance losing 2 out of 4 users recently)

@mer looks okay on my side (also akkoma)

“ADHD trans girl who picks fights, is often drunk, might agree to do magic at your house but will try to steal your bedsheet”

:what_cirno:

Carey Callahan was just profiled in the Washington Post as a detrans activist who’s supposedly a trans ally for testifying against a healthcare ban in Ohio. But why she’s opposed to the ban matters and it calls into question just how much she supports young trans people’s autonomy and access to healthcare.

This is Callahan in her own words: https://archive.vn/8H56W
Does this sound like someone who’s want to make sure trans kids have access to medical transition or someone who hopes that therapy will lead most trans kids to desist without transitioning?
“Currently, Ohio families benefit from pediatric programs that prioritize counseling over medical interventions, ensuring a comprehensive and careful approach to care. The majority of children who receive care from these programs don’t even progress to receiving puberty blockers or hormonal treatments. They receive skilled guidance that resolves their gendered distress without surgery.”

“Prioritize counseling over medical interventions”, “ resolves their gendered distress without surgery”, this isn’t too different from how proponents of "gender exploratory therapy" talk. Also note that in her op-ed she never uses the language like “trans youth”, “trans children”, etc, but instead uses language like “children discerning gender identity”. She never explicitly states that trans youth need access to medical transition but she does emphasis how most trans youth in Ohio don’t medically transition as if this is an ideal outcome.

She’s concerned that if the ban passes families with trans kids could move to states with “less cautious programs”, meaning less gatekeeping and easier access to medical transition. She claims that these “less cautious programs” are more likely to produce bad outcomes and have higher rates of detransition without citing any evidence to back this up.

She doesn’t want bans but she does want gatekeeping and therapy that will supposedly lead to less people transitioning. She doesn’t sound like an ally to me, she sounds like an opportunist using trans people’s desperation from facing healthcare bans from the Right to push her own agenda.