Wait…what?
The Onion
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
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Nom nom. Idiots believe the and the market crumbles
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I had to go through airport security recently. It was utterly surreal to have her racist ass telling me a god damned thing from 20 screens at once.
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It was decided in the morning “Melania Clones” group chat.
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No One Sure Why Kristi Noem Wearing Firefighter Helmet, Night-Vision Goggles, High Heels, Wet Suit
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Trump Imposes 50% Tariff On Companies That Just Feel Chinese
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from what i’ve heard japan is even worse, because the parents expect you to be reachable 24/7 and treat you like a servant. In the US the intrusion in your private life is less direct and personal, but still there because it’s expected to do stuff like grading and preparing new material on your won time (which is bullshit - if you work for a job you gotta get paid for that time IMO)
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No I mean our electoral system. I’m not saying voters aren’t at fault. They completely are.
But fear is a much more powerful motivator than hope or even the future. (Read: conservatives)
It’s much easier to get people scared about some nameless boogyman who is going to invade your house than it is to get people excited about a future of rainbows and lollipops.
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I’m getting into this habit as I’m getting older. I dont want that much and I rarely find stuff I really like, so when I do I just get multiple and I feel lucky I don’t have to go shopping for that item for years.
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System? Is that an euphemism for “voters”? Seems from your description that voters want money for police tanks, not school teachers. And then they end up having the day they voted for.
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Can’t even make fun of the American education system anymore, cause there is no such system left.
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Yup, buddy of mine managed to get his masters and a teaching certification while working in retail. Got a job teaching at a junior highschool and then ended up quitting after only two years. He took an entry level corporate IT help desk job and started off making more than twice as much as teaching with easily half the stress.
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Wait until the humor tariffs kick in…
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Public education alone would be the biggest factor at reducing crimes. But i guess you cant force children to work like you can with prisons.
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I knew a bunch of people [who] were teachers, but left for tech jobs…
I know someone who taught near San Fran at some posh high-paying private school for tech princes because her 4yr 🇨🇦 degree got her an excellent post.
Then she left, but not for tech. She met a guy and moved back to Sweden with him. She’s been teaching 5th grade for 22 years now, and is set to retire as a .SE resident on full pension. Him too. They’re young and their kids will almost be out of secondary school. They intend to do a LOT of rail travel.
I don’t know why US teachers stay on the job. There is demand and opportunity and safety in much better environments where they do pay almost acceptably for the job.
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Reality keeps raising the bar on how outlandish the story needs to be in order to clearly be satire.
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Schools don’t win elections. Public safety does. You can still win an election if you don’t fund a school but you won’t win an election if you’re “soft on crime”.
Just to put a finer point on it, “public safety” is a dog-whistle for “jackbooted thuggery targeting minorities.”
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I was talking to a friend of mine a while back who was interning with a state legislator. We got on the topic of bake sales for schools and my friend just about flipped his lid.
He went on a good 5 minute rant about how school budgets take these “bake sales” into account, with goals and measures. So in essence, if bake sales allow for states to lower the amount of money they would normally get. (Let’s ignore the fact that schools in affluent districts often have the time and resources to even have bake sales.)
No one wants to pay for schools. Schools don’t win elections. Public safety does. You can still win an election if you don’t fund a school but you won’t win an election if you’re “soft on crime”.
Our entire system is fucked up.
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