📲 🎧 NigeriaFM Video #talk: American Journalist, Presenter, and Documentary filmmaker, Abby Martin joins Ireti Bakare-Yusuf on #Borderlines --

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNlGSlGjZIY

We then got into trouble traipsing across cross-border fields, ending up in someone’s garden, trying to accurately follow the line where it left the river. « We are just trying to follow the invisible borderline» not surprisingly comes across as rather odd to people who are wondering if the walkers wandering into their land are a) lost or b) burglars! To be fair, none of this really makes any sense, does it? Other than as geographical poetry of the absurd. #borderWalk #geography #borderlines

Smile moment last night as we hopped into France to celebrate my lovely father-in-law’s 80th birthday, crossing by car at a place we have walked. I know all the slightest details of the borderline there, and the location of every stone. But politics also has daily rhythms that we forgot. When we wanted to go home, the border was shut. Ha! My daughter took one look at me and said “Ah, yes, Captain Geography…” 😂 I now have a new ironic title! #borders #geography #borderlines #politics #BorderWalk

#NarcissistDictionary: “I hate you!!!”

When a #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic or other #ClusterB variety pack says, "I love you" it doesn't mean "I love you" the way it does to a normal or a #codependent. Their declarations of love are intense, but superficial. “I love you means” they see you as all good in that moment.

A #NPD, #BPD or #HPD loves you when you make them feel good about themselves. They love you when they're getting everything they want. This is the pleasurable side of splitting.
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#Narcissists, #borderlines and #histrionics love the way toddlers and teens love. Their construct of you is dependent on their immediate ego and feelings states. This is why you can be their soulmate on Monday and by Thursday they’re sharing photos of themselves with their newest soulmate.

Just like kids often have a new #FavoritePerson every few months. The instant there's a disappointment, frustration or a new shiny object they drop their best friend.
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Alternately, "I hate you" actually means they hate you. Ultimately, narcissists hate everyone and respect no one. They hate you because:

• You see their limitations, flaws and pathology.
• You told them no.
• You held them accountable for lying or cruel behavior.
• You're not okay with their cheating.
• You don’t #enable them anymore.
• They can’t possess your goodness and talent.
• You didn't buy them a pony.

What does love mean to you? Does it mean suffering abuse to prove you're a good and loyal person? Does it mean allowing someone to hurt you in the hopes that they'll love you? What's your half of the equation?

If you’re confused because they ping pong between loving you and hating you, then be confused no more. These individuals are incapable of enduring mature adult love.

#AbuseHasNoGender

#NarcissistDictionary" "You're an emotionless robot!"

Of course, you're not really an emotionless robot. If a #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic partner or ex has ever accused you of being a robot it likely means that:

a) You’ve stopped telling the #NPD, #BPD or #HPD your
thoughts and feelings, because they weaponize them against you.

b) You’ve emotionally
detached and walk away from their #ClusterB threats, tantrums, rages, name-calling and victim playing.

c) You're freezing as a defense mechanism (i.e., fight, flight, freeze or fawn).

Relationships with #narcissists, #histrionics and #borderlines eventually devolve into an endless series of no-win situations, which can instill learned helplessness then despair.

You have emotions, but you've stopped sharing them because it isn't safe. Detachment is healthy in the face of repetitive, relentless pointless conflict. The healthiest choice would be to end the relationship and have friendships with people who don't mistreat and abuse you.

Ideally, detachment and disengagement is a temporary coping strategy while planning your exit. Long-term it's no way to live.

#AbuseHasNoGender

#Narcissists, #borderlines, #histrionics and the rest of the #ClusterB variety pack can be quite the historical revisionists. Yes, they're #PathologicalLiars in matters consequential and inconsequential. When they rewrite history, however, they almost uniformly transform themselves into innocent, rosy-smelling victims and portray their actual victims as villains.

Typically, they do this via a combination of #gaslighting, #projection, #DARVO, blatant lies, half-truths, distortions and reality TV quality acting. Even when the facts eventually come to light, they shamelessly deny, lie, cry, tantrum and obfuscate with #WordSalad.

While I understand this phenomenon in terms of their characterological pathology, I never cease to be amazed by their refusal to take #accountability especially once they’re fully exposed.

You've got video, audio or emails that prove the #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic partner’s or ex's lies and abuses? Spplffft! It doesn’t matter as far as the #NPD, #BPD or #HPD is concerned. They just tell more lies and play victim harder.

What they said or did last week, yesterday or two minutes ago is meaningless. They shake their Magic Victim 8 Ball and poof! It's time for freshly excreted self-serving lies.

They cry, pitch a tantrum, rage, pout and blithely ignore being fact-checked. They brazenly insist on their newest lies, distortions and false narratives and continue to deny, lie, gaslight and contradict themselves and anyone willing to listen to ever growing mountain of manure.

Then, when you point out the most recent pile of steaming, blatant BS, they're the victim and you're the asshole.

Narcissists, histrionics, psychopaths and borderlines don't see their cruelty, self-absorption, pathological lying and entitlement as bad. You deserve it. You make them do it. For that matter, anyone who holds them accountable is a bad, nasty person who's abusing them/victimizing them. It's completely backasswards.

Again, this is pure BS. The bad behavior is bad, not pointing out the bad behavior.

#AbuseHasNoGender

#Narcissists, #borderlines, #histrionics and other #toxicpeople flare up (like a bad case of hemorrhoids) more than their usual #drama and #fucknuttery during #Christmas, #Hanukkah, other holidays and special events. If your #FamilyOfOrigin has more than one #Crazy from the #ClusterB variety pack, you've probably come to dread the holiday season.

In numerous articles and videos, I’ve discussed how to survive the holidays with a #NPD/ #BPD spouse or ex with whom you share children. But what if the Crazy is your mom, dad, sister, brother or grandparent, etc? 

Are you EXPECTED to travel and pay homage to the Uber Golden Uterus Alles? Bend the knee to Narcaholic Dad? Soothe the savagely childish breast of your #BPD sister’s attention-seeking, holiday wrecking tantrums?

The key word is: EXPECTED. You’re an adult now. Have you ever considered that #NPD/BPD/ #HPD mom, dad, grandma, cousin, sister, brother, etc., can expect in one hand, #AdultTantrum in the other and see which one fills up first? ; )

Why do you visit? Why do you go? #fear, #obligation, #guilt (#FOG)? Financial dependence? #ApprovalSeeking in vain? #PeoplePleasing? In other words, what do YOU get out of it by visiting vs. not visiting?

Are your reasons healthy? Or do they perpetuate your #woundedchild #codependency? If no matter what you do is good enough, why not do what’s good for you and ignore the tantrums, caterwauling, #blame, guilt and #shame tactics instead?

Also, if #NORAD can track Santa, why can't they develop a #FlyingMonkey tracker? Just a suggestion, NORAD.