ME: Okayyyyy It's Monday 10:00 AM. I'm sending you 10 copies of this for the 2:00 staff meeting. I just need you to print these for me please.
PRINTER: Ok great
ME: ...
PRINTER: ...
ME: Where are the copies?
PRINTER: What copies?
ME: The copies of the document I asked you to print.
PRINTER: Error.
ME: What error?
PRINTER: It's a secret.
ME: Great ok, I'll just check your queue. Look, they're right there. Literally the first thing in the queue.
PRINTER: Error.
ME: There is no error.
PRINTER: I am taking a wellness break from the internet.
ME: No you're not, I'm reconnecting you.
PRINTER: In that case I'm just going to go have a little lie down.
ME: Nonono please don't
PRINTER: 😴💤
ME: Look please I just need these 10 copies then I swear you can do whatever you want the whole rest of the day.
PRINTER: Promise?
ME: Yes I promise.
PRINTER: Pinky swear?
ME: Yes! I Pinky swear please just print these 10 copies.
PRINTER: Best I can do is the first 3 pages of one copy
ME: That is literally worse than useless.
PRINTER: My toner is low.
ME: No it's not, I just changed it yesterday.
PRINTER: The cyan is low.
ME: You don't even need cyan this is a black and white docume— hey wait a minute you aren't even a color printer!
PRINTER: Sike I meant check my paper tray.
ME: I did. It's full.
PRINTER: Check my *other* paper tray.
ME: No. It's fine.
PRINTER: There is a paper jam.
ME: There is NOT A FUCKING PAPER J— you know what, fine. I'll just open and close the tray again. See if that fixes it.
PRINTER: Oooh yeah baby just like that.
ME: What?
PRINTER: What? Nothing.
ME: Is that better now? Can you just print the damn documents?
PRINTER: What documents?
ME: What docu— THE ONES IN YOUR QUEUE LOOK THEY'RE RIGHT THER— oh wait they're not there anymore where the hell did they go?
PRINTER: I'm going to have a little lie dow—
ME: DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING TRY TO GO TO SLEEP ON ME RIGHT NOW I'M HITTING PRINT AGAIN. TEN COPIES. RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
PRINTER: Wow cranky. Would you like me to print a test page?
ME: You know what? Sure. Print a test page.
PRINTER: Printing test page.
ME: Wh— just like that?? No need to check the toner? No phantom paper jams? You just... Print it??
PRINTER: It's what I do.
ME: What the fu—
PRINTING: Here are all 19 and a half copies of your document all at once.
ME: ...
PRINTER: Help the last page is jammed.
