Why I Don't Spend My Time Policing Language

I wrote above about the erasure of femininity and I stand by every word. However, just because something is "right" or "correct" does not mean that every action taken in service of it is useful, strategic, or even desirable.

Language does matter. It really does. However, how we engage with others matters a ton more than language does.

We are living through multiple overlapping crises, and I've had to ask myself what kinds of acts actually protect people, build solidarity, and help us survive.

It is easy to fill our voids, our existential dreads, with self-righteousness. It is a temptation to quicken ourselves by finding the faults in others, especially when we know a community can rally around us.

Working with compassion and empathy is much much harder.

I've chosen not to spend my time correcting or policing others language (including misgendering me) not because I think the words are harmless, but because I think there are more urgent and effective way s to confront those harms.

The reality is that language is fluid and changes. Often times that fluidity isn't kind or fair. In fact, it generally will reflect the zeitgeist, which is neither kind nor fair to the feminine now a days. However, the reality is that "guys" and "dude" are becoming gender neutral terms. We can critique what the flow says about us, but fighting it is sticking your finger in the dam.

And the only way to fight it is to be prescriptive about language. Insisting that there is a "correct", "proper", or "respectable" way to speak is classist garbage, and often racist classist garbage. Asking others to speak in a certain way is actually just asking for them to conform to your in-group affectations.

I despise leftist groupthink. I hated Latinx before it was cool, and don't like "folx" either. I'm not conforming. But more importantly, what asking others to do by conforming, is telling them they are _excluded_ from the group _unless_ they conform.

This is outward social pressure away from progressive voices. This is selective pressure and purity politics in a lesser form. Call outs are not a mechanism for social change, but instead a means of creating cohesive group identity and providing a psychological reward to the person who initiated the callout.

Remember, language is mostly inherited fro our family, community, and peer group. A callout, or policing someones language, is to critique their social identity. People will inherently become defensive. At best they robotically do as told, and engage in performative correctness without examining their values. This is not justice.

Worse, it can create blowback. We are living through dangerous times. Any act which makes someone afraid to speak up is an act of despicable evil. The creation of shame, confusion, or defensiveness; making people afraid in any way, is driving them into the arms of fascism. I worry that by overcorrecting on small things, we push people away from bigger and more vital conversations.

In trying to "win" the battle of words, we are losing the war.

Ultimately, I've become more interested in effective politics than theory. I'm increasingly focused on strategy over performance. What is the most effective way to prevent queer youth from dying? To keep trans people from being legislated out of existence? To prevent women from becoming cattle? To prevent the collapse of our ecosystems and to push back against the encroaching authoritarian hellscape.

When I am serious about what that takes, it doesn't involve arguments about casual language. The fight requires empathy, DIY know-how, mutual understanding, and trust networks.

So, yes. Gender neutral dude is fucked up. No, I don't care if you use it.

#dude #dudegate #LanguageMatters #Feminism #Trans #Empathy #CalloutCulture #FuckPurityPolitics #fascism