Yay! Happy hormoniversary to me.
It's a special #TransVoiceFriday as I add an audio clip to my recent entries of #HowToGirl where I've been writing about what I've learned in five years of hormone therapy for gender transition.

Okay... one more installment of "How to Girl" before my hormoniversary tomorrow.

If you haven't seen these and wondering what the heck I'm talking about the five year mark of me starting hormone therapy is tomorrow. And I've been reflecting on some things I've learned on this ride.

From my cisters I’ve learned of The Girl Code.  It’s unwritten although entries online would have you believe it is.  It isn’t necessarily handed down but it is.  You know it when you see it. There are some aspects that are vague and others that are as strong as if written on stone tablets.

These are some notable aspects for me.
— Women lift women up.  
We encourage each other and inspire each other.

— Women take care of each other and look out for each other.

— Women don’t let a guy (or for the lebesians… a woman) get in the way of friendships.

These are just a few of the things that I've learned and I find it really affirming and special that I've had other women do some of these things for me.

#HowToGirl

Here's my sixth entry on what I've learned about "How to Girl" as I come up on my five year mark of starting hormone therapy. Just a couple more left.

I’ve learned that acceptance of me as a trans woman (enby identity not withstanding) will sometimes come from the least expected people and refused/pushed back by those I thought would embrace me.  And I’ve learned that can be broadened to the experience of cis women as well, not just trans women. 

I've learned that women are put into a metaphorical box by society and if you don’t fit neatly into it often times you are ridiculed, accused of not "acting like a woman", told you’re too much, not enough, all of the above and that it's really fucking hard to be a woman.

But I've also learned if you’re lucky... some people will truly accept for who you are and lift you up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBqlDWHkdHk

#HowToGirl

Installment five of what I've learned in five years of "How to Girl" as I come closer to marking five years of hormone therapy.

I’ve learned about the patriarchy. That must make me sound inane and incredibly naive. But the best way I can describe it is it's reminiscent of the story from David Foster Wallace’s 2005 commencement speech at Kenyon College about two young fish. 

An older fish swims by and says, "Morning boys. How's the water?" Like those two fish asking themselves a minute later "what the hell is water?", I was so steeped in male privilege that came from a patriarchal society, I didn’t even know I had it.

I've learned there is a sort sisterhood among women that I can't help but think is there as a result of being women in a patriarchal society. And I feel accepted into it.

I've felt an acceptance from women online and in real life. I've had women young and old give me this sort of "knowing look" that says "I see you, sister." I've had women trust me with their stories and share their intimate experiences, fears, struggles and triumphs... as women with me, another woman. As I've had this bond with women get closer, the veil of my prior privilege slides away. And I've been able to see how patriarchy oppresses not only women but men, as well.

I hope I can right the wrongs I’ve done when I was living as a boy and man.  I hope I can do things that further the cause of equality for all of us.  And I hope to further true my moral compass along the way.

#HowToGirl

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC7xzavzEKY

So I guess this is my fourth installment of "How to Girl". These are posts on what I've learned navigating the world as a woman as I come up on five years of cross sex hormone therapy.

What I've learned during transitioning from men. From a LOT of cisgender, heterosexual men I've learned that a LOT of cis, hetero men are attracted to trans women despite a LOT of cis men's public opinion to the contrary about girls like me.

I've seen in public comment sections hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of comments on one trans woman's post. They will range from heart-eye and fire emojis to "you're beautiful" "marry me" replies to being gross and asking if she still has her pee pee to I want to ___________. Fill in that blank with the freakiest sex act you can think of, then add to that; in the woods, on a subway car, in a dog's kennel, in a display window in Amsterdam, etc.

And look I'm not here to shame anyone's freaky deaky they fantasize about or even actually do. That's not what this is about. It's not my jam but you do you, babe. No, this is about the fact that what I've learned and seen is that a LOT of cis, hetero men *are indeed* sexually attracted to trans women for a variety of reasons.

But the thing is society as a whole makes men feel ashamed for it. They don't speak up in our defense to their bros. They don't speak out against attacks from our governments. And all that shame and secrecy?... that sucks for both men and trans women.

#HowToGirl

p.s. Oh. And cis women?... now some cis women *love* trans girls. If they're gay or bisegzual they have no problem telling a trans woman she's attracted to her. Even straight girls who are confident in their sexuality will occasionally flirt with trans girls and give compliments but that's for another post... probably more about the Sisterhood of Women.

My five year hormoniversary is coming up soon and I've been reflecting on some things I've learned on this ride as I navigate the world as a woman.

I’ve learned from science that hormones are unbelievably powerful and have the ability to change the shape of trans and cis women. 

Watching my body change and soften has been amazing if nothing else from the objective view of science. I've learned that my body did in fact become weaker, its scent changed, my libido did drop and my body functions in ways that came as a surprise.

I learned that some things wouldn't change on my body. I'd have to learn to change my voice and seek out ways to permanently remove hair on my face for me to feel safe when moving in public spaces.

I learned that parts of my anatomy would shrink and function like the anatomy of a woman. THAT is weird. 😳

Also, boobs. However big or small, up, down, round or flat they might be...

boobs are pretty damn cool.

#HowToGirl

Earlier today i kind of spit out a short angry rant about my BizPartner and started off by saying "during transition I've learned..."

I thought I'd write some more on that because I have been reflecting on these things lately as I come closer to this milestone. So I thought I'd post a couple of these a day for the next few days.

My five year hormoniversary is coming up soon and I've been reflecting on some things I've learned on this ride as I navigate the world as a woman.

I've learned from some very strong, trusted women who have become dear friends...

that sometimes a woman needs to be called out when she’s being a shitty-ass, mean girl. And it’s perfectly acceptable to pull out that nasty C-word and hurl it at her in rare but justified force. 

There are some women who, for whatever reason feel a sort of competition with other women.  They try to tear other women down and/or police women in a negative way.  It’s human to compare ourselves to others and a difficult habit to break. I've learned sometimes when a woman is being especially egregious, you call her ass out.

#HowToGirl

My five year hormoniversary is coming up soon and I've been reflecting on some things I've learned on this ride.

From my trans sisters I've learned...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THE SUPPORT GIRLFRIEND OF DUDE'S WHO WON'T FUCKING GO TO THERAPY!!!

#HappyPride
#HowToGirl