#AskingAutistics Do you know how to flirt (whether you actively do it or not these days). This topic of #Flirting came up at our #AutismSupport group last night when someone asked advice on flirting. That made me realize that it's something I've never done.

I have always been able to show interest in a person I like when first meeting them, but they ALWAYS had to do the flirting and make the moves.

If I’m truly interested in a person and I feel a connection from under the mask (like my #IntenseInterests, I sometime let my true self show and that would be as close as flirting as I could get.

How about you #ActuallyAutistic folks out there?

In my experience, being #ActuallyAutistic affects relationships in an extremely challenging way. Lately, I’ve realized that there have been AT LEAST two kinds of people in my life.

There are those who found me deficient but either cute/nice and/or very useful. And then there are those who saw me as different, but smart & with many qualities.

The former were/are often condescending to me in their relationships with me, but because I like(d) the fact that they like(d) me, I felt that they were good friends, while in fact, they were toxic and took advantage of me.

The latter gave me allowances for my differences, gave me adequate responsibilities and challenges, provided me with support and accommodations, and allowed me to survive and grow.

It can be hard for an autistic person to sort these kinds of things out. But it’s a huge and critical difference.

I’m trying to weed out the former and to not make these friendships anymore. But it’s difficult bc such people are drawn to me, consciously for abusers & subconsciously for those with lots of psychological baggage (much more than “carry on” - if this baggage were real, they’d need a second aircraft just for the it.)

I often feel guilty for breaking up relationships w the former.

Pic: me by a blooming aloe. Plants are 1 of my #IntenseInterests.

It can be hard situating yourself as an #LateDiagnosed #ActuallyAutistic person. Especially if you don't have a knowledgeable person to discuss this with, like an #ActuallyAutisticTherapist.

As a kid, I was shy and hid behind my mother a lot when seeing people I didn't know. I was not very socially-oriented at a very young age. But my parents told me repeatedly that I should talk, make conversation, etc.

But they never told me I should listen also. So I monologued a lot about my #IntenseInterests or things my Dad would talk to me about. All kinds of things; I'd just repeat them to make conversation.

It wasn't until my late 20s, in a work training, that I learnt I was supposed to also listen. It's still an issue for me (monologuing), especially when I get excited about a subject I like, but I try to think of listening and I make notes about people's lives so I remember next time I talk to them. The sad part of this is that I remember little about so many people I love, about them early in life.

In job situations I tried to listen and make a lot of notes so I'd remember. #MakeLists people would say. I have had countless lists that became so long and unmanageable…

#LiterallyAutistic #LiteralInterpretation

Good morning from #Pasadena. A little bit cooler today with 🌞 & 29°c (84°F).

Trying to keep my mind from worrying about everything I see happening here and in the rest of the world. The best way for me to do that is to focus on #IntenseInterests like my dogs 🐶 🐩 🐕 & tortoise 🐢 as well as my #HomeAndGarden projects.

So I’m off to Home Depot & Ganahl to price some lumber for a fence project between our and my neighbor’s driveway, in our backyards.

Also did self-care including my 2x/day deep sinus rinse with saline and mucus solvent for #ChronicSinusitis because I can only feel good mentally when my body is healthy and feels comfortable. I also slept in till 7 and lounged around with my coffee for quite a while, working on being calm. I’m someone who almost always feel on edge so staying calm does take a lot of work.

Wishing everyone a great week!

Pic: me standing in front of my #BismarckPalm aka #bismarckia
#PalmLovers