A Vale Of Tear, In Musical Form
This is how I tick, musically speaking.
It is no mystery that I like to stim to music. My entire life is adorned with music. I bring music everywhere I can. Yes, even in the MRI machines that look at my brain to make sure my cancer hasn’t come back. If they allow me to listen to music during the MRI, then I listen to music during the MRI.
A lot of the music I listen to is emotionally charged in one way or another. Sometimes I cry just because the piece is arranged in a way that moves me to tears. Sometimes, however, I cry because of the lyrics, and how the piece came into my orbit around the time of a breakup. Or I cry because the song was one that made me think about a partner of mine, that has since become an ex.
So here are those songs that made me cry, and in some cases still make me cry. Most of these songs are related to the various relationships I had with my exes.
I’ve bolded the lines that are especially emotionally charged for me.
Wish I Knew You by The Revivalists
This one came around when I was talking about divorce with my ex-wife. She’s 20-years older than I am. The age gap hasn’t been a big problem during our time together, but sometimes it grips me. So yeah, I wish I had known her when she was young.
I’m now dating people quite a bit younger than I am. So this song is still relevant. I’m happy to have them in my life now, but I’d still would have liked them to know me when I was young.
You shine like a starYou know who you areYou're everything beautifulShe's hot, hot like the sunThe loneliest oneStill everything beautifulWell I'll be god damnedYou're standing at my doorWe stayed up in the cityUntil the stars lost the warSo Friday night, holy ghostTake me to your levelShow me the one I need the mostI need the mostI wish I knew you when I was youngWe could've got so highNow we're here it's been so longTwo strangers in the bright lightsOh I hope you don't mindWe can share my mood yeahTwo strangers in the bright lightsI wish I knew youI wish I knew youOh I wish I knew you when I was youngTruth, it's all that you needYou bury that seedIt's everything beautifulAnd that sound comes from the undergroundIt's all inside you nowIt's everything beautifulBut what you, what you, what you, what you running from?And they got, they got, they got, they got you on the run?So Friday nightHoly ghostTake me to your levelShow me the one I need the mostI need the mostI wish I knew you when I was youngWe could've got so highNow we're here it's been so longTwo strangers in the bright lightsOh and I hope you don't mindWe can share my mood, yeahTwo strangers in the bright lightsI wish I knew youI wish I knew youOh I wish I knew you when I was youngMaybe we can share my moodHmm hmm hmmMaybe we can share my moodHmm hmm hmmMaybe we can share my moodHmm hmm hmmI wish I knew you when I was youngWe could've got so highNow we're here it's been so longTwo strangers in the bright lightsOh and I hope you don't mindWe can share my mood, yeahTwo strangers in the bright lightsI wish I knew youI wish I knew youOh I wish I knew you when I was young
Source: LyricFind
Brother by Stuck In The Sound
This song came into my orbit a bit before my first breakup with a girl who was into BDSM. This sexual encounter was a revelation. It was the discovery of BDSM. Our encounter transformed me. We had made plan to meet again, but circumstances beyond our control dashed those plans.
The lyrics say she’s just a ghost, but it was her who ghosted me. She was neurodivergent, like I am, and did not see a way forward. So she shut the door.
God I need loveTime off for my tender fall, and nowGotta save a friend soul, you'll fix the broken me bro'God I need loveTime off for my tender fall, and nowGotta save a friend soul, you'll fix the broken me bro'Can't you see this? I'm a man without tomorrowShe's just a ghost, but I cannot stop myself from loving herCan you save me? I'm a man stuck here foreverGod I need loveTime off for my tender fall, and nowGotta save a friend soul, you'll fix the broken me bro'And now you'll broken meBroken meBro, broCan't you see this? I'm a man without tomorrowShe's just a ghost, but I cannot stop myself from loving herCan you save me? I'm a man stuck here foreverShe's just a ghost, but I cannot stop myself from loving herCan you save me?Can you save me?Can you save me brother?Can you save me?I'm a man without tomorrow
Source: Musixmatch
Into The Night by Nero
This one came into my orbit at the same time as the previous breakup I mention above. She thought I was going a bit fast.
Baby, let's drive into the nightJust get up and go, leave our worlds behindIt's so easy if you just say that you mightJust get up and go, leave it all behindBaby, I just wanna get it rightLet's just take this slow, I hope that you don't mindIt's so easy if you wait another nightJust go with the flow, leave it all behindJust go with the flow, leave it all behindJust go with the flow, leave it all behindBaby, let's drive into the nightJust get up and go, leave our worlds behindIt's so easy if you just say that you mightJust get up and go, leave it all behindBaby, I just wanna get it rightLet's just take this slow, I hope that you don't mindIt's so easy if you wait another nightJust go with the flow, leave it all behindBaby, let's drive into the nightJust get up and go, leave our worlds behindIt's so easy if you just say that you mightJust get up and go, leave it all behindSo baby, let's just get away the nightPack up all your bags, start another lifeIf we leave right now, we'll be there before it's lightDo you wanna go, leave it all behind?Baby, I just wanna get it rightLet's just take this slow, I hope that you don't mindIt's so easy if you wait another nightJust go with the flow, leave it all behindBaby, I just wanna get it rightLet's just take this slow, I hope that you don't mindIt's so easy if you wait another nightJust go with the flow, leave it all behindJust go with the flow, leave it all behindJust go with the flow, leave it all behind
Source: LyricFind
No Lullaby by Siamés
This is the first song linked to my relationship with the girl I call my greatest success and my greatest failure. I never go into relationships timidly. I simply adored her. In the end, she betrayed me. It just baffles my mind how great she was when we were at our best, and how awful she turned out to be.
Her background prior to knowing me was really hard. She had a tough childhood. No Lullaby is about two kids from a broken home, and for whom there is no lullaby. If you just look at the visuals, you’d think this is a happy song through and through, but the words. I remember crying in front of my girl when the music video for this song came up. I just couldn’t help it.
Blinding lights, thunder tremble packMuddy hearts, Beanie Babies liesThere's no lullaby in this nowhere landShining high, rumbles in the darkTorn apart, devil in disguiseThere's no lullaby in this nowhere landWhat's the meaning when you have a broken home, home, home?Where's the love when you were left on your own?So aloneTumbling dice, sentimental crapWho's the smart leading daily cries?There's no lullaby in this nowhere landWhat's the meaning when you have a broken home, home, home?Where's the love when you were left on your own?What's the meaning when you have a broken home, home, home?Where's the love when you were left on your own?So aloneAh-ahAh-ahAh-ahWhat's the meaning when you have a broken home, home, home?Where's the love when you were left on your own?What's the meaning when you have a broken home, home, home?Where's the love when you were left on your own?So aloneWho said you're on your own?
Source: Musixmatch
Magic by Mystery Skulls
This is a love song that was very meaningful to me. The world was telling me to give up on her. Heck, my very own father was telling me this. He did not realize how good she could be. Yes, she betrayed me in the end, but when we were at our best, it was like magic.
The spell you got on me, it's like magicGot me feeling like falling in loveGot me feeling like I'll never give up onGot me feeling like I'll never give up on youIt's like magicI got you feeling like you're falling in loveI got you feeling like you'll never give up onI got you feeling like you'll never give up onIt's like magicGot me feeling like falling in loveGot me feeling like I'll never give up onGot me feeling like I'll never give up on youIt's like magicI got you feeling like you're falling in loveI got you feeling like you'll never give up onI got you feeling like you'll never give up onMagic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic, magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic, magic, magic (oh)It's not the way you wear your hairOr you just crept out of bedOh, noIt's not the way you move your eyesSo, it took me by surpriseOh, noBefore this night is over, I pull your body closerI wanna give it to ya, I wanna get backBefore this night is over, I pull your body closerThe spell you got on me, it's like magicGot me feeling like falling in loveGot me feeling like I'll never give up onGot me feeling like I'll never give up on youIt's like magicI got you feeling like you're falling in loveI got you feeling like you'll never give up onI got you feeling like you'll never give up onMagic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic, magic, magic ohMagic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic, magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic, magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic, magic, magic (oh)Never give up on usNever give up on youNever give up on usNever give up onNever give up on usNever give up on youNever give up onNever give up on you, babyNever give up on usNever give up on youNever give up on usNever give up onNever give up on usNever give up on youNever give up onNever give up on you, babyThe spell you got on me, it's like magicGot me feeling like falling in loveGot me feeling like I'll never give up onGot me feeling like I'll never give up on youIt's like magicI got you feeling like you're falling in loveI got you feeling like you'll never give up onI got you feeling like you'll never give up onIt's like magicGot me feeling like falling in loveGot me feeling like I'll never give up onGot me feeling like I'll never give up on youIt's like magicI got you feeling like you're falling in loveI got you feeling like you'll never give up onI got you feeling like you'll never give up onMagic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic, magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic (oh)Magic, magic, magic, magic (oh)
Source: Musixmatch
Invincible by Mystery Skulls
This song is about the same girl. She was into BDSM. She wanted praise. So I gave her praise freely. The passage “You’re invincible, you’re unbreakable, and you’re capable/Whether you like it or not” was especially resonating with me.
InvincibleRight now and foreverAs long as we're still togetherThis could be paradiseInvincible (invincible)Right now and forever (forever, baby)As long as we're still togetherThis could be paradiseInvincible (invincible)Right now and forever (forever, baby)As long as we're still togetherThis could be paradiseInvincible (invincible)Right now and forever (forever, baby)As long as we're still togetherThis could be paradiseAre you seeing this?It's so much stronger than we thoughtYou're invincible, you're unbreakable, and you're capableWhether you like it or notAre you seeing this?You can move metal with your mind (your mind)And with your brain, it's stoppin' timeIt's like you're unstoppable(Invincible)Invincible (invincible)Right now and forever (forever, baby)As long as we're still togetherThis could be paradiseInvincible (invincible)Right now and forever (forever, baby)As long as we're still togetherThis could be paradiseInvincible (invincible)InvincibleInvincibleAre you seeing this?It's so much stronger than we thoughtYou're invincible, you're unbreakable, and you're capableWhether you like it or notAre you seeing this?You can move metal with your mindAnd with your brain, it's stoppin' time (oh)It's like you're on some god power (invincible)Invincible (invincible)Right now and forever (forever, baby)As long as we're still togetherThis could be paradiseInvincible (invincible)InvincibleInvincibleInvincible
Source: Musixmatch
Dying For You by Mystery Skulls
Same girl. I mentioned above adoring her, not wanting to abandon her, and not going into relationships timidly. I was ready to walk through the fires of hell for her, and I actually did walk through the fires of hell, but that was not enough.
[Chorus: Mystery Skulls]Would you die for me like I'd die for you?If it all somehow came down to this like a summer premonitionWould you die for me like I'd die for you?If it all somehow came down to this like a summer premonitionWould you die for me like I'd die for you?If it all somehow came down to this could you leave it with a kiss?[Post-Chorus: Both, Snowblood]I'd die for youI'm dying for youI'd die for youI'm dying for youI'd die for you[Chorus: Mystery Skulls, both]Would you lie for me like I'd lie for you?If it all came somehow down to this, would'ya do it?I'd die for youWould you die for me like I'd die for you?If it all somehow came down to this like a summer premonitionI'd die for youWould you die for me like I'd die for you?If it all somehow came down to this could you leave it with a kiss?I'm dying for youWould you die for me like I'd die for you?If it all somehow came down to this like a summer premonitionI'd die for youWould you die for me like I'd die for you?If it all somehow came down to this like a summer premonitionI'd die for youWould you die for me like I'd die for you?If it all somehow came down to this could you leave it with a kiss?[Post-Chorus: Both, Snowblood]I'd die for youI'm dying for youI'd die for youI'm dying for youI'd die for youI'd die for you
Source: Genius
Souk Eye by Gorillaz
This song came into my orbit when I was breaking up with the girl I’ve been talking about for the past few songs. Initially, I cried whenever this song came up. I no longer do, but my belly contracts whenever it comes up.
LA, why you're so complicated for me, twilightWaiting on the planet to turn to me, dark sideIf loving you's a felony now, then I'm a renegade, ridingTrying to find tomorrow ain't easy'Til you dive inWhy you rolling waves over me now, it's all I need, dreamingWaiting on LA to come find me, be forgivenI'll be a regular guy for you, I never said I'd do thatWhy you looking so beautiful to me now when you're so sad?I will always think about youThat's why I'm calling you backOn my way throughI wanna stay with you for a long timeI wanna be your stone, loveI wanna see it lay in your eyesWhen I'm leaving with your loveI will always think about youThat's why I'm calling you back'Cause I gotta run soonI will always think about youThat's why I'm calling you backOn my way through
Source: LyricFind
The Pink Phantom by Gorillaz
This song is a doozy. It also came into my orbit at the time of the breakup with the girl I’ve been talking about. For the first week after our breakup I cried almost nonstop from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. Whenever this song came up, I was crying anew. I still cry to this day whenever it comes up.
This is a multifaceted song, but one aspect of this song is that it is about a breakup. The lyrics of this song also reflect the story between my girl and me. I did put her name “in my rhymes,” so to speak. I’m a writer, but not a songwriter. However, I wrote about her in my prose under an assumed name.
I also tried to give her everything she might need. I went to NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) for her. People I talked to were literally falling off their chairs when I told her I had been her boyfriend for only four months. Family members are typically not this fast.
In the end, she betrayed me.
You've more or less forgotten me this summerI can't hide my disappointmentI was on my way in the Phantom VThe one you gave awayTry to tell you that I love you but I'm choked upYou forgot and that makes me feel like no one (summer nights)Were you even really there?Did you ever really care?Wait, I got so many examples of all of the good times we hadLong summer nights (summer nights)Held you a long time, put your name in my rhymesRefresh your memory of where you wanna beThe Phantom's on the way, she's comin' down the streetI tried to get to AtlantaOn a peach blossom highwayI'm tryin' to put these puzzles out of mindIn a sky made of diamondsWhere the world fell silentI'll be waiting for you on the other sideSummer lights (everyday, everyday)Sometimes (ride where the summer goes)Summer nightsEvery nightSummer nightsI tried to say I love youBut you didn't listen (summer nights)I tried to give you everything you might need (summer nights)In a sky made of diamondsAnd where the world is flawlessI'll be waiting for you on the other sideOf summer lights, summer lightsHold it in for a long timeSummer lights, seems to me I'm in a dreamBehind these summer lightsThe Phantom is comingYou forgot and that makes me feel like no oneShe's crossing over the lineWait, I got so many examples of all of the good times we hadSeems to me I'm in a dream (long summer nights, I loved you a long time)(Put your name in my rhyme, refresh your memory)Behind these summer lights(Of where you wanna be, the Phantom's on the way)(She's comin' down the street)Sometimes
Source: LyricFind
White Flag by Delta Heavy
This song also came into my orbit around the time of the same breakup. This one is more like a yearning on my part. I wanted her to come back and to tell me that she’s sorry. She was a submissive girl, and one of the things that good submissive people do is surrender to their Dom. She did it beautifully at the height of our relationship.
One nightOne more chance to say I'm sorryAnd I can't believe a lieSay you need meOne nightOne more chance to say I'm sorryAnd I can't believe a lieSay you need meWave the white flagI surrender, I surrender, I surrenderWave the white flagI surrender, I surrender, I surrenderI surrenderI surrenderOne nightSay you need meOne nightI surrenderOne nightOne nightOne nightOne nightWave the white flagI surrender, I surrender, I surrenderWave the white flagI surrender, I surrender, I surrenderI surrenderI surrenderOne nightOne more chance to say I'm sorryAnd I can't believe a lieSay you need meOne nightOne more chance to say I'm sorryAnd I can't believe a lieSay you need meOne nightOne nightOne nightOne night
Source: Musixmatch
There you have it. There are more songs that make me cry, but I’m saving them for a future article… maybe.
#AutisticWriters #breakups #music #MusicVideo #relationships #stimming #StimmingIsLife #YourAutisticLife
https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2023/12/31/a-vale-of-tear-in-musical-form/
