Lmst

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats with apologies to margaret killjoy.

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a cat with stripy brown spots holds a knife in its teeth and thinks "ask not to be safe from your enemies, but to be a threat to them."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say (to the tune of purple rain) soup for brain, soup for brain.

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a cat with striped spots sits and thinks "don't expect much, i have soup for brain."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say never love no shovel.

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a tuxedo cat sits and thinks "effort is what you spend on things you love. work is what you do because they pay you."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say we don't know how much time we have left on this world, so we should get real weird with it.

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a cat with a third eye and a tab of acid on it's tongue is ringed with multicolored fields of energy and thinks "when your body fails you'll wish you abused your mind more."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats get to post the city noise ordinances on the door of the garage today for the narc-neighbor. failing the appeal to his love of law, i will attempt to get him to drink beers with us.

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a cat with brown spots blows a raspberry and thinks "those who claim to love 'law' and 'order' are least likely to actually know it."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say why can't people just be normal?

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an orange striped cat smiles and flips the double bird and thinks "instead of hating immigrants, just hate yourself like a normal person."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats are still so pissed about that fucking neighbor. if he comes back i'm going to force him to drink beers with us.

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a striped cat holds a machete and thinks "why call the cops when i could call you an ambulance?"

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say a neighbor threatened us with calling police on band practice last night and i was so pissed off i couldn't sleep.

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a black and white cat scowls and sits and thinks "people who call the cops want them to kill you."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say once you drill down you'll discover that most of the suffering we endure as a society is the direct consequence of the existence of global oligarchy.

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a black and white cat sits and thinks "take less than you need and give more than you can spare so rich assholes can live in obscene luxury."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say please god make awful things happen to these fascist fucks.

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a black and white cat wields a makeshift flamethrower (spray can and lighter) and thinks "melt ICE."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say turns out your blood is the most valuable natural resource, and it will be extracted from you until you are drier than the desert.

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a striped cat sits and thinks "the rich suck your blood then call you lazy when you pass out."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say make sure you throw them hard enough that the glass breaks.

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a cat with stripy spots smiles and sits next to a bottle with a rag wrapped around its neck and a lighter and thinks "teach kids to make & throw molotovs."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats will leave their meat sheath behind to desiccate under the poison sun while their wetware basks in consumer grade 4k VR gacha-game glory, because there will be nothing to do and nowhere to go and nothing to be. only here, in here, where there is no here, and no nothing, and no anything.

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a drooling cat wears a VR headset and holds a small controller and thinks "there is no 'here' here."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say maybe this is the one that gets me black bagged. anyway, fuck ICE, fuck the police, close all prisons, dissolve all borders, abolish all laws.

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a cat with striped spots sits and thinks "if there were good guys with guns, there would be more dead ice agents."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats ate a huge fucked up quesadilla at 1 am and i don't think this indigestion is ever going away.

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a white cat with yellow eyes, pink nose and pink tongue sticking out sits next to a beer, a pipe with some weed in it, and a couple lines of cocaine and thinks "when your mind starts to fail, you'll wish you'd abused your body more."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats been thinking a lot about microplastics lately. no particular reason.

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a black and white two-face style cat with a pink nose and a pink tongue sticking out holds up a yellow and orange nerf-style pistol with a scope and thinks "when i die, use my microplastics to 3-d print a gun."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say if you doubt that the US education system is weaponizing ignorance, remember that George W. Bush gave me a presidential commendation on my GED. i wiped my ass with it and threw it out the window of my car on the way home.

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a cat with jagged orange patches sits and thinks "it's not my fault i'm stupid; i'm american!"

good evening, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats say i got 99 problems and all of them are caused by the people in charge being incompetent, malicious, or both.

work whooped my whole ass today. thank you for your patience.

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a striped cat sits and thinks "the world isn't gonna get better til the people in charge get deader."

good morning, enjoy a crime cat.

#TheCrimeCats can't believe there's just a whole huge part of the population who can't stop thinking about who gets to piss where, they'll ship their kids off to the technopervert castle for a chance to make someone they've never met miserable.

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