EVERY COMPANY: heyyyy girl
ME: what's up
EVERY COMPANY: we've got a new feature for you!! 😀
ME: what is it
EVERY COMPANY: it's a brand new feature you're going to love it
ME: is it AI?
EVERY COMPANY: it... what? nooo...
ME: it's AI isn't it.
EVERY COMPANY: it's... not... not AI
ME: no I don't want it
EVERY COMPANY: but you haven't even tried itttt
ME: yes I have. it's horrible. i hate it.
EVERY COMPANY: but gurrrl those were the other AIs. our AI isn't like other AIs. our AI is ✨special✨
ME: no it's not it's the same shitty LLM just rebranded for whatever company
EVERY COMPANY: but that's what makes it ✨special✨
ME: oh fucking hell
EVERY COMPANY: our AI is named "Bob". bet you haven't talked to an AI named Bob yet have you? eh? eh? pretty special right?
ME: what the fuck no I do not want Bob the AI. just let me use your product without it.
EVERY COMPANY: oh no you can't do that
ME: why not?
EVERY COMPANY: because Bob AI makes everything easier.
ME: name one specific thing Bob the LLM makes easier
EVERY COMPANY: well he uh... um...
ME: ...?
EVERY COMPANY: uhhhh...
ME: ...?
EVERY COMPANY: he's your friendly helper.
ME: I don't need a friendly helper. I just want to use your product.
EVERY COMPANY: but we spent so much moneyyyyy on himmmmm you just gottaaaaaa
ME: no, I'm uninstalling Bob right now
EVERY COMPANY: oh no no no we can't let you do that
ME: I can't uninstall the AI?
EVERY COMPANY: no of course not
ME: and why not?
EVERY COMPANY: because then how would you possibly use Bob AI?
ME: I just told you I won't be using Bob the AI.
EVERY COMPANY: but how would we help you if you need help?
ME: literally any other way. call me, email me, text me, hell snail-mail me if you have to. plenty of customer service options to choose from.
EVERY COMPANY: oh we couldn't possibly do any of that
ME: and why would that be??
EVERY COMPANY: oh because we fired our customer service department. it just wasn't in the budget this year.
ME: and why not??
EVERY COMPANY: well to pay for Bob AI of course!
ME: I'm throwing your product in the trash. don't ever contact me again.