I just wrapped up watching Star Wars with my partner. Sheâd never seen the movies, and Iâd always wanted to try Machete Order with someone whoâd never seen, so we did that.*
My takeaways from the experience:
- If youâre also thinking of springing Machete Order on someone, donât. The transition from â70sââ80s film aesthetics to â90sââ00s, then back, then to â10s film aesthetics gave us whiplash. Also, the reveal in V that inspired Machete Order just isnât all that surprising or emotionally compelling as delivered. The emotional punch Machete Order promises lands even weaker when we go back in time to see how Lukeâs dad came to be the Emperorâs attack dog. (See my next point.)
- Anakin was always an ass. Okay, not in I, but certainly in II and III. Whiny, ungrateful, quick to anger, and brimming with stalker-level creepiness for PadmĂ©, heâs an unlikeable dude before he even commits his first mass murder. The quality of Anakinâs character makes the romance entirely unbelievable, especially juxtaposed as he is by PadmĂ©. Not even the galaxyâs best dark space wizard dick a woman can get makes that pairing believable.
- Fuck the Jedi. Cops. The Jedi are dogmatic, incompetent, laser-sword wielding space wizard cops. My childhood was a lie.
- Disneyâs trilogy is the best trilogy. Fighting words*, I know, but itâs the truth. Is each entry of the Disney trilogy basically just a retelling of each entry in the original trilogy? Yes. A better telling, with a more diverse cast playing more interesting characters with much greater skill and much-improved acting and AV effects. Furthermore, the repetition of some story elements are easily justified in a fantasy context and against the backdrop of a cyclical struggle between the light and dark sides of some all-pervading space magic. Granted, none* of the films are really all that great, so the bar was set low for Disney.
TL;DR
If youâre thinking of Machete Order to introduce someone to the Star Wars movies, donât. Start and end with the Disney trilogyâyou really donât need any more of the Skywalker Saga than that.
Our expanded play order was Andor, Rogue One, IV, V, I, II, III, VI, VII, VIII, and IX. **Donât fight me. This is all just in good fun, just my opinion, and Star Wars* is just another brand. Donât take anything you read here personally or too seriously. Feel free to disagree, but be nice. I will block you if it seems to me that youâre looking for a fight in the comments.
