Learning to control my emotions n shit. #dbttherapy

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#MentalHealthMatters #SelfCareTips #Mindfulness #GreaterBostonBehavioralHealth #StressRelief #EmotionalWellness #CBTTherapy #DBTTherapy #MentalWellness

#dbttherapy I’ve been in traditional therapy since my twenties trying to overcome my childhood. One therapist said ppl w my experience never fill the hole they are left with. My beautiful, extraordinary daughter walked over w my beautiful, extraordinary granddaughter. After they left, I thought ab how I must have been just like my granddaughter when I was a baby and I don’t understand all over again and the gaping hole swallowed me.

#dbtTherapy I finally went to IKEA and I had to use skills. I started getting anxious in the traffic, but I managed to observe it away. IKEA was IKEA. As social distortion put it: my [public place] skills just ran out. We had a drink before going home and now I’m in bed, watching TV. Hard day

#dbtTherapy I think I lost a friend.Before I met my husband, my friends were the desperately unhappy, the other, & the angry. We did the fun stuff that the desperately unhappy, the other, & the angry ppl do.Then, I met my husband & the passion of the pain diminished.My relationships w them fizzled out.
This friend is an angry person & we bonded. She’s a professional, determined woman & believes her anger is her superpower. She’s awesome, smart, & funny. I’m ok now & she’s ghosting me. I miss her

#dbtTherapy Listening to a podcast. Husband went to Home Depot on his own. I feel much better. I might take a nap later. Thank goodness. I feel ok for now and it feels very fragile.

#dbtTherapy I went for the diver’s reflex and took a cold shower and exhausted myself on the treadmill. That’s a really good combination for me. I’m supposed to go to Home Depot with my husband, but I think that’s out. Idk - is this a willingness issue or a self care issue?

#dbtTherapy After my grand declaration yesterday, I woke up feeling bad and at this point I’m in tears. I’m so stressed and I don’t know why. I once heard someone say “I don’t know my own secrets.” I don’t either and it’s hurting.

#dbtTherapy DBTTherapy: next week is the formal end 2 the DBT program. I’m going 2 see one of the trainers once a month going forward. It’s been incredibly hard & painful. I’ve never worked so hard for such high stakes. I’m lucky I’m used to focusing on a goal. What was new were the concepts. I had trouble understanding at first, but once I was farther along, I could see the connections. I will feel shattered & desperate again. No choice in that, but I’m feeling good most of the time now.

#DBTtherapy Last week my therapist solved a prob that my husband & I have been fighting ab 4 years. My husband likes 2 advise me on how 2 fix problems in my areas of expertise. For ex., never having made bread or used a bread machine, he still felt qualified to give me directions.

Therapist: what do you want 2 happen?
Me: I want him 2 shut up & go away.
Therapist: why don’t you ask him 2 please sit down in the living room until you get it sorted out?
Me: head explodes

#DBTtherapy I have a hard time accumulating the positive. I have memory issues on top of being raised 2 pay more attention to the negative. Confirmation bias. I created a worksheet to track even the most mundane positive event. So far I have visiting my daughter, having my bread come out well, waking up w/o painful thoughts first thing, etc. I’m pretty desperate about this. I’m suffering for no reason other than confirmation bias. I think this low hanging fruit in terms of impact. #mentalhealth

#dbtTherapy This process is so odd. Going up and down from the depths of despair to the new feeling pretty good some of the time is a strange way to be. I’m bipolar 2 so I’m used to cycling from really bad to maybe ok. Feeling good is new and unexpectedly difficult to admit. Like I have a vested interest in feeling horrible all the time. Great. Something new. I feel like I’m a fractal of issues. If I look closely at an issue I can see more issues. It doesn’t stop.

@SusanLeeLaw @mat@mindly.social @Blank @Albertone @sunnywillow @depression @mentalhealth @mat
You’re right. Depressed ppl often feel isolated and unseen. They are constantly told to cheer up and move on. Very few ppl can do this on their own. Talking ab depression helps to see alternative ways to view your experiences and techniques to help you to be happier. #dbtTherapy

#dbttherapy: I haven’t posted much bc I’m trying to transfer to a different server. I’ve been having a tough time. The anorexia came back so did the abandonment issuses. I’m sleeping a lot and I think the emotion I’m feeing is fear. It sounds pat, but I think I might be having problems with my self image. I think maybe that I’m not happy with giving up my identity of as someone who needs help. What happens if I don’t need help? Will there be an expectation that I can’t meet?

#dbtTherapy I’m in quiet crisis. I feel there’s a huge wave out there ready to sweep me away and then I’ll be gone. I’m overwhelmed by all the effort to heal. The skills and principles are mixed up in my head and I’m feeling like I’m disappearing into the chaos in there. I used skills to figure out what’s wrong, overwhelmed, and it may be a case of tolerating the emotions. I’m trying to accept that it’s ok to be a shitty housekeeper and that it’s ok to take care of myself first.

#dbtTherapy Unusually, I felt better after therapy. I finally talked ab #anorexiarecovery with her. I thought I had put this behind me last year. I just felt so stupid. I was dieting and I essentially stopped eating w/o noticing. Losing weight again really scared me. I got very, very sick last year and I don’t ever want to go back there. It’s just that hunger feels safe. I have work to do.

#dbtTherapy I’m struggling right now. The anorexia is raising its ugly head, I’m sleeping ab 13 hrs a night, I have to turn my mind from stuff that hurts often, I’m having trouble w focusing, and I’m unable to remember things like instructions or descriptions for longer than ab 15 sec. I’m getting sick of asking ppl what we were talking about or to restart their story. I have no idea why this is happening. My therapist says to keep working w self soothing and effectiveness.

#dbtTherapy I hadn’t realized how much music affects me. I listen to music all day on most days. I love podcasts, but if I listen to too many at once, I get lost in my head and it can take a day or two to recover. Music pulls me back into the present. I’ve been willful ab the podcasts bc I love them, but listening too much is not effective.

Just realized I used a hashtag for something entirely different. It should have been #dbtTherapy
I’m going downhill again. Now begins the fear of painful emotions to come and the fear that this will never end. I can’t identify what emotions I’m feeling. It all morphs into one big mass. I’m scared that I’m starting the cycle that ends in a crisis. Please let this stop.

My kid struggles with #ocd #anxiety #depression and I believe we’re on a good path with her now with meds and #dbtTherapy but her #inattentiveadhd #ADHD makes school almost impossible. Consequently I am *struggling* not to fail her as a parent.