Last night was a roller coaster of emotions.
In specific to one thing that happened, I was playing Gundam Evolution. Jumped into discord voice chat, and a couple of people that I played against during the community league I was in for the last few months of the games "official" life. We talked, reminisced, and it was a lot of fun.
One of the players was actually the one who created the league in the first place. So I.........asked what he knew that happened specifically around me during the league, where a former teammate and friend called me trash, which destroyed my self esteem, and tried to turn me against my team. Now I didn't say specifics, I just asked what he knew. He said he didn't know what happened, didn't hear any rumors that I started any drama. But.....he apologized that it even happened to me. I don't know if he was telling the truth, but it at least made me feel good inside that someone I never talked to while the game was actually alive wanted to keep playing and talking with me.
The night went on, a few people left, including said person. And then a few others joined. Including the person who betrayed me. The person who said a two weeks ago wanted to send an olive branch. I should have left voice chat. I should have just muted him. I already have him blocked on discord, but discord still allows you to hear people unless you also mute him. But instead of doing those things, I stayed in chat. Because I wanted him to say something to piss me off. I wanted to yell at him. To make him feel how I felt. And to do it in front of other people. But nothing happened.
I feel like an asshole. What is wrong with me.
#GundamEvolution #gundam #neurodivergent