#HelioFuryCore #HDRTTE #SolarFlareTech #RotaryControl
#DIYEnergy #PostApocalypticDesign #NuclearAesthetic
#SciFiSatire #ManxSkunkworks #NotQuiteLegal
#RetroTech #MastodonMadness #ArtisanalRadiation
#OffGridNonsense #BuiltInAShed #QuestionableEngineering
#SolarFlareVibes #SSDGlowUp #RotaryOnly #ColdWarCore
📘 HELIOFURY CORE™ Mk.I USER MANUAL
A Personal Solar Flare Energy Assimilation & Archival Node
Model: HFC-MK1-R75
Control Interface: ROTARY ONLY
Status: Questionably Legal in 37 Countries
🔧 INTRODUCTION
Congratulations, user.
You are now the proud custodian of the only known civilian device capable of harnessing solar flares for personal power, artistic expression, and mild suburban disruption.
The HelioFury Core™ should be operated responsibly, or at the very least dramatically.
📦 INCLUDED IN THE BOX:
(1) HelioFury Core™ main reactor unit
(1) Rotary Telephone, pre-bound to quantum flare interface
(1) Solar Plasma Sensor tripod
(2) Radiation warning decals
(1) Lead-lined Operator’s Apron (one size fits none)
(0) Instructional morals or disclaimers
⚡ BASIC SETUP:
Place the Core no closer than 3 metres from vulnerable electronics, pets, or unshielded humans.
Connect rotary interface using the provided quantum coil.
Dial “0” to initiate active flare monitoring mode.
Await tonal confirmation hum (≈ 432Hz).
Proceed only if the phone does not ring. If it does, evacuate.
🌀 OPERATING MODES (DIAL CODES):
Dial Code
Mode Name
Function Description
111
FLARECATCH
Captures active solar events and EXIF metadata.
666
RADIANT NIGHTMARE
Enables HDR-TTE Mode. Causes glow.
420
VIBE ONLY
Emits low-frequency ambient energy for vibes.
999
PANIC
Immediate shutdown. Deploys calming steam.
🚨 WARNINGS:
Do not aim the Core at populated areas, large animals, or anything you’d rather not vaporise.
Exposure to the rotary interface for prolonged periods may cause temporal slippage.
Answering the rotary phone during operation may result in unwanted enlightenment or spontaneous licensing issues.
If your SSD begins humming in Morse, politely thank it and disconnect.
🔄 MAINTENANCE:
Wipe down reactor housing monthly with a lead-safe cloth.
Update firmware by yelling “REVEAL THE SUN’S TRUE FORM” into the microphone.
Replace rotary unit after major CMEs, strange dreams, or if the dial starts moving on its own.
📝 WARRANTY INFORMATION:
There is no warranty.
Use of the HelioFury Core™ constitutes acceptance of all liability, electromagnetic or spiritual.
Returns not accepted once unit reaches critical output
