i'm suddenly reminded of the time when i had a big argument with a non-binary fem presenting afab (who was still identifying as a cis woman at the time, which i feel is important as to the context of this story) friend of mine because i confessed to them that i wanted to shave my armpit. and they got genuinely upset at me about that. when i confessed that to them, i thought i was gonna get support and instead they just judgmentally answered with a "really?" and then proceeded to tell me that i was disappointing them. like i was suddenly betraying principles of feminism or whatever.
my body hair, and especially the hair on my armpit and on my legs, have consistently been one of the biggest sources of dysphoria in my entire life. it's so bad for me that it is a vicious cycle which i am currently in again, where i feel extremely dysohoric to the point where i can't even shave it. it's a self-feeding dysphoria. it's why when i was younger i would wear long pants and even long sleeve in the middle of summer. i couldn't stand to have my legs visible. but god forbid i shave them because feminism is about women being proud of their fucking body hair, apparently.
and of course, we have to be upset, point at and blame the transfeminine girl drenched in dysphoria in the room for failing feminism. because you see, she's a woman, sure, whatever, but she is not being a woman the right way. i also feel the need to say that this was coming from someone who have close to no body hair naturally. so yeah, it's easy to live by your principles when you don't even have to fucking do anything to do so. and damn, what a principle it is.
writing this and feeling upset as i'm doing it, i realize that i've been thinking about this memory quite frequently actually and that it has been a hindrance to me shaving my body and a wound on my sense of self as a transfeminine person.
#transmisogyny #transfem #dysphoria #feminism
