Newsflash #Mastodon I'm still unhoused and in danger

That's all

Toot

kofi: sabilewsounds
PPal: SabiLewSounds
Linktree: sabilewsounds
🐇
Vnm: toadlyturtle
CA: toadlyturtle
*Add note* "Sabi"

Please share‼️⬇️⬇️

RE: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:udzdncz54fsj2spg24u33wj2/post/3m7kzbiigy22z

When I’m like “ooh look the moon” I remember that someone once told me “the way you look at the moon is the way your innermost you (your soul if you call it that) is looking at you all the time.” 🌙

RE: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:24xmtazrkaxh7kwx2ehginec/post/3m7k2hymxas2i

People are human. People are not machines to be perfected and run at peak performance speeds constantly. WTF ever that even means because the bar always moves again. People are flawed. This is a chance to love them anyways. Not at the expense of our own wellbeing, but in service to it.

When children aren’t allowed to really participate in society we live in societies that only provide for those performing excellence or what is the ideal of “ADULTHOOD” Our nervous systems can quite literally conditioned to be impatient, cold, short, punitive, perfectionist, paternalistic, etc

This is just something to remember. It’s the “holiday season” A lot of people are activated & that’s okay. Not everyone will be able to regulate & that’s okay. Not everyone will want to celebrate & that’s okay. Not everyone will be willing to be vulnerable & that’s okay.

Even if you eat me you will run out of food

Even if the machine takes me first you will perish

Even if you hide in the circus sickness is at your feet

Despair and fear and shame strip love from the flesh of reality

Death never loses its sting
she is darkness and mystery
she dwells in every breath
she births hope and renewal

Her sweet kiss burns the living
but as she sweeps in with her peace and rest

Death feeds life
She is the beginning

https://ko-fi.com/sabilewsounds

#SabiLewSounds #Phoenix

Brown Disabled #Indigenous Latina family, homeless; mourning loss of Little Man (ESA bun)

#SabiLewSounds is a disabled 24/7 caretaker for elderly mom w/ #Dementia; multidisciplinary artist #Disability & #MentalHealth advocate

As of 12-10-25 11:00 AM ET
$3,598 Needed
$2,485 Past Due
$2,114 min to avoid fees
$650 more Due in 6 Days

https://Linktr.ee/SabiLewSounds

KOFI/PYPL SabiLewSounds
CA/VM toadlyturtle (Note: Sabi)

@kshernandez

$2,539 is Past Due, $15 accrues daily as we are several weeks behind, $650 is added every Tues until our reservation ends 12/30 then idk whatever impending doom

That's it, that's the rant and I'm sure the message will be missed AGAIN by the person(s) I am trying to connect this with...

Alas that's how it is

My focus in writing this has made my mom get very agitated and upset - this happens a lot

Remember that for the times I'm not here or anywhere saying anything about anyone or not boosting who I CHOOSE to boost with heavy discretion of how it will effect my traumatized mind because hurting me = ded Mom

I sure af am tired of feeling like I need to hide who I am for "friends" to give a shit about what's happening to me day to day or even take initiative to stand up for me on my behalf

Truly it has been the unconditional and ongoing care through autonomous self sovereignty that I have gotten from my lover @Toadlyturtle and my closest dearest friend @tulsalien.bsky.social that has taught me what it even feels like to be loved at my weakest and my strongest moments

Ability is fluid

I am #NeuroResisting long before I even endured #DV abuse from my mother's womb, inherented #trauma from my ancestors both paternal and maternal

#Facism marked my people long before anyone reading this was born it has & never was about #Trump or #Project2025 or whatever tf delusion comfy people want it to be about

I don't tip toe around trends and holidays to say what I need to say

On top of my struggle with self advocacy this lead to my #eviction

I refuse to keep hiding who I am to survive

I'm well aware that because of this I am unpalatable to the masses

It would be so fucking easy to watch all my goals get met is I was a fawning, cheery, feel good little bubble of toxic positivity

That horse shit isn't #SabiLewSounds it never was, never will be

While I always wanted to push life and love to others blowing smoke up people's ass was never that

The harsh reality of #facism is that #eugenics and #colorism is alive and always was

I was never acceptable to this world

Did I say something? I post about my CPTSD surrounding advocacy, I blog about it, I rant about it here on #Mastodon

I make notes and put warnings everywhere, I tell people after their 1st violation of me, I often make another announcement about it

People I consider to be close hear about it

So at this point anyone I've talked to privately for several months seemingly not knowing about my needs is just performaning connection

I'm not here for delusions
I'm always about #Authenticity

🔪

I lost my greatest anchor to reality and physical source of comfort just barely a month ago

I'm dissociating and navigating my loss, my mother having loss EVERY FEW HOURS looking for Little Man our #ESA and people who have known me for more than a year are have the audacity to bypass my condition, my pain and suffering to cross my VERY PUBLIC BOUNDARIES

While my needs perpetually go unmet

This is not okay, again my partner is brought up if I say something

People asking me for help I can't give so I offer to delegate - oh that person is "doing too much"

What's the "too much" that THOSE people know about, MAKIN SURE I KEEP THIS BS HOTEL while I was medicating my ESA every few hours, trying to keep Mom calm with every change of routine without sleep

How can I not feel unseen, unheard, unimportant and UNLOVED!?

How can I not keep my core wounds from bleeding out when my entire life Mom was beat and verbally abused just for being a mother to me?

You don't have to say it to show your lack of legitimacy. I'm used to liars, I survived reading their BS

I'm tired of being hypervigilant for every fucking word I ever say publicly

"Will so and so think they shouldn't care for themselves of my need is *greater*"

I try to push through suicidality and beg for visibility for MY MOTHER'S SAKE not mine yet I get BS thrown at me passive aggressive comments and actions

I'm #Autistic and have #CPTSD I can't not see it

You don't get to choose who is valuable
That's not #MutualAid

I can't just be who I was a year ago, two years ago - there's only so much of me left

The moment I can't do everything I do for others which is 99% of the time taken for granted instead of being humanized and asked what's happening I get dropped

I get treated like a bitch because I'm licking my own wounds, alone, scared and waiting for more death