#PhoneTree

2025-06-03

Oh, the joys of modern phone trees.

"Welcome to our customer service system. Did you know that you can go online..."

[To myself: Yes, I did know this, but I also know that I need to talk to someone.]

"... to access our services. You can go to www.hell.org and pick a devil to torment you. [2 more minutes of shit]"

"Press one if you're trying to flobuluate."

[Presses 1.]

"You're trying to irrictate."

[No!!!]

"Do you know the declaration of independence? Here it is [...]"

[ 🤬 ]

"How about we read you the Bible while you wait? Genesis 1.1..."

[ 🤬 🤬 🤬 🤬 🤬 🤬 🤬 🤬 🤬 🤬]

#USHealthcare #PhoneTree #CustomerService #jerks

2024-01-23

Oh, so I emailed them, and they said they don't see new patients until 10:00am and the best time to call is between 10:00am and 1pm.

:headache:

Never mind that the phone tree does not inform us of this. I guess we have to use our ESP and read their bloody minds.

:why:

I'm currently on hold, so that's progress.

#PatientAdvocate #Healthcare #nonsense #PhoneTree

2024-01-23

I'm trying to get through to these folks:

patientadvocate.org/

I called yesterday. They said that they allocate a number of slots for new patients *per day*, and they were full, call again later.

Fine. I decided to call today at the time they open. I called at 8:30. I get the same bloody message!!!

I also discovered that the initial message on the automated response system is unskippable. No matter what you press, you have to hear it, and pressing anything will make it run from the start.

😩

I knew the option 2 would be the one that I want. However, I cannot press 2 right away because the first thing it says is press 2 for Spanish.

That reminds me of something:

youtu.be/S70lfTqSBi8

#PatientAdvocate #Healthcare #nonsense #PhoneTree

2023-10-10

I had an internet outage here for about 1.5 hours this afternoon. I called #Xfinity (#Comcast). I have to say that using the phone tree they presented to me wasn't painful for once.

There's still one thing however...

Who in their right mind thought that it would be a great idea to put in some simulated keyboard sound when the AI decides to fetch some information about me?

"Let me fetch that information... [clack clack clack clack clack...]"

Yo! I know there's no human there! You don't fool me with your simulated noise.

:headache:

At least it was a mechanical keyboard, for sure. :derpface:

#phone #PhoneTree #InternetOutage #outage #keyboard #SimulatedKeyboardSound #ActuallyAutistic

2023-09-26

I call Johns Hopkins to schedule a routine appointment with my oncologist.

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... press this press that, press 3 if you want to make an appointment."

I press 3, and I'm transferred to another line that play the same bloody classical music that played when I was actually hospitalized there and had to call to order my meals.

I experience super nice flashbacks due to that music. (Nice as in "not nice." More like I wish the dinning service would be cast into hell, kinda "nice.")

Music music music "Press 1 if you want to leave a message." What do I do now???? Do I press 1 and risk being dropped or my phone exploding? Do I hang up and try to get my oncologist some other way? I really don't want to be a bother to him.

:why:

Music music music. I decide to press 1. And it does...

... nothing.

:headache:

Apparently, you have to press 1 in the small window of time that the phone tree allows you to do it. I wait for the right time, press 1, live my information, and hang up.

Johns Hopkins literally saved my life, but dealing with their phone tree is such pain.

#phones #PhoneTree #ActuallyAutistic #JohnsHopkins #oncology

2023-09-21

Okay so I call Planned Parenthood's national line. It asks me for my zip code to connect me with the local office.

:headache:

Thanks for that. I could have done that myself. See, my problem is that I don't know whether that office offers vasectomies or where I could get a vasectomy for cheap, given that I'm disabled and my revenue is limited.

So I'm transferred to the local office, and it says "Press 1 if you want an appointment." No, I don't want an appointment. I want to know **who** I need to talk to for a vasectomy.

I wait... hoping that I'm going to get other options... and nothing happens until I get "We cannot connect you, goodbye."

:catangry:

#PlannedParenthood #PhoneTree #phone #vasectomy

valkraider :verified:valkraider@mstdn.social
2023-04-13

When do the “higher than normal call volumes” become the normal call volumes? Asking for a friend.

#CustomerService #CustomerServicePhone #PhoneTree #ThankYouForCalling #PleaseHold #CallVolumes #PleaseHoldAndARepresentativeWillBeWithYouShortly

Max Leibman has moved!maxleibman
2023-03-31

Thank you for holding. Your call is very important to us



as part of a metric on a report that management will do whatever they can to minimize, especially if they can do so without spending any money on solving your actual problem.

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