New year with my unwavering love
It’s been another Sunday travelling to see you for a few hours. This month is going to be very difficult as the court date is set for early next month.
The constant stress caused by your mum continues to have an impact. Although the pain is hard, I’m learning to deal with it. I hate to think of the long-term damage the last 6 months have caused.
Our day together
I planned a simple day to accommodate for the cold and the rain. Last week you really enjoyed the scrambled eggs, so I thought I’d try that again, plus sharing the lunch I would get at the restaurant too.
Delayed trains
The train strikes continue to cause disruption and unpredictability, so I let your mum know my time of arrival, once I was on the train and could provide the clearest details. To my surprise, she responded harshly. The train was arriving at 11:21 am and remnants of the strikes the day before, meant earlier trains weren’t running normally. Your mum would know this, but decided to set the tone for the day, perhaps the year ahead.
She also insisted I drop you off at 4 pm. I decided to send her a message later in the day and avoid problems discussing when I picked you up. She has now shown she will take you away if she wants and it creates incredible stress to me.
On our way
I picked you up and did the half hour walk to the centre. You were a little unsettled but I persevered as I didn’t want to get to the centre during the lunchtime rush.
We got to the usual Japanese spot, it’s my preferred option because they don’t mind how long we stay and when we’re lucky we have a large table or a booth to ourselves. You enjoyed the octopus balls (takoyaki), I really love how you ask for more food now, and I gave you a bit of chicken without the breadcrumbs.
Our routine is working as best it can for now. You’re in a good mood and every time we have time together we communicate better and better. I can’t wait for us to have a normal time together and when you can chat away with me and relax.
I’m completely fascinated by everything you do and love everything about you.
Reaching out for more rice towards the end of your meal
After lunch at the library
We continued on to the library because it’s around the corner, has other children and generally the safest weatherproof place in the area.
You’re intrigued by the other children and I hope not too disappointed when you walk up to older kids and they don’t want to play. You tried to make friends with a few little ones but they were there to read. I’m sure you’ll be the same too when you find things you enjoy! I’m looking forward to reading with you and teaching you our family language in the future.
My beautiful monkey
We took a moment to play with the crayons and paper. To my surprise you drew me a picture. I will treasure it. My creative little artist.
Our coproduced artwork (blue scribbles by Izzy, naming by dad)
Handing you back
The rest of the day went fine. I took us towards the station by the museum. Your mum had sent stressful messages insisting I drop you off at 4 pm even after I had calmly and politely explained that we had not agreed a drop off time and it would be reasonable to make it 4:15 pm so I could get a bit more time with you and get the 4:30 pm train.
Even with polite communication your mum is very difficult. The stress gave me a horrible stomach pain. It upsets me so much that I would’ve travelled over 3 hours and walked in the cold for over an hour to see you, but your mum would rather I wait needlessly for half an hour for the train on my own, than have 15 more minutes to give you a cuddle.
Heavy feelings
The stress is too much at the moment.
I’m keeping sensible and not reacting. You’re the most important person to me and I won’t let the harassment and antagonisation cause further problems.
I dream about the days when things will be better and we can have happy stress-free time together.
Listen through the podcast
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6mQeVC3yBMKtGCn1FTVU6n?si=IVw024ZYRfKqwWSgxQJEhg
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